Sexplanations:)

[mrdreamjeans]

"Isn't it better to feel something intensely even if you're wounded in the process?"

I'm pondering this question from a novel I just finished reading. It's talking about relationships, but I suppose it could apply to friendships and even to specific fetishes and sex acts.

I know emotional wounding is hard for me to take when it happens; but I think I would rather risk that, then feel nothing at all.

I am desiring a sexplanation:)

Comments

Even sentimental fleas do it

[excessor.livejournal.com]

Is there something you want to tell us?

Intent and context, as in many things, have a lot to do with a comprehensive answer. If you're open to being wounded or accept being wounded as a consequence of intense feeling, then I suppose it's part of the landscape. I think it can even foster a sense of greater intimacy. For those of us who love intimacy, it's probably worthwhile.

If your heart (or whatever) has been wounded too often or if you're not able to make the decision or fear it, then it's probably not worth it.

Or are you asking something much more basic and I'm just not getting it yet? :-)

Re: Even sentimental fleas do it

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I'm not speaking of any specific example of my own:) I'm always open to emotional discovery... as you've so nicely said, "For those of us who love intimacy, it's probably worthwhile:) I just wanted to open up the discussion in the widest sense....Thanks for posting:)

[ciddyguy.livejournal.com]

Neil,

I lost a good friend over something that could've been avoided from all parties. The feeling was miserable. I really liked what I knew of the guy, even though we never met in person, just over the internet.

That feeling is largely gone now (been just over 2 years now).

While I would not wish emotional wounding on anyone, I can relate when someone is in a similar situation.

On a similar veign, I didn't loose a friend per se, but she was grounded for the summer and I was forbidden from seeing her, even though she lived next door. It all was because of cigarettes, or her dad finding out she had a pack and I was connected to them, but I was the one who told the truth about where she really got started etc to her father as he delivered the papers that day after he discovered the cigs inside the scooter seat storage compartment. She almost lost her scooter because of it, but since I told the truth, she was able to keep it, my only evidence of a resolution.

I was so angst ridden that summer, had strong feelings of deja vu off and on, and could not play two tracks from the Car's first LP Living in Stereo and All Mixed Up because of what they sang about. It brought out so many emotions, of anger, bitterness, sadness, dispair etc, and I think love - all jumbled together at once.

However, the bright side of the whole thing, I was man enough to tell the truth and I ultimately did grow from the whole thing.

When was this? 8th, going into 9th grade in the summer of 78.

Re: think of siamese twins.....

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I don't think Sexplanators are supposed to blush, but um... is it hot in here to anyone else:)? That is simply an amazing sexplanation.. your honesty and focus sometimes astounds me!

[champdaddy.livejournal.com]

I have a much simpler sexplanation for you: I get hard when a guy grits his teeth to please me.

I love when a guy tells me his tits aren't wired to pleasure sensors, and over time he learns it was worth the "wounding" process.

I could give you other examples, but you get the idea. Sometimes it really is a matter of "no pain, no gain."

[bruinwi.livejournal.com]

I doubt if I could disagree more...especially when it comes to sex.

Pain HURTS; pleasure shouldn't.

'Nuff said.

[champdaddy.livejournal.com]

I don't want to give the impression that I'm all about pain. I'm about results. My comment was more about the men I've met who were willing to temporarily endure some discomfort for a deeper intensity of feeling. They could have been content with less, but had the courage to risk pain in order to expand their sexual world.

It's exciting to me to help someone realize pleasures not often possible on superficial levels.

While I want to respect your opinion, I can think of some fairly vanilla sexual pleasures that may have started as painful.

[bruinwi.livejournal.com]

I can deal with that.

[excessor.livejournal.com]

I had to laugh out loud when you wrote

I get hard when a guy grits his teeth to please me.

because I feel the same way. Totally hot. Or when he says my name while in the throes of passion. The connection is what's important.

[mountdfw.livejournal.com]

I posted something in this vein, ages ago.. Clickie goodness! (http://www.livejournal.com/users/mountdfw/2003/06/08/) I agree, it's better to have felt something, even if it ended in pain. (not to mention, sometimes the pain IS the reward...)

There are several men in my past, with whom I have shared something intense and beautiful, and who I have subsequently lost.
Chris, and long days spent without words, because we knew each other so well they weren't necessary. Chris, who spoke his last word to me when he found out I am gay, 12 years ago.
Jim, whose body responded like a Stradivarius, and I played just for the joy of the playing. And crying in my car, for most of a four hour drive, because he found someone to be happy with, and it wasn't me.
My ex, Mike, mentioned in that link up there, in all his Jekyll & Hyde glory.
George, who gave me one perfect summer of sun and sweat and sex and LOVE.. and parting because, like a good father would, he had to choose his infant daughter and his love & duty to her, over the dream of us.
Pain is easy to find in this world. Joy is rarer than diamonds, and more to be treasured.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I read your post from 2003. Those of us on the ouside of a couple's relationship seldom get to see the insiders point of view. I've never experienced the kind of violence or violation you describe and have not done those things to someone else. I've always used emotional and sexual power in a loving way. However, I'm not naive; I know these experiences are a very real part of some couples' existence.Your comment to my post is a reminder that I can learn when I don't isolate myself from other peoples' experiences. Blinders off.......Thanks for sharing your story.

[mountdfw.livejournal.com]

OTOH, there have been times when I willingly allowed myself to be degraded and used..

I vividly recall an instance where I was playing with a gent in public. As he finished with me, a different man stepped up, asked permission from the other guy, and proceeded to use me for his own gratification. It started a chain, and I honestly couldn't say whether it was 7 or 8 men involved... but they all used me as nothing more than a warm place to put a hard cock. When the last man finished, leaving me alone, sticky with the semen squirted on my body, I stood on shaking legs and started to leave.. but on the way out, I ran into another man, a giant of a guy.. No words were spoken, he just pulled me close and started fondling my butt.. and when he felt it already greased & loose, he just picked me up so my toes were barely brushing the ground, pinning me against his chest, trapping my arms, and rammed himself home. He was huge, and even after the prior play it was painful. He held me like a doll, pulling & pushing me on himself, till I heard his breath catch, and he pulled out to spray me from the nape of my neck to the small of my back. Then he set me on my feet and left, with never a word spoken.

At no point during the evening (after the first man) was I ever asked for my opinion. At no point did anyone touch my cock, or give any thought to my gratification. It left me feeling used, dirty, defiled, sore... and so very satiated. Willingly giving up control is an amazingly erotic, gratifying thing..

[pa747sp.livejournal.com]

Sometimes, sex is ONLY good if it hurts

sexplanation (great word)

[althrman.livejournal.com]

What ever sexual definition 2 men place between them, soft intimate closeness to extreme contact, the boundaries of those encounters define themselves, by the actions of both. When one takes it upon himself to pleasure without regard to the other, the rules have changed. More often than not, some men cannot experience both emotions within the confines of sex. I call this the A B C’s,…they must act, perform and release in a set of defined parameters. How very limiting. Outside of those guide lines, they simply cannot “live up to THEIR expectations”. One man, when engaging with another, should always, at the base of this connection, remember, the other is a man, with a soul. Purposeful cruelty by one person on another, has been and continues to be a problem. As the lowfatmuffin will tell you, I have a great speech about EXPECTATIONS and how they cloud the process of being intimate. And I define intimate in the full range of sexual contact. I would much rather have contact with the soul of a man, than the man who lives without one.