Was It Something I Said?

[mrdreamjeans]

Today is a miserable weather day in Detroit. It's cold, rainy, and foggy with wind gusts up to 50mph. I'm holed up in my room; there just doesn't seem to be any compelling reason to go out until it's time to head for the show. It's also one of those days where I just wish I was home; my heart and head are definitely with loved ones almost two thousand miles away in Brenham, Texas.

My Dad is 74, diabetic and had a stroke in 2002. As such, he’s in the most at-risk group for the flu. I won’t rant and rave about the politics of the flu vaccine shortage this year, but it is hitting close to home. As I was speaking on the phone last night to my father about my Mom’s Christmas wish list, Dad threw up...evidently all over the phone, the dining room floor, walls and counter top. Thank goodness it’s all tile. I must admit I’m not used to this kind of reaction to my calls. He was apologetic and threw up again in my ear.... As if I would be upset.... I was scared for him, but not upset. To tell the truth, I was heartbroken. Despite our differences, I do love him and I knew that he couldn't help it and was embarrassed by the spontaneous episode.

I called this morning to speak to my sister and caught her driving her son and caretaker back from the hospital. Ross, who is autistic, mentally-challenged and lives in a group home, had surgery this morning to reposition his septum. He has done so much abuse to himself lately that he’s flattened his nose and was having severe breathing problems. Just as I was telling Colleen about the episode with Dad, she had to hang up. Ross was throwing up blood-laced vomit in the back of the van. I’m afraid to call anyone else today for fear that they will vomit. Do you think it was something I said? :)

I’m trying to make light of this because: Dad can’t handle too severe a flu; because my mother is in denial about Dad’s health care and could and should have taken him to a local hospital a number of times for a flu shot and didn’t; because Mom believes that she can’t ask for free meds from our family doctor because it makes her a charity case; and because she is not following through on my sister’s promptings about health issues. I am fearful because I don’t know how to change Mom’s recent behavior and her feeling that if anyone helps, it’s interferng; and finally, because I am too far away to take charge and make a difference.

My parents’ Medicare Supplemental insurance (Medicare B) has gone from $160 to $600 a month in just six years, an ungodly increase for seniors on a fixed income. In my mother’s mind, medical visits and medications aren’t necessary if she just puts them out of her mind. It’s sad when your own parents play “Either/Or”... Prescriptions filled or buy groceries.... Visit the doctor or pay the electric bill....

My brother, sister and I would/will step in and help financially at any time, but we can’t do so, if Mom hides medical/prescription needs and costs from us. Mom’s fighting with all of her might to retain all of their decision-making territory and I understand. But it’s hard not to ask if it was something we said...or simply something we haven’t thought to ask....to get her to see she doesn’t have to be in this alone.

Comments

[ciddyguy.livejournal.com]

Oh you poor thing! Having to hear your Dad toss his cookies was not a pleasent thing to be hearing I'm sure, but at the same time, I can imagine you are worried, given the situation you described with your Mom and healthcare etc.

And to add to that, your nephew's problems Ugh, I'd hate to be in your shoes, being thousands of miles away and not able to do a damn thing.

I'm glad you are keeping it light as all that can do is make the situation bearable on your end.

Good luck with it all and hope all turns out OK in the end.

[campn.livejournal.com]

Wow... I’d say something like “you poor man,” but I’ve lived through what yer going through and know pity doesn’t make ya feel better. I’ll give you a big ‘ol bearhug and say keep up the faith, keep up the lovin’ and laugh about things whenever you can. I laugh a LOT*rolls eyes and chuckles*.

As for the Medicare/cost/prescription/food issue... well, I’m on full disability with Medicare A and B. I got royally fucked by my prior medical insurance company and during the transition from Corporate Coverage to private coverage, and as a result I went from full medical and prescription coverage to only Medicare, with no prescription coverage. Me and Jimbo have wrestled with the prescription costs/needs. He says “we’ll find the money for everything you need.” But with my monthly med bill nearing $2,000 a month if I took everything, that’s just not possible. I haul in a pretty decent monthly income between my private disability insurance and Social Security Disability, but I had to make the choice to discontinue taking the $1,300 a month M.S. treatment meds (Copaxone). I’m working with the manufacturer to see if I can get it discounted, but for now it’s a med I just can’t afford.
Seniors on fixed incomes and the whole mess with prescription coverage right now is something I personally experience on a daily basis. It’s simply insane and despite what’s being done with Medicare “reform,” it’s still a mess beyond words.
Prescriptions or food... it’s an overwhelming social problem that’s just going to get worse as the population ages and insurance companies struggle to maximize profits.

[orange-groves.livejournal.com]

Thank you Republicans...NOT!

[gotmoof.livejournal.com]

Well, hopefully your dad will feel better quickly... though it does seem worrying that there's no one there on a daily basis to make sure things are going well for your parents.

I'm just more worried about your mom if something happens to your dad.

[nlotic.livejournal.com]

Hugs Neil

[campn.livejournal.com]

*smirk* Ain’t gonna push my blood pressure by getting into THAT issue*G*

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I worry about that each and every day. I called C.H. and he spoke with Dad immediately. It was determined that Dad's flu was in early enough stages that an anti-viral could be administered that would hopefully shorten the duration and severity of the flu. Mom took Dad to C.H. this afternoon, so he is being treated. I am thankful that my best friend from college is a doctor and one that I can call on his private cell phone at a moment's notice....Many folks aren't so lucky....

As to be being there each day, they make it clear they want their independence. Jeff lives 10 miles away and only sees them occasionally; Lisa (my sister-in-law) sees them fairly frequently; Colleen, who lives the greatest distance, is there the most often. Of course, I'm with them every day when I'm in Texas.

Mom and Dad being alone and not able to care for themselves is just one of several issues/fearful situations that we will have to negotiate, plan for, think through, deal with emotionally.... as they age. My parents dying is not an acceptable scenario to me. When they pass, I will truly be alone.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Hugs needed and accepted!

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I appreciate the caring, but the one to feel sorry for is my Dad. He's the one with the flu. I was in a way able to help. I was able to make the calls to their doctor and then to convince Dad to go to him. I think the intervention will shorten the severity of the flu. Yes, it's tough to be away... which is why I wrote about it.

As to Ross, my sister has had 24 years of worrying about him through too many surgeries to recall, through endless reams of red-tape to retain his certifications and raised him without the help of Ross's father. My sister's a hero:)

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

How fortunate that Jim and you are together and have the strength of commitment to find a way for you to successfully wrestle for the care and medications that you require. Love and support counts for so much....

[ciddyguy.livejournal.com]

I agree your dad is indeed the one to really worry about and am glad you got to intervene by calling his doctor and getting help that way.

But despite all that, it's too bad you had to listen to him tossing everything, which I'm sure was not pleasent to hear in and of itself.

Your sister does sound like a hero with her care of Ross and his problems.

In any event, I"m glad things are looking a little better now. :-)

[mncuddlecub.livejournal.com]

Hey Neil... I've thrown up once in the last 12 (or more) years, so if you want to give me a call, I won't throw up :o) I appologize if that was inappropriate, I just don't know what to tell you. I can't imagine what it feels like for you considering how much I want to help just hearing this tale. You have my support, prayers, and lots of **CubHugs**

-Take care.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Nothing in appropriate at all in what you said! The situation falls into that grey area between frightening and indescribably funny. I appreciate that you take time to read my scribbled therapy:)

[mncuddlecub.livejournal.com]

Of course I read, I only wish I had the words to respond more often. Either way, I'm here for you my friend.

-and hey, another **CubHug** for you as well ;o)

[gotmoof.livejournal.com]

You know, I was thinking that if your parents want independence, but you and your brother and sister want some peace of mind, why not hire someone with know-how to do daily check ins on their health? You know, like a nurse who could use some extra cash for not-a-lot of work.

[anothertxn.livejournal.com]

I understand to some degree how it feels. When my parents forced me off to college in Minnesota, my father was still in the hospital recovering from a major aorta surgery. Being the child of an elderly parent and living so far from home, I felt horrible because I couldn't contribute anything physically, small or large. The distance drives you insane, even though you know you are doing what you need to. Best of luck with all things, and I hope your family feels better soon.

[campn.livejournal.com]

Yes sir, it certainly does. Do your best to convince your mom that her and your dad’s “love and support” group goes beyond just the two of ‘em... they’ve got all you kids, and should use that support when it’s needed.

[campn.livejournal.com]

THAT is a great idea!