Was It Something I Said?
Dec. 7th, 2004 12:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mrdreamjeansToday is a miserable weather day in Detroit. It's cold, rainy, and foggy with wind gusts up to 50mph. I'm holed up in my room; there just doesn't seem to be any compelling reason to go out until it's time to head for the show. It's also one of those days where I just wish I was home; my heart and head are definitely with loved ones almost two thousand miles away in Brenham, Texas.
My Dad is 74, diabetic and had a stroke in 2002. As such, he’s in the most at-risk group for the flu. I won’t rant and rave about the politics of the flu vaccine shortage this year, but it is hitting close to home. As I was speaking on the phone last night to my father about my Mom’s Christmas wish list, Dad threw up...evidently all over the phone, the dining room floor, walls and counter top. Thank goodness it’s all tile. I must admit I’m not used to this kind of reaction to my calls. He was apologetic and threw up again in my ear.... As if I would be upset.... I was scared for him, but not upset. To tell the truth, I was heartbroken. Despite our differences, I do love him and I knew that he couldn't help it and was embarrassed by the spontaneous episode.
I called this morning to speak to my sister and caught her driving her son and caretaker back from the hospital. Ross, who is autistic, mentally-challenged and lives in a group home, had surgery this morning to reposition his septum. He has done so much abuse to himself lately that he’s flattened his nose and was having severe breathing problems. Just as I was telling Colleen about the episode with Dad, she had to hang up. Ross was throwing up blood-laced vomit in the back of the van. I’m afraid to call anyone else today for fear that they will vomit. Do you think it was something I said? :)
I’m trying to make light of this because: Dad can’t handle too severe a flu; because my mother is in denial about Dad’s health care and could and should have taken him to a local hospital a number of times for a flu shot and didn’t; because Mom believes that she can’t ask for free meds from our family doctor because it makes her a charity case; and because she is not following through on my sister’s promptings about health issues. I am fearful because I don’t know how to change Mom’s recent behavior and her feeling that if anyone helps, it’s interferng; and finally, because I am too far away to take charge and make a difference.
My parents’ Medicare Supplemental insurance (Medicare B) has gone from $160 to $600 a month in just six years, an ungodly increase for seniors on a fixed income. In my mother’s mind, medical visits and medications aren’t necessary if she just puts them out of her mind. It’s sad when your own parents play “Either/Or”... Prescriptions filled or buy groceries.... Visit the doctor or pay the electric bill....
My brother, sister and I would/will step in and help financially at any time, but we can’t do so, if Mom hides medical/prescription needs and costs from us. Mom’s fighting with all of her might to retain all of their decision-making territory and I understand. But it’s hard not to ask if it was something we said...or simply something we haven’t thought to ask....to get her to see she doesn’t have to be in this alone.
My Dad is 74, diabetic and had a stroke in 2002. As such, he’s in the most at-risk group for the flu. I won’t rant and rave about the politics of the flu vaccine shortage this year, but it is hitting close to home. As I was speaking on the phone last night to my father about my Mom’s Christmas wish list, Dad threw up...evidently all over the phone, the dining room floor, walls and counter top. Thank goodness it’s all tile. I must admit I’m not used to this kind of reaction to my calls. He was apologetic and threw up again in my ear.... As if I would be upset.... I was scared for him, but not upset. To tell the truth, I was heartbroken. Despite our differences, I do love him and I knew that he couldn't help it and was embarrassed by the spontaneous episode.
I called this morning to speak to my sister and caught her driving her son and caretaker back from the hospital. Ross, who is autistic, mentally-challenged and lives in a group home, had surgery this morning to reposition his septum. He has done so much abuse to himself lately that he’s flattened his nose and was having severe breathing problems. Just as I was telling Colleen about the episode with Dad, she had to hang up. Ross was throwing up blood-laced vomit in the back of the van. I’m afraid to call anyone else today for fear that they will vomit. Do you think it was something I said? :)
I’m trying to make light of this because: Dad can’t handle too severe a flu; because my mother is in denial about Dad’s health care and could and should have taken him to a local hospital a number of times for a flu shot and didn’t; because Mom believes that she can’t ask for free meds from our family doctor because it makes her a charity case; and because she is not following through on my sister’s promptings about health issues. I am fearful because I don’t know how to change Mom’s recent behavior and her feeling that if anyone helps, it’s interferng; and finally, because I am too far away to take charge and make a difference.
My parents’ Medicare Supplemental insurance (Medicare B) has gone from $160 to $600 a month in just six years, an ungodly increase for seniors on a fixed income. In my mother’s mind, medical visits and medications aren’t necessary if she just puts them out of her mind. It’s sad when your own parents play “Either/Or”... Prescriptions filled or buy groceries.... Visit the doctor or pay the electric bill....
My brother, sister and I would/will step in and help financially at any time, but we can’t do so, if Mom hides medical/prescription needs and costs from us. Mom’s fighting with all of her might to retain all of their decision-making territory and I understand. But it’s hard not to ask if it was something we said...or simply something we haven’t thought to ask....to get her to see she doesn’t have to be in this alone.
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no subject
Date: 2004-12-07 12:14 pm (UTC)And to add to that, your nephew's problems Ugh, I'd hate to be in your shoes, being thousands of miles away and not able to do a damn thing.
I'm glad you are keeping it light as all that can do is make the situation bearable on your end.
Good luck with it all and hope all turns out OK in the end.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-07 08:15 pm (UTC)As to Ross, my sister has had 24 years of worrying about him through too many surgeries to recall, through endless reams of red-tape to retain his certifications and raised him without the help of Ross's father. My sister's a hero:)
no subject
Date: 2004-12-07 08:27 pm (UTC)But despite all that, it's too bad you had to listen to him tossing everything, which I'm sure was not pleasent to hear in and of itself.
Your sister does sound like a hero with her care of Ross and his problems.
In any event, I"m glad things are looking a little better now. :-)