Was It Something I Said?

[mrdreamjeans]

Today is a miserable weather day in Detroit. It's cold, rainy, and foggy with wind gusts up to 50mph. I'm holed up in my room; there just doesn't seem to be any compelling reason to go out until it's time to head for the show. It's also one of those days where I just wish I was home; my heart and head are definitely with loved ones almost two thousand miles away in Brenham, Texas.

My Dad is 74, diabetic and had a stroke in 2002. As such, he’s in the most at-risk group for the flu. I won’t rant and rave about the politics of the flu vaccine shortage this year, but it is hitting close to home. As I was speaking on the phone last night to my father about my Mom’s Christmas wish list, Dad threw up...evidently all over the phone, the dining room floor, walls and counter top. Thank goodness it’s all tile. I must admit I’m not used to this kind of reaction to my calls. He was apologetic and threw up again in my ear.... As if I would be upset.... I was scared for him, but not upset. To tell the truth, I was heartbroken. Despite our differences, I do love him and I knew that he couldn't help it and was embarrassed by the spontaneous episode.

I called this morning to speak to my sister and caught her driving her son and caretaker back from the hospital. Ross, who is autistic, mentally-challenged and lives in a group home, had surgery this morning to reposition his septum. He has done so much abuse to himself lately that he’s flattened his nose and was having severe breathing problems. Just as I was telling Colleen about the episode with Dad, she had to hang up. Ross was throwing up blood-laced vomit in the back of the van. I’m afraid to call anyone else today for fear that they will vomit. Do you think it was something I said? :)

I’m trying to make light of this because: Dad can’t handle too severe a flu; because my mother is in denial about Dad’s health care and could and should have taken him to a local hospital a number of times for a flu shot and didn’t; because Mom believes that she can’t ask for free meds from our family doctor because it makes her a charity case; and because she is not following through on my sister’s promptings about health issues. I am fearful because I don’t know how to change Mom’s recent behavior and her feeling that if anyone helps, it’s interferng; and finally, because I am too far away to take charge and make a difference.

My parents’ Medicare Supplemental insurance (Medicare B) has gone from $160 to $600 a month in just six years, an ungodly increase for seniors on a fixed income. In my mother’s mind, medical visits and medications aren’t necessary if she just puts them out of her mind. It’s sad when your own parents play “Either/Or”... Prescriptions filled or buy groceries.... Visit the doctor or pay the electric bill....

My brother, sister and I would/will step in and help financially at any time, but we can’t do so, if Mom hides medical/prescription needs and costs from us. Mom’s fighting with all of her might to retain all of their decision-making territory and I understand. But it’s hard not to ask if it was something we said...or simply something we haven’t thought to ask....to get her to see she doesn’t have to be in this alone.

Comments

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I worry about that each and every day. I called C.H. and he spoke with Dad immediately. It was determined that Dad's flu was in early enough stages that an anti-viral could be administered that would hopefully shorten the duration and severity of the flu. Mom took Dad to C.H. this afternoon, so he is being treated. I am thankful that my best friend from college is a doctor and one that I can call on his private cell phone at a moment's notice....Many folks aren't so lucky....

As to be being there each day, they make it clear they want their independence. Jeff lives 10 miles away and only sees them occasionally; Lisa (my sister-in-law) sees them fairly frequently; Colleen, who lives the greatest distance, is there the most often. Of course, I'm with them every day when I'm in Texas.

Mom and Dad being alone and not able to care for themselves is just one of several issues/fearful situations that we will have to negotiate, plan for, think through, deal with emotionally.... as they age. My parents dying is not an acceptable scenario to me. When they pass, I will truly be alone.

[gotmoof.livejournal.com]

You know, I was thinking that if your parents want independence, but you and your brother and sister want some peace of mind, why not hire someone with know-how to do daily check ins on their health? You know, like a nurse who could use some extra cash for not-a-lot of work.

[campn.livejournal.com]

THAT is a great idea!