Metro-Monogamy

[mrdreamjeans]

Each morning, I read The Seattle Times on-line. A few days ago, I came across an article written by a guy named John Moe. It was tongue-in-cheek, but made me stop and think about a term he coined ... "metromonogamous". The article is essentially a "Dear John" letter to Seattle. Moe grew up there, but has now relocated to St. Paul, Minnesota. The article is titled, "Sorry Seattle - I"ve Found Somewhere Else".

As many of you know, I've wanted to live in the Twin Cities for some time. I'm constantly ready to elope there. In contrast, Seattle is the only place, other than the Houston area, where I can say, "I've lived there". I love Seattle with all of my heart. (Economics made me move away.) So, my interest was piqued by the article. As an adult, my travels and show tours have allowed me the luxury of spending months in several other cities. Among them are: Toronto, Portland, San Francisco, Orlando, Berlin, New York, Milwaukee and oddly, Salt Lake City (four months with "Phantom" in 1996).

Joe writes with humor, See, in recent years I've begun to wonder if it's really such a good idea to be metromonogamous. Should I consign myself to sleeping in just one city for the rest of my life? Is that fair to me? Is it even natural?

I see a lot of fluidity in my friends' lives. Very few of them stay in one place for a long time, especially my Gay and Lesbian friends. There are exceptions of course, but I seem to be one of those who doesn't have a loyalty to one place, though I think I am capable of being metromonogamous:) So, my friends, I ask you .. Are you loyal to one city or town? Is your heart in San Francisco or an equivalent? Or are you ready for a change of scenery?

Comments

[orangecrush206.livejournal.com]

I lived in the Seattle area for 20+ years, basically all of my adult life. And as much as I like Seattle, I was ready for something new. While I'm not sold on Virginia, it is a nice change of pace. Weather wise, I miss the 4 seasons of Spokane where I grew up. But it has very little to offer from a diversity or cultural standpoint. When I'm done with Virginia, I think I may be drawn to the Portland OR area.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Portland will be similar to what you enjoyed in Seattle for 20+ years. It's a wonderfully diverse city and there are some great folks there ... a welcoming community. Though you've been in Virginia for a couple of years now, you're still connected in my thoughts to the Pac NW.

HUGS!

[texwriterbear.livejournal.com]

That was a great post.
I have to say while my heart will always be with Welsh and Lafayette, Louisiana, (two of the four cities I've lived in during my lifetime), Houston still is a great place for me. I love it here. I have great friends here, and over the past 13 years here, I still find great things to do in this city. I have always said it would be very hard for me to pick up from here and leave, if I had to, but I'm sure I could do it. But right now, I don't want to live anywhere else.
Hugs

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Well, you've really embraced Houston and a close group of friends as extended family. You've found a place here. I gre up in Houston; but as you know, I'm not fond of the city at all. That has a lot to do with awful things that happened to me long before you moved here. Plus, I just don't do well with the climate.

Like the icon! HUGS!

[tonethbone.livejournal.com]

Of course I love NY...but I don't know when I will ever get back there..if at all. Pete has a great job right here in Atlanta...and then there's my grandchildren..who live nearby...and how I love watching them grow. I'm ready...but its impractical for so many reasons. *sigh*

HUGS

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Maybe your bi-Metro:) Your life in Atlanta is certainly rich and full in Atlanta ... but, no matter where you lived, I could probably say that about you. From time to time, I can hear the yearning in your voice and words for NY. Sounds like time for a lovely extended visit there!

HUGS!

[quirkstreet.livejournal.com]

I was born in Boston. I lived in the Boston metro region for the first thirteen years of my life. I moved to rural New Hampshire; the nearest major city was two hours away: Boston. I went to college in Boston.

I graduated college on an Air Force ROTC scholarship. I was commissioned and they sent me to Cheyenne, Wyoming. I was there four years. I liked it ... sometimes I still miss it. A little.

I left the military and returned to: rural New Hampshire, and then Boston. Where I've been ever since.

I am metromonogamous but I cheat in my heart *constantly*. I love Boston but I am frequently tired of our relationship. I love many many things about the city and rarely avail myself of them. I hate the winters.

I cheat with Los Angeles a lot, because I've visited frequently to see family who moved out there ten years ago. And with San Francisco now and then, because it feels like a better Boston with nicer weather. Lately I've been cheating with Seattle, because a few of my friends have moved there and family are relocating there .... even though I have only visited twice.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I wonder if in our relationships with our home towns ... like too much time in one job/career, "familiarity breeds contempt". Because I've not experienced much Winter in decades, Minneapolis, Toronto and Boston have always been at the top of my list of favorite cities. I'm a guy living in Southeast Texas with 14 winter coats:)

I grew up in Pennsylvania, was born in Erie, Although, I'm not drawn toward my birthplace, I am attracted to a four-season climate, an area that in general has progressive politics and of course, great cultural opportunities. Lately, I've been cheating with Minneapolis so much (four trips in two years with another planned), that I've not looked at another city:)

As a fun fact, we bought our first horse in Chugwater, WY, not too far from Cheyenne. The year was 1970. You were probably a twinkle in your mother's eye:)

HUGS!

[wooddragon.livejournal.com]

Man, I love northern California. I lived there for over 25 years. I miss it, and I really miss the different communities I was part of there.

That said, I love living near the mountains. Ultimately, I'd like to live in them.

The question is, which is more important, developed community and networks, or location? Having been experimenting a little, I still can't answer that question, and I suspect it depends on where one is in one's journey as to which way that pendulum swings....

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I believe that the answer is found, in part, by how people define "home" for themselves. Is it about community, networks, family and friends .. or is it more about opportunity, climate, culture and escape? I agree .. it's the sway of the pendulum. For me, it's about people and climate. At some point in my life, I want to live near a large number of my friends .. This makes Minneapolis, Seattle, Portland, Boston, Toronto or SF likely destinations. Now, rule out where I can't afford to live and you basically have Minneapolis, Portland or remaining in Texas:)

[bookish-cub.livejournal.com]

I've lived in a few different places, and I have to admit that I like the excitement that I get from a change of scenery. When I moved to Minneapolis in 2006, however, I did so with the intention of making the city my permanent home. Unfortunately, the job market here is so bad that we may need to consider relocation at some point.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Is it the general job market? Or is the poor market specific to your field of Library Science? (Hope I got that right:)

HUGS!

[notdefined.livejournal.com]

I was born in southern New Jersey in what could be described as a rural hamlet at best. At 18, I left, no fled. I am not sure if it was because I disliked the area or because I wanted to be on my own. The place doesn't seem so bad now. After college in south central North Carolina, the Navy dropped me in various places such as Orlando, Port Deposit, Md, San Diego, Southwick, Mass, before planting me in Norfolk, Va. I moved to Richmond where I remained for the next 25 years until I met Morgan and we moved to San Francisco. I have to say that while I developed an affection for some of the places I have lived, I have truly been smitten by the Bay Area. Northern California is so very different from the rest of the state. Even after 9 years, whenever we leave, I find myself looking down at the city out of the aircraft window already counting the days until we return. Yes, I've adopted this place and it has adopted me, it is like nowhere else I have ever lived. So while we may spend time in other cities and towns, this is our home, this is where we belong and we will stay for as long as we can afford to live here.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Having spent time in Richmond, I can see why you prefer the Bay Area. RIchmond has a glorious history and architecture, the folks are charming but stuck in their ways. I've enjoyed my time there (though saddened by the decline of the urban area), but spent my time driving to DC for activities. Virginia's politics and the laws are among the most backward in the country when it comes to the LGBT community. I found I couldn't breath.

HUGS to you!

[trulygrateful.livejournal.com]

Palm Springs and (as a very close second) San Francisco are my metromonogamous cities of preference. I'm not cheating by being in NYC, but rather my life resembles that song...

If you can't be with the one you love, love (or at least attempt to like) the one you're with.

Interestingly, when I first "moved" to Palm Springs back in 1997, I grew old with it very quickly for reasons I don't recall. However, upon returning in 2001 I found something new - a sort of "rediscovery" of the locale - which made me grow very fond of it very quickly. And, in turn, it became geographical home for me.

While I like Los Angeles, if I can't life full-time in Palm Springs then I'd take San Francisco any day of the week.

Interesting concept -- thank you for bringing this up. :)

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I think that Palm Springs is evolving daily, monthly, yearly into a desireable place to live. I couldn't live in that climate, unless I could spend 8 months of the year elsewhere. But, that's me. I leave SF, New Orleans, Santa Fe and San Diego as destinations for respite. If I could be metro-monogamous, it would most likely be Seattle or Minneapolis. I would really like to have community in my life for awhile; but then again .. I'm a bit of a loner. Even if I lived where I could be more involved, would I be?

HUGS!

[susandennis]

I moved to Seattle in 1992 when I was 43. Before I moved here I had never lived in any one state long enough to get my drivers license renewed. From 1982-1992, I moved every 18 months. The joke was that when the under the sink counter in the bathroom needed cleaning out, I just sold the joint and moved. I worked for IBM and they made moving very easy. I had wonderful experiences and enjoyed every place I got to live.

When I got to Seattle, my fuzzy plan was to live here for a while and then move to Chicago which was/is the only place I've never lived that I really wanted to.

But, I fell madly, hopelessly in love with Seattle. Chicago is still my backup city but I suspect Seattle will love me forever.

The funny about John Moe is that he's always only been a radio voice to me. And an NPR radio voice. It was odd to see his byline on the editorial page. I still hear him every Saturday and he doesn't sound any different now that he's moved. :)

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I've had the same fuzzy plan ... Seattle, maybe Chicago .. but my friends are scattered to the winds and I would really like to feel connected to a community. You might want to check our John's article in The Seattle Times. It was very fun and made several cogent points amidst the humor.

Your first paragraph made me smile .. then I remembered that when I first started touring ... when all of my clothes got dirty ... I would send them home and buy new. So, I get it:)

HUGS!

[labeartorycub.livejournal.com]

I suspect one could dub me 'semi-metromonogamous'. I used to travel for business to metro areas, e.g., Denver, Dallas, Philadelphia, but I never really got to know these cities. They were more like one- or two-night stands! :) Of all of them, I still return home to SF, my birthplace; although, every now and then, I think about moving to Portland or Seattle.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

You want an open metro-monogamous relationship:) How lucky you are to say you're a SF native! For my money, Portland and Seattle are terrific choices if you ever choose to move.

HUGS!

[furfairy.livejournal.com]

I was born in Oakland and grew up in the east bay hills. Then I had stints in Evanston IL, Los Angeles (Hollywood), and NYC (Washington Heights). I felt the pull of my home town the whole time of my 15 year long wander. So I came home a few years ago. Now Oakland is so screwed up I want a divorce. It breaks my heart. But I'm probably stuck here since I have a stable job and no prospects.

There are a few places I'd like to see and consider though: San Diego, Minneapolis, Santa Fe. At least my curiosity could give me some good travel ideas.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

All of those are very good choices, for differing reasons. I love Santa Fe and San Diego as vacations destinations ... as places to go when I'm tired of wherever I am and need a break.

[cincycub.livejournal.com]

I am very loyal to my hometown. I love it here. I could live somewhere else if the right opportunity presented itself, I suppose, but it hasn't yet :)

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I've spent a total of about three months in Cincy over the years with tours. Almost always stayed at The Garfield House, though with "Phantom", I stayed in a high-rise condo building on the river (Riverplace?). There's much to like about Cincinnati and for that matter, Columbus. I have good acquaintances in both cities and family in Cleveland. I don't know if I could be metro-monogamous with any of them, but I certainly could have an affair:)

HUGS!

[mncuddlecub.livejournal.com]

Out side of the 4 years I spent in Columbus Ohio for college, I've always lived in Minnesota.

Espessially since things have gone so pourly with my folks I'd opened up alot to the idea of moving, though since John and I have started to make a life together, I've found we've already got some pretty strong roots founded where we are.

Though we do both on occassion joke about faking our deaths and starting over... somewhere.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

If John and you decide to live elsewhere, understand that the issues with your folks won't go away, just because of distance. You care too much. Now, if you want to move away from The Twin Cities for your art or employment or climate, then you should take a look around. The comments to this particular post are quite revealing as to what draws folks to certain cities and towns. If you decide to go into witness protection, I insist on knowing what your new names will be! *grin*.

Hopefully, I'll be up your way this Summer and generate ideas for a more positive present and future. I'll treat ya'll to dinner!

HUGS!

[eggwards.livejournal.com]

Being a long time Houston resident, I thought moving to Dallas would have it's good an bad points, and I was right. Given my family's ties to Dallas, it was an easy transition, but there are a few things about Houston that make it an easier city to live in. Not sure if I can put my thumb on it, though.

That being said, Dallas is like all other Texas cities, overgrown, hot, and full of junk that's never really homegrown. I wish that the restaurants and shops were a little more representative of the community, not just another chain promoted to the masses. I loved the difference in eastern cities that have much longer histories.

That being said, I'd love to move away from Texas. In some ways Texas is changing and I'd rather remember it the way it was, nostalgically from somewhere else. For now though Chis' and my Jobs will keep us here, but someday I'd like to move west. I liked Boston, and love Chicago, but for some reason the Bay Area and/or Seattle call to me. Perhaps when I'm 50 it will be time, and another quake will bring down the home prices! (j/k)

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Well, I can understand the enticement of SF or Seattle. I've lived in Seattle twice for periods of time and been through there many more times with shows. Oddly, many of my close friends from there have moved away. Sadly, a close friend for many years from there ended our friendship. (Still don't really know why) If there is one "place" though that I think of as home, it's Seattle.

I hope to be through Dallas this month. Perhaps, we can grab a meal. I'd like to meet Chris.

Hugs!

[geometrician.livejournal.com]

I have wood for Madison, I have to say. I can imagine going somewhere else, and of course, after I graduate we may need to go somewhere else. But Madison is like one big, liberal, bohemian, academic hot spot, and I love it.

I'm quite fond of the Twin Cities, too, and would not object too much to going back to Minnesota, although if we do end up moving, I think it will be to a more temperate climate.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I haven't seen much of Madison except for designerotter's apartment and a couple of restaurants where we've rendezvoused with bruinwi and madisonbear. But, I look forward to seeing the university and the sites/sights and to meeting ya'll!

I like the feeling of Madison. It's on my list of possible homes.

HUGS!

[elfkat.livejournal.com]

What can I say but (and thanks to Randy Newman) I love L.A. but you know that because you read my post. ;)

On the skin cancer thing. I wear a hat and lots of sunscreen I am a red/grey head, you know.

Someday you have to visit!

Hugs!

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I'm a red/blonde/grey/bald head and don't go anywhere without a 50 sunblock and still have problems. But I still want to meet ya'll! I really enjoyed your tribute to LA!

HUGS!

[sfmini.livejournal.com]

I'm loyal to one town, my hometown, Savannah/Tybee Island, Georgia. Unfortunately the scale of the economy there doesn't provide a lot of good jobs for someone in high level accounting such as myself. If they did I'd be back there tomorrow.

Of the other cities I've made home, Atlanta wins over SF hands down. I wanted to give SF five years and I'm just shy of that. I'm looking to go back.

What is it with Minnesota? So many of my friends moved there. Why? It's freaking cold there!!!

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Savannah's a wondrous city .. so much charm and history. I was there with a tour of "Evita" in the early 90's when the book "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" came out and loved my three days in your hometown. My antique pine gateleg diningroom table came from there and I'm looking at it as I type this reply:)

I've enjoyed my time in Atlanta, particularly playing The Fox Theatre. However, I'm not a warm climate kind of guy .. which is why Texas has never worked for me. I love Minnesota, the progressive politics, the cold and particularly the people I know there.

HUGS!

[bluedevilsf.livejournal.com]

I'm finding that as I get older, the idea of moving back to St. Louis becomes more and more appealing. I never stopped liking the area because it's still "home" to me and always will be.

I didn't feel at home in San Francisco, but if money were no object, I'd have a place somewhere in northern California but definitely not in SF.

The Twin Cities has been an interesting and in some respects a rewarding experience, but I don't feel at home here, either.

Steve is hot for Chicago, but as I've tried to point out to him, living there is entirely different from visiting. I'd rather visit Chicago, I think, than live there.

So, I don't know where we're going to end up. I know for sure it won't be his home state (MI).

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I'm curious .. What draws you to St Louis so much .. other than that you come from there? I met you in St Louis in 1998, ten years ago. I found the city to be dangerous .. of course, part of that was where my housing and the theatre were located. It's got a great park and some great buildings and neighborhoods, but the city felt like it was in decline. I'd love to hear your answer. Unless you moved there, I would know no one:)

I've really enjoyed my times in Chicago on tour; but out of my close friends, only one is located there. I do have some acquaintances; there is community, but I would be concerned about the cost of living. I would want to live in the thick of things!

[chrisglass.livejournal.com]

I would love to move somewhere (else), some day.

Been in Ohio my whole life, and though I've no real complaints, I very much enjoy new experiences. For now, I'll leave that to travel (which has slowed down considerably*) and to my imagination.

* Starting a company takes an investment of self (and money). So I figure by working close to home for the next 5 years or so, it will pay off later.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Well, Cincy is a nice city and I certainly enjoyed spending time with you there .. though it's hard to believe that it was three years ago now. How much of your business is tied to location? I know your family is nearby ... and your honey has his gigs. Five years from now, what city's siren would call to you?

HUGS!

[scottokc.livejournal.com]

I have lived in Oklahoma City most of my life. I lived in Milwaukee for a few months in 1988. There are some things about it that I miss, but I don't think that I'd move back there. My mom lived in Hawaii, and I was there almost a month after she died. I don't think that I could live in Hawaii. The cost of living is pretty high. Even though the weather is nice all the time, being on an island does get to you after a while. I've been to lots of different places over the years, but haven't found a place where I would want to move. Even though I can tell you all the reasons why Oklahoma City is backwards and will always be a second-rate town, it is home.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Well, if it feels like home, that says it all. You're metro-monogamous. Given that fact .. Let's play "what if"! With what cities would you have an affair if given the opportunity?

HUGS!

[use2bshy.livejournal.com]

I don't believe my loyality is to the city or town but to the life I have established in this town. I wouldn't change at this time as that would be giving up my texas family and my job of 24 years

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Your point is so pertinent! Loyalty to the life you've established in your town. Much food for thought. Thanks, my friend!

HUGS!

[bear-left.livejournal.com]

I'm a native New Yorker - it's a family of origin, the city that made me who I am, a place I long to go back to... but don't know that it'd be good for me to go back, and can't imagine having the money for.

My summer in Leningrad was a classic undergrad fling, a coming of age tale...

Durham wasn't an obvious love at first, and took some negotiation, some adjusting, some compromise, but came to work out in the long run much better than I ever would have expected.

Athens and I... no. A forced marriage at best, but I had Atlanta on the side, keeping me sane and affirmed.

Boston... still getting to know Boston. Don't imagine I'll be here for the rest of my life -- too cold, literally and culturally - but I think it's a good place to be for the next stage of my life.

DC has long appealed to me, and Toronto and Montreal are always exciting to me. I think I'm likely to stick with the northeast as long as my mother's alive, barring some remarkable job and/or relationship opportunity, but far down the road, the West Coast beckons - the northwest in particular.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I've always loved Toronto and Boston, though Gay life in Boston isn't for me what it was 15 years ago when I first toured through. I suspect that my love affairs with many of the cities I've visited would fade under the steady gaze of life post-bars and concentrated Gay Ghettos. Perhaps, I'm so drawn to Minneapollis and still to Seattle, because I know I have community there .. and close friends within the communities.

I so used to love being from Texas, but have to admit upon reflection, that I was always more in love with the myth, than the reality. At this stage, I really want to live in a state where I have "rights". I can't imagine living in Georgia, Florida or Virginia for that reason, though I have many acquaintances who happily dwell in those states.

I'm not sure I can be metro-monogamous. I've been spoiled by my travels .. early and lasting metro-affairs leave me without a loyalty to any one place.

HUGS!

[tbone1961.livejournal.com]

With kids in the picture, I ain't goin nowhere. Which is fine by me. Born and raised in these parts, I highly doubt my survival in ANY big city. I am the typical country boy!

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

It's got to be nice to be so certain! Good for you!

HUGS!

[bookbear.livejournal.com]

This is something I've often thought about. People move for vastly different reasons; some negative, some positive. Through my life my moves have been with family as a youngster (born in Cleveland, then New Orleans then Chicago) for adventure (Chicago followed by Honolulu, then San Francisco) for necessity (SF to Chicago), for "love" (Chicago to Louisville to St Louis), back to necessity (back to Chicago), for real love (Chicago to Madison) and for love again (Madison to Detroit).

Some of those places I haven't thought about twice after leaving, but some hold important memories. New Orleans is my "emotional hometown." It's my father's birthplace, it's where I went through puberty, taught myself the ins and outs of gay life, learned the joy of public backroom sex pre-AIDS. Chicago is where I have more friends and family, and Madison is a town I just love: it's people, its easy theater life I was a part of, some close friends. Madison is where I think, in my thirties, I really started to be somewhat of an adult.

And can see for the distant future my life with Sean and being relegated to where we live next based more on his job and needs and wishes than my own, and that's fine. I can't imagine finding a new place that has all that New Orleans and Chicago and Madison provide me with. any place after this (Austin?) will be for love, adventure, and a love of adventure.

And yes, I'm a libra, so I'm always ready for a change of scenery.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Well, if it's Austin, then you're in my neck of the woods. I'm there once or twice a week for work right now. I am drawn to Minneapolis and Madison right now, though Seattle is always in my heart. Chicago seems to be the connecting thread through many sage stages of your life. I think it will always be an important part of who you are.

New Orleans holds a lot of memories for me too ... 1972 ... Losing my chorus buddies to seek out my first same-sex encounter ...1980 ... my first national tour city ... 1986 ... 8 months of dating a cajun guy and thinking about a relationship with another man ... 1997 ... when Tim and I got together and defined ourselves as a couple ... Lots of life-affirming events took place there for me. So, I get New Orleans as your "emotional hometown". Lucky you!

Big HUGS!

[eggwards.livejournal.com]

Seattle has seemed friendly, and vibrant, as well as quirky, sort of like Austin, without the sunshine, I suppose. It also has the pines that I loved growing up in Nacogdoches and Conroe. then there are the mountains - very different from what I know in Texas. I like the idea of living near the sea, too.

We'd love to go out to lunch or dinner (we usually eat late, so be sure to tell us).

[eggwards.livejournal.com]

Well, that was meant to be a reply to the above, but I guess I hit the wrong reply button. oh well!