Deja Moo ... A Distraction ...
Jan. 20th, 2008 08:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mrdreamjeansJust for the Pun of it on a cold Sunday morning in Texas:
1) An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
2) Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
3) Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
4) Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
5) A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says , "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
6) A dyslexic man walks into a bra ...
7) Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
8) I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
9) I went to a seafood disco last week ... and pulled a mussel.
10) A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
11) "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home." Doc answers, "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." The patient says, "Is it common?" Doc replies, "It's Not Unusual."
12) Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
13) What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
14) Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
NOT ENOUGH? O.K., THERE'S MORE: :)
15) Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"
16) Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
17) A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
18) Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron."The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "I'm positive."
1) An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
2) Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
3) Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
4) Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
5) A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says , "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
6) A dyslexic man walks into a bra ...
7) Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
8) I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
9) I went to a seafood disco last week ... and pulled a mussel.
10) A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
11) "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home." Doc answers, "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." The patient says, "Is it common?" Doc replies, "It's Not Unusual."
12) Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
13) What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
14) Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
NOT ENOUGH? O.K., THERE'S MORE: :)
15) Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"
16) Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
17) A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
18) Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron."The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "I'm positive."
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Date: 2008-01-20 03:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-20 04:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-20 03:22 pm (UTC)A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks "Why the long face?"
The next day, Celine Dion walks into the same bar, the bartender asks "Hey, weren't you here yesterday?"
Q. If there are two flies in a kitchen, which one is the cowboy?
A.The one on the range.
Q. How can you tell if a farmer is gay?
A. The way he says John Deere. (If in doubt on this joke, say it out loud)
Did you hear about the man with five penises? His pants fit him like a glove.
and two Silly Sally jokes to end this joke fest.
Silly Sally was walking through a pasture when she saw a tiny flower on the top of a cow-pie. Silly Sally laughed and laughed, cuz she knew the flower didn't do it.
Silly Sally was walking through the park when a large man jumped her and tore off all of her clothes. Silly Sally laughed and laughed cuz she knew the clothes wouldn't fit him
no subject
Date: 2008-01-20 04:17 pm (UTC)Thanks, but I forgot to add the joke told by the nurse.
Date: 2008-01-20 04:19 pm (UTC)Hose A. and Hose B.
Re: Thanks, but I forgot to add the joke told by the nurse.
Date: 2008-01-20 04:24 pm (UTC)HUGS!
no subject
Date: 2008-01-20 03:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-20 04:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-20 03:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-20 04:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-20 04:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-20 04:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-20 04:19 pm (UTC)HUGS!
no subject
Date: 2008-01-20 04:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-20 06:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-20 06:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-20 05:21 pm (UTC)I loved the dyslexic one!
no subject
Date: 2008-01-20 06:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-20 05:44 pm (UTC)He described it as a "blintzkreig."
I replied, asking him whether the blintzkreig was being carried out by the Luftwaffle.
no subject
Date: 2008-01-20 06:10 pm (UTC)HUGS!
no subject
Date: 2008-01-20 06:13 pm (UTC)A man went to the doctor with a strange complaint.
"Well it's like this Doc, when I drive to work in the morning through the country lanes I start to sing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'. If I see a cat then it's 'What's New, Pussycat?'. It's so embarrassing, even when I'm asleep and dreaming, I still keep singing. Last night, it was 'Delilah', and my wife was not amused!"
"Yes, it would appear that you have the early symptoms of Tom Jones syndrome".
"Well I've never heard of that, is it common?" asked the man.
"It's not unusual", replied the doctor.
no subject
Date: 2008-01-20 06:20 pm (UTC)Even worse puns from my sister-in-law
Date: 2008-01-20 06:48 pm (UTC)* Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
* Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
* The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
* To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
* When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
* The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
* A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
* A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
* Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
* We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
* When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U C L A.
* The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
* The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
* The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
* If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
* A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
* What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway)
* A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
* Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
* A backward poet writes inverse.
* In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
* A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
* If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
* With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
* Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
* When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
* The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
* A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
* You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
* He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
* A calendar's days are numbered.
* A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
* A boiled egg is hard to beat.
* He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
* A plateau is a high form of flattery.
* Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
* When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
* When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
* Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
* Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
* Acupuncture: a jab well done
Re: Even worse puns from my sister-in-law
Date: 2008-01-20 07:23 pm (UTC)Thanks for adding to the list!
HUGS!
no subject
Date: 2008-01-20 06:54 pm (UTC)Hugs!
no subject
Date: 2008-01-20 07:24 pm (UTC)HUGS!
no subject
Date: 2008-01-20 11:23 pm (UTC)The bartender takes one look at them and asks, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
http://www.bearwithme.us/index.php?strip_id=13
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Date: 2008-01-21 12:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-21 03:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-21 04:46 am (UTC)Still chuckling at some...especially the guy who proved it can pay to be dyslexic (if he's straight).
Thanks for the merriment - Hugs!
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Date: 2008-01-21 12:40 pm (UTC)HUGS!
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Date: 2008-01-21 08:19 pm (UTC)Gimme a buzz - I'll be up til 11:00pm tonight.
Hugs!
no subject
Date: 2008-01-22 01:24 am (UTC)HUGS!
no subject
Date: 2008-01-21 01:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-22 01:23 am (UTC)Big HUGS!
no subject
Date: 2008-01-22 03:20 pm (UTC)