How can someone with double vision be so blind?

[mrdreamjeans]

How can someone with double vision be so blind?

My father has recovered. It seems the source of his problems may be from adjusting to his new vision after cataract surgery or perhaps an inner ear problem. I have worried about him nonstop for five days. Now he is well enough to be a pain in the ass again and I am definitely considering homicide:) (Or is that homo-cide:)? LOL!

He has been unable to connect any dots for days, mixing up words, names, medications, arguing as we patiently explain his confusion, being verbally abusive when my mother and I try to make sense out of his babble. It is compounded by constant repetition of questions, constant instruction for tasks we perform for him every day... I liked him better when he was dizzy and had double-vision. He is blind to the impression he is making...according to him, he's totally misunderstood and no one is listening.

Every time I leave the room, I am asked where I'm going. This is not a large home. There are very few destinations. Mom and I fear the beginning of Alzheimer's, but I think with my father it is more about feeling needed and to be the center of attention, albeit negative attention.

Dad just talks to talk. I can't explain how infuriating this is, but I'm afraid it takes a better man than I am today to find the patience to deal with him. If you say anything to him, the first word out of his mouth is no; if you disagree, you're not listening; if you make a gentle correction, you're too critical. I'm fed up...

I can't understand why I care so much about what happens to my Dad.

Example 1: Mom has severe pain in her knee while I am driving them to the eye doctor. Dad - "Hey, look at that short bed Chevy Truck...I've never liked.... Me - "Dad, no one cares about short bed Chevy trucks right now, Mom is in pain." Dad (whining) - "No one ever lets me finish what I'm going to say." Me - "Dad, your wife is in incredible pain, trust me, I do not give a flyin flip what you have to say right now about Chevy pickups... or about anything else, till I figure out how to help Mom."

Example 2: Dad looks at a waitress at dinner tonight and says to my mom, "since you've lost weight you look as good as she does.... except your fat isn't as solid." I thought my mom was going to hit him up side the head. I was rootin' for her to do so.

Example 3: "Jeez, Neil. There sure are a lot of good-looking young waitresses here. Check that one out." Me - "Dad, you check them out. Where are the waiters?" (I love to do that:)

Example 4: After calling doctors and insisting on Dad's being seen; after spending an entire holiday weekend cooking and responding to his every need.... "You know, Jeff is a good son." (This is my younger brother who was 500 miles away all weekend; who lives only 8 miles away and sees him only occasionally and the very same son who went hunting seven weekends in a row last year when I was moving my parents into their new home and didn't help at all.)

I realize that I am ranting, but I've got to process this somehow. Everything from his right-wing politics to his constantly smacking gum (in lieu of his pipe smoking which caused his stroke) is irritating me.

Many of my long time friends have never seen me angry; I am usually level-headed and very open to compromise, but this is difficult. When I'm around here, all of my general good nature and happiness is sucked right out of me.

I know, I know, I ought to be happy I have both parents alive. I am very aware of that fact. Ah, Hell! Maybe I'm just a cranky so and so.... please forgive for the rant....I take responsibility for my participation in this behavior. Oh well - it's just for the summer, right?

Comments

[gotmoof.livejournal.com]

Time to let your mom smack him and back off.

Strategy

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

That's my strategy for today:)

[excessor.livejournal.com]

Welcome to the world of my parents.

Neil, I'm right there with you. What is it about family that can bring normal people to the verge of violence? I laughed out loud reading this because except for a few details, I could have written it. I suspect others have similar experiences. I hope it gets better.

My rant

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Thanks for understanding. I am writing to gain perspective and to diffuse the tension.

[ciddyguy.livejournal.com]

Dear,

I wish I could be there to give you a good hug, but I'm in Seattle, you in Texas (or is that texus???)

I do understand how family can be more of a pain than our friends and/or lovers/partners/hubbies etc.

While I have my frustrations with my oldest sister who insists on being a fundie, and our family's tendency to not communicate very well in spreading the word about and such, we have it easy compared to others. I lost my Dad to pancreatic cancer in '98 so do not have him anymore but I've been fortunate to have spent the past year with my Mom and we've gotten much closer and have always been close, at least now, she understands me better as an adult these days. I do love her to pieces mind you and let her know every chance I get.

Hang in there, feel free to IM me or Email me if you need to. I'm also good on the phone if you choose to go that route, just need to pass on my #'s (land line and cell) if you want them.

Do take care my LJ friend.

Why is it our parents know what buttons to push on us? Easy. They installed them :o)

[mncuddlecub.livejournal.com]

It sounds like part of the problem isn't that your Dad's being a jerk, but rather it's unlike him to be so, and it's that that's bothering you. I know my Grandfather has Alzheimer's, and I know the feeling of being around someone I know, and yet not know that person all at once, and how uncomforting it can be.

Or maye I'm reading into it too much, and you should make like Cher, smack him and say "snap out of it!"

Re: Why is it our parents know what buttons to push on us? Easy. They installed them :o)

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

"It sounds like part of the problem isn't that your Dad's being a jerk, but rather it's unlike him to be so, and it's that that's bothering you."

Thanks for the clarity, Keith... You are very correct. My Dad has always been someone I admired. Now I spend most of my time being embarrassed or angry that he is aging so dramatically...or covering up for his mistakes or forgetfulness. It is a difficult thing to witness.

The old 'drop-off ' trick...

[bearchitect.livejournal.com]

Neil, I'll be heading for Texus at the end of July for my parent's 50th wedding anniversary.

So what'cha say we both drive our fathers to Katy Mall (mine doesn't drive, hee-hee), "we" meet at the food court, and under the pretense of going to see a movie,... we leave!
Leaving them behind at the mall!! They seem to be made for each other.

Re: The old 'drop-off ' trick...

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I'll have my truck ready to pick ya'll up! However, if we went back to get them in a fit of conscience, they would probably have charmed everyone in sight as eccentric old codgers and we'd be the evil twins:)

Plus - Dad would have been so busy talking and trying to convince your Dad that driving Dodge trucks and voting Republican is the only way to go, that they might not notice they were left behind. Even if your Dad and mine were in perfect agreement, my Dad would still be arguing since he does very little listening:) (grin)

Regardless, seeing a movie sounds good!

Re: The old 'drop-off ' trick...

[bearchitect.livejournal.com]

Like I said... they are made for each other!
First off, no need to convince my dad to vote republican, he already has an altar dedicated to Ronnie, and while your dad extolls the virtues of the Hemmi my dad will be checking out the 'purty' girls passing by completly ignoring him (oh! he's so good at that! Both the ogling and the ignoring).

In return, your Dad will have to suffer through 800 years of the history of our family, the ties to royalty, the Dukes of Bexar (founders of San Antonio) and everything your Dad would never want to know about the oil industry... in the States, South America, the Balkans, and anyewhere else there has ever been an oil well drilled!

Ya! a movie sounds good. I'll be in Houston from the 29th till August 5. We'll firm things up later.

Re: The old 'drop-off ' trick...

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Excellent about the movie! Was your Dad an engineer? Mine is/was a mechanical engineer, so he might just be fascinated with your dad's oil stories and then my Dad would tell him at length about his time in Mexico City and speak the most fractured Spanish you've ever heard.

[canadianspud.livejournal.com]

I grew up on a farm in southern Saskatchewan. My father still works eight section of land. I go home to visit the folks every now and then. My "Shriner Dad-Gay Son Survival Trick" is to arrange daily fishing trips to a local lake. A good fisherman is patient, calm and QUIET! Is there a fishing hole near you?

Fishing

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

My Dad would try to talk the fish out of the water. I'd also have to listen to endless stories of when he went fishing as a boy. My Dad took me trout fishing in Pennsylvania when I was 11 years old as a bonding experience. We got up at 3am. I caught no fish.

To this day, the only way I want to see 3 am is if I'm eating breakfast at an all-night diner with a special beau after a fun night of dancing or on a clock during a second round of love-making in the middle of the night. LOL!

At 11, I was scared to death to be alone with my father. He traveled constantly in his job as a field service engineer. I seldom saw him and knew him even less. He understood even less about his artistic son. (I will give him credit - infuriating or not, he isn't homophobic and has always been supportive of me in this regard.)

By the time we returned to our truck camper at noon that day, I was so upset that I ate 11 hamburgers, a large bag of chips and drank a gallon of milk in one sitting. This record still stands in my family for emotional eating:)

I have never been fishing again. (I let my brother, who does Bass tournaments and whose living room is filled with trophy heads...I call it the dead animals room... handle the huntin'/fishin' duties in the family:)

Thanks for commenting!