Friends in Deed, are Friends Indeed....

[mrdreamjeans]

I have a handsome young cub friend who is undergoing exploratory surgery today (Friday) for several growths around his liver. They are increasing in size and number. When I saw him a couple of days ago, I could see the fear in his eyes as he told me the news of the surgery, understandably so. I could tell he wanted reassurance that everything would be okay... needed kindness and hugs and words of love and support beyond those provided by his loyal and equally handsome partner.

My friend also could use the kind of friend who will call the hospital to check up on him; the kind of friend who will listen to the details of the procedure with patience and understanding; the kind of friend that can be counted on in a crisis. I intend to be that kind of friend.

I often tell my parents, siblings, niece and nephews that I am lucky. I have two families. The one I was born into and my "family of choice" - my friends. Many times, this second family brings me greater joy and better understanding than my blood relatives, though I must say I'm pretty fortunate in both cases. I can count on both families.

Though my friend has a partner, he is estranged from his nuclear family. I think he is seeking certainty that his friends will be there in his hour of need. Isn't that what we all hope for? The knowledge that the friends we have made in the special community we are part of cares for us and won't leave us alone in our hour, weeks, months or years of need?

I'm curious.... Do you consider yourself that kind of friend? Would you be there in a friend's hour of need? Have you been there in a friend's hour of need? I'd like to hear your stories.

Comments

Be there or be banished

[hotelbearsf.livejournal.com]

Absolutely I'd be there. The problem that most people have is asking you to be there so it's a good friend that is cogniscent of this and just announces he'll be there. It's up to the friend to say if he doesnt need you at that exact time.

The best part about choosing your family is that there's no hang ups - except where to hang your coat where you walk in.

Sounds like your friend could use you by his side. Go there and give him a big hug.

"...you consider yourself that kind of friend?"...

[bearchitect.livejournal.com]

Yes!
Yes!
In 1998 I started working at a mid-sized architectural firm. As I was shown my new location in the studio (in most architectural offices there are no offices, nor cubicles -or cubicals! For that matter). Not known to me, at the time, I was given the desk of someone that had been on sick-leave/sabbatical for an extended period. The sabbatical was taken so he and his wife could go to Viet-Nam to pick up their adopted child, the sick-leave was for him to recuperate from brain-tumor surgery.

Eventualy he returned to the office, I was unaware of his existance and background until that point. I can still see the look on his face when he saw me at his desk, sitting on his chair, using his computer (his wallpaper still on the screen). As I heard his story a lot of things started making sense, specially the photo of rice fields on his screen saver!

I'm afraid this is going to be a looooooong "comment" Neil, hope you don't mind if I finish it off as an entry in my journal..... follow me, if you please

I would be that kind of friend

[ciddyguy.livejournal.com]

I'm now at that stage in my life where I can do just that, should the situation ever arise.

I am very fortunate that my long time straight friends were there and didn't condem me when I came out, nearly 3 years ago. Doug once said to me in January at a baby shower for our mutual friend that he's glad I'm gay and that it's where I was obviously meant to be. That's a true friend in my mind.

Having someone come and take care of you when you are sick (and single) is a nice thing to have. We all should be fortunate that we have any close ties with our blood families, but also should be fortunate of our family of choice.

Armistead put it well in the Tales of the City series that when you do not have a blood family to rely on, or nearby, you make your family, where ever you are, be it the tenants of your apartment house, such was the case in Tales.

Anyway, I'm glad you are going to be that kind of friend to this man with the cancer. It's those kinds of traits I treasure in a person.

Re: Be there or be banished

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I will do that! There are hugs that give and hugs that take from someone else. I have extra to give. Thanks for commenting!

Re: "...you consider yourself that kind of friend?"...

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Thanks for commenting Fernando! I look forward to the rest of your story. "I will follow him, follow him wherever he may go." Hugs!

Re: indeed!

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Not one detail of your story surprises me, Robert. Without knowing you in person, I absolutely knew that you were "that kind of friend". Your blogs are often the inspiration for some of my entries, in fact for the most recent political ones. I am so pleased to get to know you through your words and thoughts... and deeds. Thanks for commenting!

Re: I would be that kind of friend

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I treasure those traits too. It is why I was pondering my friend's challenge. It is good to know you are that kind of friend, John. I haven't made the leap to the growths being cancerous...let's take a deep breath and believe that they are benign. I know that is the source of the fear behind my friend's eyes. Let's hope for the best result....

"Tales of the City" and its sequels were seminal books in my growth and journey to acceptance. I so wanted to move to SF and live with the family created in that apartment building. I bet many of us identified with Michael Mouse Tolliver and his circle of friends. Who did you most identify with in that series of books?

Thanks for commenting!

Re: I would be that kind of friend

[ciddyguy.livejournal.com]

Micheal "Mouse" Tolliver, who else! After all, I'm as "queer as a three dollar bill", to quote him. :-)

I saw the original Tales on Ch. 9 back when it originaly aired in January 1994, taped it and have veiwed the tapes over, and over, and over until I've nearly worn them out. :-) I now have Tales and More Tales on DVD.

I still would like to go and at least visit SF myself, if not end up living there, but I think I need to let God make the decisions for where he thinks I should go in my journey through life.

Re: I would be that kind of friend

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Ah - Youth! I am referring to "Tales of the City" and its sequels as books. You are referring to them as movies and DVDs:) Yet, we both took from the works what we needed to hear.

Re: I would be that kind of friend

[ciddyguy.livejournal.com]

I forgot to mention that I have read all of his works in book form and in some ways do prefere them over the movies.

BTW, I'm not that young anymore. I'm 39. :-)

I'd LIKE to be...

[bruinwi.livejournal.com]

I have been there for some of my dear friends, visiting in hospital, being a shoulder to cry on, giving a hug. From time-to-time, I've even been there too often, mirroring my grandmother's tendency to "hover" and be a mother hen. Unca Bruin does love to feel needed...

At other times, I'm know I've let people down. I'm not sure, tho, which is worse: KNOWING you've dropped the ball, or going on in blissful ignorance of the fact that you were in a position to do something and didn't. My known faults weigh heavily on me; I'm not sure how well I'll deal with the Great Reveal, when the reel of my life is replayed before me in every minute, unedited detail to be Judged. It is a good thing that God's Grace is infinte and given freely, rather than earned.

Re: I'd LIKE to be...

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

As always, you are articulate and thoughtful. I can sympathize with all of your points. I will keep you posted if (Tim) BarakSF and I head through Madison on the latter portion of Grand Moving Adventure. It would be really nice to meet you!