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The centerpiece to my Wednesday in San Francisco was a trip to see a new musical with my friend John, aka Basso Bear to many folks around the country. Presented by ACT, with a pedigree that includes director Robert Wilson, composer Tom Waits and writer William S. Burroughs, I looked forward to the opportunity to see their work, "The Black Rider...the casting of the magic bullets".

To use a bit of the program synopsis, "'The Black Rider' is a story about making a pact with the devil, about what people will do when they want something too badly." I wish I could tell you that it was money well spent, but it was one of the most tedious, yet infuriating afternoons I've ever spent in the theatre. I am still trying to figure out how to get ACT to pay me back for having to suffer through this three-hour mess.

I love theatre. I think we should all see theatre, good or bad and challenge ourselves. Yes, I got it, but it doesn't mean that I had to like it. I know when I'm being hit over the head with an allegory. I understand "this influence" and "that reference" and "tip of the hat" to this source.

I'm very open to enjoying a German Expressionist Fable. But please... in the midst of all of this hyper-awareness, self-indulgence and SELF-IMPORTANCE, please remember to be entertaining. For most of the three hours, the majority of the audience at the matinee just looked stunned and confused.

An experience I had a decade ago is a good example of how irritating this kind of production can be. I was reviewing a play by Arthur Kopit which was a send-up of David Mamet. Basically, the foulest language imaginable and one scene ended with a would-be Hollywood producer presented a silver tureen.

His potential investors, said that if he wanted them to back his movie, then he would eat this...they lifted the top of the tureen and there was a pile of dog shit. The lights went to black as the wanna-be producer reached for the dish. Most of the audience left at intermission.

I had a similar reaction to a scene in the Black Rider yesterday. Four of the principals were singing among the caracasses of animals (including a cow) that the young clerk had shot from the sky to prove he was worthy of marrying the woman he loved. The quartet at one point sang together while sitting on one of the bloody carcasses, one got up and the other three rolled over leaving their legs in the air. (Did I mention everything is tiringly stylized?) Hit me with a sledgehammer!

To be fair, there are several stunning visuals, the costuming and sound effects are strong and the performers are very skilled. But they are often asked to sing off-key (I hope it's deliberate) and make all kinds of shrill effects with their voices. There is a final ballad by Pegleg (the Devil) that is stunningly simple and beautiful, but it was too late to save the day. It's all absurd and often nonsensical. I just wish it had been rewarding.

I know I will be in the minority on merits of this production. The reviews have been glowing. There are symposiums on Wilson and Burroughs being offered. The performances are sold out and "The Black Rider" has been extended, so of course, it must be wonderful. People have been told that's their opinion.

However, I want the three hours of my life back that I wasted. The saving grace is that Basso was with me; at least I had a friend and witness to share the experience. John, who is even more familiar with German Expressionism than I am, said he was just going to have to go home and drink to erase the memory of the show:)

The whole experience played like someone's bad trip on drugs or a nightmare. You can save yourself $70, if you just eat a bowl of bad chili and have your own tuneful nightmare. And to think.... I could have gone to "Dame Edna" next door.

I love theatre.... I really do....

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