Where have all the women gone?

[mrdreamjeans]

My title is mostly tongue-in-cheek, but it brings up a topic that I discussed with another LJ friend a couple of months ago. I've been delighted to have a baker's dozen of women as my friends on Live Journal. I like having diversity of thought, opinion, reaction, sensibility in my blog ... find that my women friends offer distinct points of view that enrich the experience of making meaningful connections through our writing. Even within my female friends on LJ, there is diversity ... a range of age, experience and identification ... straight, lesbian and bi ... that delights and enlightens me.

One of my gay male LJ friends, who I don't know well, wrote that he didn't have women in his life in any significant way ... pondered why so many gay men seemed to have close connections to women. I responded that I genuinely like women. I enjoy their company. I'm emotionally in tune with them. I am close to several women, too many singer/actress friends to mention. I am blessed with dynamic and loving women in my life, both straight and lesbian.

In my inner most circle of friends, I have five gay men, one straight man, two lesbians and two straight women ... I didn't consciously pick them for diversity ... and of course, the definition of "inner most" is entirely subjective. I am close to my sister, niece and mother. I'm not happy living in a gay-male-bear-centric bubble. In fairness, many of the lesbians I know tend to exclude gay men from their lives; sometimes, I've been the only "approved" man in their circle:) Not sure why, but so be it.

Many men do want to live a gay male centric life and that's fine, but I often don't fit in with them comfortably. I must admit, I don't understand men who genuinely don't like women. There are folks of all genders that each of us likes or dislikes, but I don't take a look at anyone and dismiss them as potential friend simply because of gender. I am creative, empathetic, right-brained ... I wonder if that's a factor in how I relate to women.

Of the baker's dozen of women on my friend's list, about half still actively write or comment on Live Journal. I read everything they write. As in the general population, most now have a Facebook account and I don't often see posts from them on LJ. For me, the continual feed on FB really makes it difficult to stay in touch. With LJ, I can go to their blogs, read, savor and respond to their posts when I am able to.

So, I ask my friends ... separate from your partners ... If you're male, what role do women ... straight or lesbian ... play in your life? Do you have close friendships with women? What do those friendships mean to you? If you're female, what role do men, gay or straight, play in your lives? Do you have close friendships with men? What do those friendships mean to you?

I am going to leave this post open, so that men and women you might know, also have an opportunity to offer their points of view.

Comments

A certain level of difficulty exists in building friendships with men, Neil.

[bonkishnurtaz.livejournal.com]

Overall, I find it easier to speak with women. Straight men are more difficult and gay men are the most difficult, of all. Generally speaking, I have not gone out to dinner with men, with the possible exceptions of Earnie and my former best friend- Mike and the members of the group which i had formerly belonged to. I do however visit my male friend's house in Tucson, upon occasion.

I was going to have dinner with my friend Tina tonight. Tomorrow will be her 51st birthday. Unfortunately she had twisted her ankle last night and was unable to attend dinner. Hence, I had to change my plans. We will reschedule dinner for sometime next weekend.

I had changed my plans also. As a result, I am having dinner at Feast (http://www.eatatfeast.com) instead. I have more of a rapport with the
waitresses than I do with the waiters. In fact one of the waitresses appreciates many of the
same art styles, which I do. Nevertheless, I have the distinction of normally dining alone. Most of the people who dine out are either couples, or in groups. As of this writing, the private dining room has almost filled completely! Of course there were some handsome bearded men in another section of the restaurant.

As far as work is concerned, many of my colleagues are male. I happen to get along better with most of the engineers, than my fellow technicians!

((((HUGS))))

Re: A certain level of difficulty exists in building friendships with men, Neil.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I find I get in my own way when it comes to friendships with other gay men, though if sexual attraction or flirting isn't part of the equation, it's usually not a problem for me.

Since Tim and I became roommates, we often share meals, but if he's not around, I usually dine alone. I don't mind it.