Things to be celebrated...

[mrdreamjeans]

My entire West Coast trip is full of things to be cherished and celebrated. I've made significant personal discoveries, decided to burst out of my self-woven cocoon and have laid some ghosts to rest.

I have been going through a five-year period where many things in my life didn't quite jell. I made decisive moves, carefully thought-out plans, and embraced calculated risk, but somehow, I was just treading water. I wasn't happy, but knew that the work to be done was internal, not external. You can never rely on anyone else to make you happy.

Among the discoveries or reminders:

* 20-year friendships can remain meaningful and endure.
* I don't have to make perfect decisions.
* You can be rewarded by spontaneity.
* There are perfect days in life, sometimes perfect weeks.
* You can go through times when the climate for friendship is fertile. Most of my inner circle of friends have been in my life for decades. This week I opened myself up, made myself emotionally available to new people. There is a distinct possibility that real friendships will evolve from taking this risk.
* There is room for romance and courting. Every date does not have to end up in bed to be successful. And I don't have to defend against rumors to the contrary.
* I can overcome my aversion to parties and avoid a retreat to a corner where I can safely take on the role of observer. I did not hide behind a camera either. Milestones for me....
* Exes as friends can be a reality and the reality is one to be cherished.
* To deny yourself affection is damaging. It's misguided; the desire to feel sexy, attractive, appreciated and loved isn't a sign of weakness, it's the very breath of life.
* All of us should live our lives to make a difference. Thanks to MuffinMan for providing the most fully developed example of that philosophy I've seen in years.
* I will continue to say exactly what I mean.
* I can bond with a pit bull named Tuck:)
* One day I want a wedding of my own. I'm tired of just singing at them.
* It's humbling to be the first person that a handsome 21-year old young man came out to here in Seattle; delightful to be his mentor in theatre and as a Gay man. I am proud to be his "big gay uncle"... To have earned his trust and respect is a wonderful feeling.

In closing... Yesterday as I was walking to the LJ picnic, I was passing a house; a car was backing out of the driveway containing a matched-set of bearish men in a station wagon. I patiently waited for them to exit their garage and driveway. As they pulled away, they both sent me a smile and a wave of thanks.

It was just a brief moment of ordinariness for them; but for me, the random stranger passing by, it tugged at my heart. In an instant, I knew they were a happy couple headed out for a lovely sunny afternoon, perhaps just to accomplish simple errands. I celebrate the unexpected glimpse into their lives...its cozy matter-of-factness. Two men in love, just living their lives...

If you're fortunate to be part of a couple and sometimes take the small moments for granted, just know there are men out there who appreciate your commitment... who honor and celebrate the blessings in being well and truly loved.

Comments

[orange-groves.livejournal.com]

Great post. :)

BTW, I "friended" you, hope that's ok.

Dance To The Music

[perkk.livejournal.com]

Thank you for sharing this. I called to me on several levels. I have several friends of over 20 years, I'm friends with most of my Ex's, a life self examined is an important on but being in action is also import, little moments can be very special, and taking care of yourself is also imporant.

[ex-quietdanm235.livejournal.com]

Such wise advice! Thank you for sharing it so that others (like me!) can be encouraged by your discoveries and hopefully apply some of your wisdom to my own life.

Thank you!

[lumberjackie-o.livejournal.com]

look at MY last post and you'll see why this was lovely to read for me today.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Of course:)

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Will do!

[tbone1961.livejournal.com]

WOW. Got all warm and fuzzy inside reading this. AWESOME man you for sharing such deep and personal things with us. Glad the whole LJ weekend out there went well.

Congrats!

[nlotic.livejournal.com]

What a great perspective you have on life! Thanks for sharing. It is helping others (me for one).

Thanks for sharing

[ciddyguy.livejournal.com]

If you're fortunate to be part of a couple and sometimes take the small moments for granted, just know there are men out there who appreciate your commitment... who honor and celebrate the blessings in being well and truly loved.

I'm begining to see this first hand with my new beau. It's something that I will not take for granted that people seem to take us as a couple already (being lovey dovey will do that!) even after just 3 dates. :-)

But in the end, I believe it's obtainable if you really want it.

I believe in good, long term friendships as I have a best friend whom we are more like brothers than friens and have known each other for 32 years or so.

Thanks for sharing such insightful and deep thoughts with us.

Great Post

[spaceybear.livejournal.com]

Thanks for sharing all of this, and what a fabulous perspective. It was great to meet you at the LJ convergence picnic. San Francisco is a great place, but I think the most important thing wherever you live, are the connections we make and the love and friendship we share. I certainly felt all of this at the LJ convergence. I was struck by your comment about being friends with one of your X's. I am friends with most of my X's, but one (I have know for over 7 years) has been a struggle, but someday, I think that will change.

[ricksf.livejournal.com]

It was a true pleasure meeting you this weekend and sharing some chat time. I believe that your worth in life can be measured by the special people you meet and the friends you make. You are very much the former of these and I hope that we'll have the opportunity to work on the latter. Hugs!

[dr-scott.livejournal.com]

You're such a sweet, unselfish, sensitive man -- pretty rare in this time and place, and so you seem to have made a great impression on everyone who met you. I know I look forward to your return...

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Thanks Curtis! I'm beaming here in rainy Seattle! I hope to live up to the good impressions:)

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Rick! Meeting David and you was one of the highlights of attending the LJ Convergence Picnic. I now know why Bob holds you such high regard!

Thanks again for going out of your way to get me to the airport in Oakland. Turns out I was selected for extra security, so I watched as they sorted through my luggage... sort of the search I did through my emotional baggage last week. LOL!

What you said here reminds me of the last sentence of a song that I sing with much feeling....

"The only measure of your words and your deeds is the love you leave behind when you are gone."

Looks like we're both doing our best to live that philosophy!

Re: Great Post

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Having met you and seeing how warm you are in person, I have no doubt that you will work through the struggle and remain friends with him. Wasn't it wonderful how relaxed and friendly the gathering was? I don't think any of us felt any pressure to be anything other than who we genuinely are. Take care!

Re: Congrats!

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Are you remaining in the Chicago area?

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I appreciate your compliment! Now to continue to live in the moment when I return to Texas:)

[handlebear.livejournal.com]

It was really nice getting to know you that day in Muir woods. I felt that you were as a tall as some of the trees that day you were so happy.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Ah, but remember.... you were taller:) I am happy, my friend! Please keep in touch!

Re: Congrats!

[nlotic.livejournal.com]

Minnesota actually.

Re: Congrats!

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Well - The tour of "Evita" plays Minneapolis a year from October, so perhaps our paths will cross:)