Paying Your Way with Hugs and Kisses

A few days ago gotmoof (Tim) and I were chatting about being guys who take responsibility for our lives; we were talking about my debt reduction plan, his home renovations, about paying bills. We agreed that taking charge, following the rules and being the only one we count on in these matters was hard at times. Wouldn’t it be nice (and much simpler), we laughed, if we just had someone to take care of us? Tim jokingly said that he was going to put his name in the lottery for a sugar daddy. I facetiously replied that the only way I was going to be taken care of was if I was remembered in someone’s Will. Ha!

Kidding aside, I’ve never been someone to be taken care of in a relationship; well, maybe emotionally, but never financially. It wouldn’t even occur to me to rely on someone else to pay my way, even when I was a 20-something. I expect(ed) to earn a living and pay my bills and I have had the same expectations for the person I am dating or with whom I’m in a relationship. I expect honesty and integrity, a willingness to take financial responsibility from the the guy with whom I’m involved. I’m willing to help that person make their dreams come true, to go out of my way to help them set goals and create a plan of action that might result in a good job or a better life, but I'm not his personal banker.

If my partner needed my help or there were temporary career setbacks or health challenges where I had to step up to the plate, I’d be there in a heartbeat! I am generous with my time and resources. I’m not speaking about the ebb and flow of healthy relationships, but to the topic of sycophants. I’m addressing the kinds of people who pay their way only with hugs and kisses, with sex and fleeting charm ... the Peter Pans who won’t grow up ... the duplicitous folks who spend more time and effort using other people, than it would take if they just earned a living or worked hard in support of someone else. I don’t think this type of person is as prevalent as once was, even in the older man/ younger man model of earlier decades, but I do think he/she exists and I deplore the behavior when I see it.

Does the “sugar daddy” still exist? (I make a distinction between the terms “sugar daddy” and “daddy”. I believe the terms describe two very different types of men.) Have you ever looked back and realized, in hindsight, that you were taking care of someone, paying all of the bills, the only one reaching for their wallet on every occasion, having been blinded by hugs and kisses? Is it a welcome enough trade-off ... your physical needs satisfied for being the guy to pay someone else’s way? I have a wealthy 80-year old friend with a 45-year old lover. They've been together 15 years. The younger man has never been with any other man. Initially we were all horrified, blaming the younger guy for being a user. But in the ensuing years, I've never seen anyone work harder than he in terms of making their home. He does all of the physical labor around their multiple properties. Perhaps, my older friend who foots the bills, is wiser than me.

I don’t have judgment if both people have their eyes wide open, but I do know what works for me. I will continue to work and save, to pay my debts off on my own, to earn my way in life, hopefully attracting the same kind of men as I have in the past. (I've been lucky.) I’m willing to wait. A thought just occurred to me... I’m not and will never be a sugar daddy.... but maybe it’s just possible to be a daddy with a little sugar on the side... that’s it... I’ll take my hugs and kisses on the side in a balanced and loving relationship. You hear that dating Gods?!?! HA! Till then, I'm the one working his ass off to get ahead:)

Paying Your Way with Hugs and Kisses

A few days ago gotmoof (Tim) and I were chatting about being guys who take responsibility for our lives; we were talking about my debt reduction plan, his home renovations, about paying bills. We agreed that taking charge, following the rules and being the only one we count on in these matters was hard at times. Wouldn’t it be nice (and much simpler), we laughed, if we just had someone to take care of us? Tim jokingly said that he was going to put his name in the lottery for a sugar daddy. I facetiously replied that the only way I was going to be taken care of was if I was remembered in someone’s Will. Ha!

Kidding aside, I’ve never been someone to be taken care of in a relationship; well, maybe emotionally, but never financially. It wouldn’t even occur to me to rely on someone else to pay my way, even when I was a 20-something. I expect(ed) to earn a living and pay my bills and I have had the same expectations for the person I am dating or with whom I’m in a relationship. I expect honesty and integrity, a willingness to take financial responsibility from the the guy with whom I’m involved. I’m willing to help that person make their dreams come true, to go out of my way to help them set goals and create a plan of action that might result in a good job or a better life, but I'm not his personal banker.

If my partner needed my help or there were temporary career setbacks or health challenges where I had to step up to the plate, I’d be there in a heartbeat! I am generous with my time and resources. I’m not speaking about the ebb and flow of healthy relationships, but to the topic of sycophants. I’m addressing the kinds of people who pay their way only with hugs and kisses, with sex and fleeting charm ... the Peter Pans who won’t grow up ... the duplicitous folks who spend more time and effort using other people, than it would take if they just earned a living or worked hard in support of someone else. I don’t think this type of person is as prevalent as once was, even in the older man/ younger man model of earlier decades, but I do think he/she exists and I deplore the behavior when I see it.

Does the “sugar daddy” still exist? (I make a distinction between the terms “sugar daddy” and “daddy”. I believe the terms describe two very different types of men.) Have you ever looked back and realized, in hindsight, that you were taking care of someone, paying all of the bills, the only one reaching for their wallet on every occasion, having been blinded by hugs and kisses? Is it a welcome enough trade-off ... your physical needs satisfied for being the guy to pay someone else’s way? I have a wealthy 80-year old friend with a 45-year old lover. They've been together 15 years. The younger man has never been with any other man. Initially we were all horrified, blaming the younger guy for being a user. But in the ensuing years, I've never seen anyone work harder than he in terms of making their home. He does all of the physical labor around their multiple properties. Perhaps, my older friend who foots the bills, is wiser than me.

I don’t have judgment if both people have their eyes wide open, but I do know what works for me. I will continue to work and save, to pay my debts off on my own, to earn my way in life, hopefully attracting the same kind of men as I have in the past. (I've been lucky.) I’m willing to wait. A thought just occurred to me... I’m not and will never be a sugar daddy.... but maybe it’s just possible to be a daddy with a little sugar on the side... that’s it... I’ll take my hugs and kisses on the side in a balanced and loving relationship. You hear that dating Gods?!?! HA! Till then, I'm the one working his ass off to get ahead:)