Life Going Forward

I've been restless lately. Part of it has been the job inactivity, but that doesn't fully explain why I feel as I do. I like to work. I like to be productive. I like to be creative. I don't care for the sensation of spinning my wheels, of wasting time, or of floating through life without purpose. I like challenge, appreciate ambition and seek a vision for myself for the final quarter of my life. (I'd say half, but that's optimistic even by my standards:)

My musings on this subject intensified after a surprise statement by my mother last night that she and Dad were sending a letter to each of us soon, asking us what items we would like to have from their estate. Essentially, they want to hear our thoughts; they will decide if the request is fair to all and then label who gets what or give it to us to enjoy while they are alive.

Colleen, Jeff and I are in agreement that any money they have should be spent enjoying their lives now; that no piece of furniture, art, dishes or books will make up for the loss of our parents ... or bring them back, but my folks are serious. They have seen too many families split... be competitive or harsh with each other over the distribution of sentimental or valuable family heirlooms, so they want to have the final say. We will honor that.

I'm not competitive with my siblings when it comes to material things. If I asked for something and my brother or sister insisted they would like it, then they could have it. My life is filled with beautiful things that I've brought to myself. I'm not greedy. However, like many "bachelors and spinsters", I have a strong interest in the preservation of "family" and I'm often the repository of our family's keepsakes. Also, unless the unexpected happens and I was to have a son or daughter, these same family memories will go to my niece and nephews ... at some point in time.

I take great care of the items that are part of our family history. My history may end with me, but my family's will go on through my niece and nephews. My parents would like me to preserve our history and make the determination which of the next generation has the same level of commitment as they get older and show us their true character. I am not referring to a painting by my maternal grandfather, or the gun collection of my paternal grandfather, but of items like family documents from the Civil War or our family bible and genealogy which traces one side of the family back to the 1500s. Preservation of our place in history is serious stuff to me.

Last night's discussion also made me refocus on a vision for myself ... a vision beyond the tour of "Evita". When the contract ends in January 2006, I'll once again be faced with the decision of what I want to be when I grow up:) I wrote a song in my early 20s when I was struggling for an identity which ended with the line, "I guess I'll never know who I really am... lost in Never Neverland, a faded Peter Pan". I couldn't imagine that the choices I was beginning to make would lead anywhere. I couldn't see myself old.

Well, I'm a hell of a lot closer now and I can see myself old. I also have a vision of how I want to spend the remainder of my days. I think that's the key. My life is expansive because I have so many things I want to do, to see, to learn before I go. Consequently, I want to make choices that will more likely keep me around for a long while. I've got too much to do:)

I want to be around to enjoy the money I've worked so hard to earn and invest for retirement. I want to build or buy a home again and have it paid off 15 years from now. I want to perform on Broadway, though I've been so much more successful in theater than I ever thought was possible in my 25-year career. I want to write a book, record a CD, to have a major recording artist tell me he/she wants to record my songs. I want to create my own business. I want a dog:)

I want a spouse and maybe a child... one or both will do. I want to create a legacy that says that MrDreamJeans passed this way and made something of his life. I want to be remembered.

Mostly, I want to realize my vision of being a terrific, loving friend. There is a simple ballad, a blessing, that concludes with this line ... "The only measure of your words and your deeds is the love you leave behind when you are gone ..." I will be happy to have that be my epitaph ... to bring my vision to a close. But for now, my friends, I am simply going to look at life going forward.

Life Going Forward

I've been restless lately. Part of it has been the job inactivity, but that doesn't fully explain why I feel as I do. I like to work. I like to be productive. I like to be creative. I don't care for the sensation of spinning my wheels, of wasting time, or of floating through life without purpose. I like challenge, appreciate ambition and seek a vision for myself for the final quarter of my life. (I'd say half, but that's optimistic even by my standards:)

My musings on this subject intensified after a surprise statement by my mother last night that she and Dad were sending a letter to each of us soon, asking us what items we would like to have from their estate. Essentially, they want to hear our thoughts; they will decide if the request is fair to all and then label who gets what or give it to us to enjoy while they are alive.

Colleen, Jeff and I are in agreement that any money they have should be spent enjoying their lives now; that no piece of furniture, art, dishes or books will make up for the loss of our parents ... or bring them back, but my folks are serious. They have seen too many families split... be competitive or harsh with each other over the distribution of sentimental or valuable family heirlooms, so they want to have the final say. We will honor that.

I'm not competitive with my siblings when it comes to material things. If I asked for something and my brother or sister insisted they would like it, then they could have it. My life is filled with beautiful things that I've brought to myself. I'm not greedy. However, like many "bachelors and spinsters", I have a strong interest in the preservation of "family" and I'm often the repository of our family's keepsakes. Also, unless the unexpected happens and I was to have a son or daughter, these same family memories will go to my niece and nephews ... at some point in time.

I take great care of the items that are part of our family history. My history may end with me, but my family's will go on through my niece and nephews. My parents would like me to preserve our history and make the determination which of the next generation has the same level of commitment as they get older and show us their true character. I am not referring to a painting by my maternal grandfather, or the gun collection of my paternal grandfather, but of items like family documents from the Civil War or our family bible and genealogy which traces one side of the family back to the 1500s. Preservation of our place in history is serious stuff to me.

Last night's discussion also made me refocus on a vision for myself ... a vision beyond the tour of "Evita". When the contract ends in January 2006, I'll once again be faced with the decision of what I want to be when I grow up:) I wrote a song in my early 20s when I was struggling for an identity which ended with the line, "I guess I'll never know who I really am... lost in Never Neverland, a faded Peter Pan". I couldn't imagine that the choices I was beginning to make would lead anywhere. I couldn't see myself old.

Well, I'm a hell of a lot closer now and I can see myself old. I also have a vision of how I want to spend the remainder of my days. I think that's the key. My life is expansive because I have so many things I want to do, to see, to learn before I go. Consequently, I want to make choices that will more likely keep me around for a long while. I've got too much to do:)

I want to be around to enjoy the money I've worked so hard to earn and invest for retirement. I want to build or buy a home again and have it paid off 15 years from now. I want to perform on Broadway, though I've been so much more successful in theater than I ever thought was possible in my 25-year career. I want to write a book, record a CD, to have a major recording artist tell me he/she wants to record my songs. I want to create my own business. I want a dog:)

I want a spouse and maybe a child... one or both will do. I want to create a legacy that says that MrDreamJeans passed this way and made something of his life. I want to be remembered.

Mostly, I want to realize my vision of being a terrific, loving friend. There is a simple ballad, a blessing, that concludes with this line ... "The only measure of your words and your deeds is the love you leave behind when you are gone ..." I will be happy to have that be my epitaph ... to bring my vision to a close. But for now, my friends, I am simply going to look at life going forward.