Sipping Vodka .. and Larry, the Cable Guy

[mrdreamjeans]

I bet my ex, a priest for 44 years, will get a huge kick out of this ... I have no idea what happened to #13:) Enjoy!

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday, he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10) We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".
12) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.


A song title served up by Larry the Cable Guy on Blue Collar Radio -

"I Can't Get Over You, Till You Get Out From Under Him"

Comments

[designerotter.livejournal.com]

Sung by a hot little redneck bear, I can easily imagine all sorts of implications - LOL !

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Does it have to a hot little redneck bear? Taller men can be fun too! :)

[bruinwi.livejournal.com]

Larry's song title is a bit like Edie's mantra:

"The best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody else."

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Sounds like sound advice to me! :)

[notdefined.livejournal.com]

Hehehehehe. Such is why I dropped out of the pre-ministerial program in college. :)

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm ... I think that would have made you stay in ... Lots of single men! LOL!

[notdefined.livejournal.com]

I grew up Methodist, the ministerial profession was mostly hetero. I also believe you need to be called to that duty and the only voice I was hearing was my own.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I hear voices too ... *teasing* ... Funny enough, in my Gay lifetime, I was involved in a serious relationship with a priest, one of the finest people I have know and ever will know. I also dated three men who had attended seminary. I don't know if that says something positive about who I am ... or that I was able to get them to do things that would make the pope blush. *grin* .. and they needed to:)

[notdefined.livejournal.com]

I think that how one interacts with their psyche is as unique as one's fingerprints. Some people consider religion and faith to be as contrary to the human existance as possible, others have a quite personal and unshakable belief system. It took me a long time to find out that I could exist in the latter. Some never make it to the same level of understanding that I believe I have, yet still persue what they belive to be their calling into ministry. Ultimately, they find that they cannot hide from what they are and either seek out a deeper understanding, deny it or run away. I chose to leave my ambitions because the conflict was too great and seeking the ministry was more about a personal need to hide than answering a 'call'. I have known several men who have accepted themselves and understood how that could fit into a life of religion. There are some other folk that find men of the cloth to be very comforting and a guide by which they are able to explore their deeper selves.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Beautifully said!

[notdefined.livejournal.com]

It still is not quite what I wanted to say, but for fear of going too philosophical, I'll not continue, but I'll leave it at this: Everyone has their own path in life, I have mine, and despite some representatives of organized religion, I truly believe that every opinion, regardless if I agree with it, has value. From the rabid atheist, to those that cast fire and brimstone, we are all entitled to whatever blows our whistle, until we cause other people harm or attack them for just being different. At that point, I take the gloves off. :) Other than that, its all the spice in the chile. It would be a mighty bland world if we all held the same values and thought the same way. Hugs.

[designerotter.livejournal.com]

Yes, it does say something positive about who you are. The obvious just dawned on me (I'm big on slow sunrises): were you not a gifted stage performer, you could very easily have been a minister - gifted there too.
In a way, "minister" is what you so often do on LJ, and we are all the better for it.
....Though I draw the line at referring to you as the Reverend Mrdreamjeans, as you might track me down and slap me silly - LOL!

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Ah, I'd do that just because .... Hehehe

[designerotter.livejournal.com]

... LOL *snicker - chortle*

[cincy-dave.livejournal.com]

I've heard this joke before. And I remember one of the things was "We do not refer to the Virgin Mary as Mary with the cherry".

I bet that is your missing #13.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Now that would be funny!!! LOL!

[kjuncwby.livejournal.com]

OMG that was hilarious !!!!!!

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Since one of my two exes is a priest, I always enjoy the stuff that pokes fun at the church but isn't mean:)

[texwriterbear.livejournal.com]

The priest who married my oldest brother and sister-in-law carried that story around with him all the time. He was a long-time family friend of my sister-in-law. He always knew how to make me laugh.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I knew it wasn't new ... but thought i'd post the tale because it amused me. I hope you had a great weekend.

BTW, I'd like to ask a favor. I created a post last evening with several pictures. I started it out as private, then made it friends only. There has been no response (which is fine); but the last time I did this, it was screwed up and folks didn't see it. Can you tell me if it visible to you? I'd appreciate it! HUGS!

Hehehe

[beast-666.livejournal.com]

#11 kinda hit close to home..There's this cop pal of mine in a chatroom that always goes "Eat ME, Ror!!" whenever I tease him

Re: Hehehe

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Here's to cop pals!!