George Carlin's Take on Aging

[mrdreamjeans]

This monologue from George Carlin has been floating around for some time, but it certainly holds up. designerotter sent this to me by email yesterday and I thought I'd put it out there again for my friends to ponder. I certainly needed the reminder after a long week and the gloomy weather of last night and this morning.

George Carlin's View on Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . . You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50.

And your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90's, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them!"

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9 Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Comments

[apparentparadox]

I don't really have that problem with age: every year on my birthday, I choose how old I'm going to be that year. Sometimes it's a bigger number than the year before, sometimes it's a smaller number. I've turned 40 at least 3 times (and enjoyed each of them). I'm 50 right now, but I was 47.5 last year (yes, I was a 47.5 for the entire year). I have no idea how old I'm going to be on my birthday this year. Any suggestions?

This is very similar to the theory on aging that occured to me, back in '97

[bearhedded.livejournal.com]

Noone EVER told me I had to age chronologically, so I don't. That year; I was 56, the next; I was 64. I'm 75, or so this year.

I'm saving the smaller numbers for when I really need them, and getting the larger ones (that I may never reach) out of the way, while I still have the strength.

So, now, I can be a MARvelously well-preserved sexegenarian, and later, I can be a hideously debauched 40-something......it's win/win!

Re: This is very similar to the theory on aging that occured to me, back in '97

[apparentparadox]

Sounds good to me! I love it when someone tells me that I look good for 50 or whatever age I've chosen that year. I hadn't thought about the corollary of looking like a well debauched 40!

But, you don't have to hoard the small numbers. You can do them again and again if you choose. Personally, I never go below about 30, since I much prefer being older than that, but there's no reason you can't choose to be 21 a few times.

Re: This is very similar to the theory on aging that occured to me, back in '97

[bearhedded.livejournal.com]

Like the song says, I never do anything twice........*

The best part about all this is the expressions on people's faces, when your claim of being older is ju-u-u-u-u-st within the realm of possibility! Once, I managed to cause 4 jaws to hit the table simultaneously, by claiming to be 61!





*...or anyONE, come to think of it!

Re: This is very similar to the theory on aging that occured to me, back in '97

[apparentparadox]

Ah, but some things (and people) are worth doing again and again.

Re: This is very similar to the theory on aging that occured to me, back in '97

[bearhedded.livejournal.com]

I know.........I just wanted to sound flippant!

Did it work?

Re: This is very similar to the theory on aging that occured to me, back in '97

[apparentparadox]

Yep, it worked. You sounded much like a twenty-something!

Re: This is very similar to the theory on aging that occured to me, back in '97

[designerotter.livejournal.com]

One of my favorite songs (though I don't necessarily follow the admonitions therein).
OK, trivia time: name the songsmith, and the movie for which it was written.(extra points if you can name the date and the character or actor who sang it)

Re: This is very similar to the theory on aging that occured to me, back in '97

[bearhedded.livejournal.com]

I was gonna guess; Lerner and Loew, Camelot, and Morgan Lafay, even though I knew it wasn't right....."By Jupiter" rang a bell, then I just googled it!

Found quite an interesting article on Sondheim into the bargain!

Re: This is very similar to the theory on aging that occured to me, back in '97

[designerotter.livejournal.com]

If all else fails, Google is a pretty good way to go. These days I'm also a fan of Wikipedia.
The Camelot/Morgana leFay guess wasn't bad, come to think of it.
The song... "I Never Do Anything Twice"...did appear in a Broadway show: "Side By Side By Sondheim" - but that show was really a review, a collection of Sondheim's songs from several musicals. To my knowledge, the song was actually written by Sondheim for a non-musical movie titled "The Seven PerCent Solution" (which may or may not be the correct title: I can't do numbers, so it could have been 10 or 2 just as easily). The film is a Sherlock Holmes mystery which came out in the late 1960's or early '70's It may have starred Michael...oops, tech week mental lapse..."The Cider House Rules" "The Prestige". Anyway, the mystery leads Sherlock to a brothel. The main parlor, upholstered in red, is presided over by a madame who sings that song to entertain her clients. When I saw the film I was startled at how witty the number was, not realizing it had been written by Sondheim.
Ain't trivia fun!

Re: This is very similar to the theory on aging that occured to me, back in '97

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Michael Caine:)

Re: This is very similar to the theory on aging that occured to me, back in '97

[designerotter.livejournal.com]

Thank you !.... the name finally came to me during a class I was teaching around 10:30 this morning. - oy! it may be true what they say about aging brain cells.

Re: This is very similar to the theory on aging that occured to me, back in '97

[designerotter.livejournal.com]

I forgot to say how sweet it was of you, Neil, to bother to read my desultory ramblings. With my head in tech, I tend to comment only on what doesn't require a whole lot of actual thinking.
Hugs !

Re: This is very similar to the theory on aging that occured to me, back in '97

[bearhedded.livejournal.com]

7 % is what google said..I think they wrote it out, though. The lyrics are so clever it had to be Sondheim or Porter...maybe Gershwin (he said, as if he knew!)...

Now that I'm on the long layoff, maybe I'll rent "7% Solution". There's never time during work weeks!

Re: This is very similar to the theory on aging that occured to me, back in '97

[designerotter.livejournal.com]

What a delightful attitude - and a clever twist on Mr Carlin's wit.
Cheers!

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I don't have a problem with age either, though it does take me by surprise when I attend events where I'm reminded of it. Unless I look in a mirror, I usually feel like I'm in my 20s, a mature version of former self:)

I celebrate anniversaries instead of birthdays. For instance, this year was the 28th anniversary of 25! *grin* ... When I was asked how old I was a couple of weeks ago on my birthday, I answered a dyslexic 35:)

I followed your exchange here with Scott (bearhedded with great appreciation! I do believe in the part of the list that suggests way to stay young. Sounds like you're doing most of them:)

[sohipithurts.livejournal.com]

Ooooh! I'm gonna print the ways to stay young and keep it on my desk. And in my car. And at the office. And in my lyric notebook. Thanks!

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

They are great suggestions! I'm already making sure to surround myself with the things I love. Now, to surround myself with a man to love ...LOL!

[blt4success66.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the reminder.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

You're welcome! Carlin has always been one of my favorites too. So many kernals of wisdom in the corn. I plan to adapt most of the list for staying young. The biggest challenges for me will be numbers 2, 6 and 10. Everything else, I already do on a consistent basis.

Like ... Have I told you, an online friend, how much I appreciate and respect who you are even though it's based simply on our LJ exchanges, two phone conversations and what I've gleaned from your writings. You're pretty wonderful, my friend! See ...with those words, I feel younger already:)

Big HUGS!