Emotional Tapestry

[mrdreamjeans]

I'm in a bit of a contemplative mood. Pondering feelings; undecided on answers, interested in opinions. Here's a couple of the concepts which I'm mulling/find amusing and I'd like to know how others feel.

1) Have you ever had a moment of pure joy? If you have an example, please share. I'd like to hear it and read about it.

2) The statement - "You can never love someone too much." I believe this to be true and would add, "or too well". Do you agree or disagree?

3) Do you believe in the concept of having a "best" friend? If you do, tell me what your best friend means to you.

4) Do you believe in love at first sight?

When I have really been in love, I felt an instant, unexplainable connection to the other person that transcended simple desire; the chemistry was immediate. It just felt right from the get-go.

I've never taken things slowly, knowing someone for some time before discovering I was in love. I've heard this described as "dreary, rather like buying a car and not having to make payments on it for a year or two." I have a tendency to agree, but then I'm a hopeful romantic. If I did take things slowly, no matter how honorable my intentions, you can bet I was biding my time till the right person came along:)

Is this romantic hogwash to you or do you believe in love at first sight?

Just wondering.........

Comments

[polardemonwolf.livejournal.com]

1. this is going to sound weird, but behind the wheel of my 1991 MR2 doing 40mph through some very tight s-curves in the mountains near Santa Cruz.
2. I agree. Love should be given freely and without hesistation.
3. I do believe in that. A best friend is someone you talk to, and confide in. Someone you tell your deepest darkest secrets.
4. Yes, I do. I don't know how to explain it, but when there's a connection with someone, you feel it almost instantly.

[ciddyguy.livejournal.com]

The way I look at is it all depends on the person and your interactions with them, but I do agree that at times there is love at first sight, it's infatuation and slowly, as the "rose collored glasses", so to speak wear off, you begin to see the person for who they really are, both good and bad.

I had a brief experience where I was liking a person very much. It was in LA and he was indeed cute, even if a paraplegic. I kept saying I really liked him. He just sat there in his scooter and smiled, letting me gush all over him. That was my first experience with anything even close to love.

I know of best friends, and agree that there is such a thing. I have one who is my most best friend. We are so close that we are more like brother than friends. He's straight and is married and now has a child, well, you know where I stand sexually. ;-) I've known him for over 30 years and we've remained very close all these years. His family is very close to mine so that helps.

I really do believe you can't love too much, but it has a caveat. You can't love to the point of suffication. Loving so much that you are preventing them from growing is indeed too much of a good thing. Loving someone so much means allowing them to be free and to grow, letting go when necessary. I think lowfatmuffin's love for Jon is a very good example, even if Jon decided he isn't attracted to Bob anymore. Bob Loves Jon so much as to make the break himself, even if painful. That is showing one's true love in my estimation.

There sweetie, I hope I helped you in some way with my thoughts.

Be well.

Freedom To Grow

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

"Loving someone..means allowing them to be free and to grow, letting go when necessary." I agree. I learned this lesson with some pain and stumbling, but I've learned it and I'm a better man for having made the journey.

Your best friend is straight and your crush was a cute parapelegic? We're going to have to find you a boyfriend who is at least ambulatory:) Your "most" best friend should be helping you pick a partner! If he's been your friend for 30 years and knows all about you, he should know what you like by now. (gentle teasing:)

Re: Freedom To Grow

[ciddyguy.livejournal.com]

I know you are teasing my dear.

The point was that I know how that feels when you find yourself sparking with someone, even if it only lasted a very brief while.

I met a guy a couple of weeks ago at bear night, he's poz, but in good health otherwise and approx 6 months older than me. he seems nice and everything. It's way too early to tell what may come, if anything of it.

Anyhow, hope you are feeling better and having a more relaxed time than you've had.

[cowboygreg.livejournal.com]

Have you ever had a moment of pure joy?

I've had a few in my day. One that comes to mind was an evening several years ago at Pride, when I held Don in my arms listening to some speaker and suddenly came to the realization I'd fallen in love with him. Another was simply being out at the coast on a balmy spring day and just being completely immersed in the moment. Both are memories to be savored when my mood is bleak.

The statement - "You can never love someone too much." I believe this to be true and would add, "or too well". Do you agree or disagree?

I think people should love as much and as deeply as they are able, provided it doesn't cross the line into co-dependency or posessiveness.

Do you believe in the concept of having a "best" friend?

I used to, but I've come to believe the concept of a single "best friend" is too limiting. Best for what? I think multiple "best friends", with each person cherished for the person they are but the most deeply shared bonds being in different areas for each individual comes closest to what I have in mind.

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Hrm. I'm not entirely sure... I don't believe that "true" love at first sight has ever happened to me personally ("infatuation at first sight", however, happens to me all the damn time... ;), but I'm willing to admit the possibility and to believe it has happened to others.

"Romantic hogwash" is such a harsh phrase. :) We are all of us unique, and what happens to you might not happen to me. Doesn't mean that either of our experiences are invalid or wrong. It just means we're different people.

Best Friends

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

What wonderful thoughtful answers! Thank You! I particularly agree with your concept of "best" friend. I have a small group of friends who I hold equally close in my heart and soul. I would consider each a best friend and, as you suggest, cherished for different reasons, but with no less sincerity and commitment.

What was unexpected is that almost every one of them now knows the other, despite great geographic distance. They all like each other and in some instances have created friendships independent of me which I delight in and think is healthy. My best friends aren't required to like each other, but it's certainly lovely when it happens.

[excessor.livejournal.com]

1) Have you ever had a moment of pure joy? If you havhe an example, please share. I'd like to hear it and read about it.

There are many.

Watching the summer sky in southern Alabama with the entire Milky Way stretched across the heavens, counting 14 shooting stars in the first hour. It was absolutely wondrous.

The first “I love you.” I cry every time. In my life, there have been three (that I believed).

2) The statement - "You can never love someone too much." I believe this to be true and would add, "or too well". Do you agree or disagree?

There's no such thing as too much love. There are, however, misdirected and poorly applied attempts at love. It's at once contextual and universal.

3) Do you believe in the concept of having a "best" friend? If you do, tell me what your best friend means to you.

A best friend is someone whom you trust completely because you have time and experience to help you conclude that the trust is warranted. You can have more than one best friend. I do.

4) Do you believe in love at first sight?

If you don't think that at first sight means a glance across a dance bar, then yes. If you mean by at first sight a first date or a first time together, then yes. I think we're wired to accept this possibility. When I click with someone, the click is often at once emotional, physical, and intellectual.

Sorting through it all later, however, may be a problem.

This doesn't mean that a love that grows isn't possible, too. While love at first sight can happen, I really like the romantic situations that grow into something special. It's pure torture to have to figure out if the other guy is anywhere near the same wavelength, but the enjoyment of it is deeply satisfying.

Pure Moments of Joy

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Paul, I really enjoyed your answers. I hope your trip home from New Orleans went well. I have a couple of memories of moments of pure joy I'd like to share.

When my nephew Buddy was five, my brother and his wife decided to relocate to Alabama for awhile. I was visiting with them just before they left. I told Buddy, "You're Uncle Neil is going to miss you so much." He replied, "Don't worry Uncle Neil. Wherever I am, I still love you!" Pure joy...

Someone very special in my life sent me a card which I still have. It was addressed to "My Beloved". Pure joy.....

I sang the National Anthem in the Astrodome for 45,000 people, dealing with a four-second echo and the greatest fear of my life. My parents and best friend were in attendance. When I completed it and got a huge ovation and saw the tears of pride on the faces of my loved ones....it was a surge of pure joy....

Last year in Seattle, four of my dearest friends flew in to see me. We were down on Elliot Bay, with the sun shimmering on the water, a blue sky above our heads and we were smiling and laughing at everything and at nothing and I remember thinking... I am well and truly loved..... Pure joy.....

LOL! As I read my examples, I see that "pure joy" for me is reflected through memories of unconditional love:)... and I've got this big silly smile on my face.

[tbone1961.livejournal.com]

Certainly have been in lust at first sight. But as far as any kind of chemistry, I think it's there immediately, or not. Which in turn can lead into the whole love thing. Love at first sight? I think so. But it certainly takes time to develop that into something which a relationship can be based on. I had a "date" last weekend, and I could tell very early that it was going no further than perhaps friends.

Best friend? Oh how I wish. I've seen/heard, but I have yet to find anyone I feel so comfortable with to use that term. Then again, this is my own doing, with walls still built around me that prevent anyone from getting too close.

Walls

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I don't know you, but perhaps it's time to pull a "Jericho" and let some of those walls come tumblin' down. My best friend for 20 years was also the first person that I let fully know me. Her name was Dora and we met on a production of "Fiddler on the Roof".

Dora was a yente, a stand-up comic, a pushy mom, self-indulgent bubbe to her grandkids, a policewoman in New York, an artist and entertainer, infuriating, invogorating and loved those around her unconditionally, but not uncritically. I adored her and miss her every day. We had a friendship that no one could explain, especially since I was 37 years younger, but it has been the standard for all of my other close friendships.

Now I would say I have a group of "best" friends, about 8 people who bring me unending joy, but then I'm an open book. I don't have secrets from these people. Lack of secrets will help your walls come down.

You sound like a great guy who is finally letting go of secrets and freeing up your soul. Do the work...You'll find that best friend(s)!

Re: Walls

[tbone1961.livejournal.com]

Thanks for that perspective. I think you have something there. The only question remains...Do I dare?? Do I dare let someone in that close?? I'm glad to hear though it can and does exist.

Re: Walls

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Sure you can! It definitely beats the alternative:) If you've read any of my back posts, you know that I place a lot of emphasis on "family of choice", our friends. It sounds like you are on shifting sands because you have made a decision to live your life in a totally honest and uncompromising way. The glare can be blinding, but I have a feeling you have the strength to deal with the changes. Reach out, be accessible and those friends will come along and enrich your life.

Re: questions, questions, questions

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Sometimes you learn the most from the burnouts and the wind-downs. I've always done best when I led with the brain between my ears and the heart beating in my chest, not with my cellar brain.

I never know how much I will be attracted to someone until I speak with them. I can look across a crowded room and appreciate the external package, but until I hear them speak and look into their eyes, I can't read the chemistry.

As to attraction in general - I don't always know my yesses, but I most certainly know my no's:) The handsomest house with no one at home can stay on the market if I'm doing the viewing; I want my house occupied, ready to be at home with me:)

[bluedevilsf.livejournal.com]

1) I can't single out one particular moment of joy. I find more joy in smaller moments, like one I recounted to bigsabu once. Steve was having a grumpy day when we were out shopping, and I saw his heart melt at the sight of a 3-year-old with his parents in the Cellar at Macy's. He was clearly thirsty and was patiently waiting for a glass of water from his mother; she let him carry it to a table, and the look of pride he had, being a big boy with a glass of water, completely changed the mood of our day.

2) It's hard to answer this definitively. If both parties feel mutual love for each other, then no. The problem starts when there is an inequity there. Then loving too much can manifest itself in several negative ways.

3) I used to. I don't anymore. I believe in the concept of having close friends, but "best" is a loaded word. Also, "best" doesn't necessarily mean "forever." I learned that lesson during my time in SF.

4) No, and believe it or not, I never did. And I have never experienced it. I learned pretty early on that there is definitely such a thing as "lust at first sight." It's those lucky few who manage to get something lasting from it.

Joy, etc...

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I found myself smiling at your example of joy in small moments. We often lose touch of such examples of grace. I still believe that it is never possible to love too much, but you do have to love wisely and well.

We've all had to let go of loves or friendships when the other person became toxic.

No - best does not mean forever. I learned that this year in Seattle.

Lust at first sight is more commonplace than love at first sight. I agree. However, I have experienced a depth of feeling for three special people in my life that transcended simple sexual attraction, a moment of clarity that in an instant even the unspoken and unknown would be just as I could dream it. It doesn't mean that the love would be forever, but for that moment there were endless possibilities beyond sex.

[mncuddlecub.livejournal.com]

1) Not too long ago after I'd "officially" started seeing Kevin (keep in mind this was my very first hug, kiss, relationship, etc.), it was a long distance relationship, and I was flying out to see him. I remember getting off the plane having to go to the bathroom SO bad that was the first place I went. This was only a few days after 9-11 so people weren't allowed in the terminals. Well Kevin saw all the other people of my plane come out the doors, but not me, and he was pacing back and forth... so big, furry, cute, and adorable :o) Then we got in his truck and there was instant cuddling, and I even fell asleep in his arms on the way back to his place I was in such a state of comfort and bliss.

2) I suppose it depends on the person and the situation. I mean look at me and Kevin. I just mentioned how happy I was with him, and now, it's not the same. It also depends on your definition of the word "love". I answered assuming you meant the romantic kind of "love", but I try to love everyone, and in that case I'd completely agree that you can't love a person too much or too well."

3) I do believe in the concept of having a best friend. I have one, Tony. He's a great guy who means the world to me. I think alot of the rules of a romance apply with "best" friends, where it should be a kind of mutual agreement between the two party's, and stuff like that, BUT it doesn't have to be a romantic relationship. It isn't between me and Tony anyway.

4) Nope.