Debt Diet

[mrdreamjeans]

I was watching Oprah yesterday where Money Magazine editor Jean Chatzky was talking to a couple about their spending habits. In response, I am reflecting back to the state of my well-being during the times I was debt-free and then the times, like now, where I have financial challenges. What is different?

At all times, I have good instincts about savings and investments; I’m saavy, have a good understanding of products ... of what works and what to avoid; I research, read, plan. I’m in good shape for retirement, but not for the short term. This month I am weathering a financial crisis. What I am asking myself is how much this is a statement of my current emotional well-being. How much of it is the circumstances I am in with family and career? What does my spending ... my attraction to “economic therapy” say about me? I’m taking a good hard look, breaking down necessary expenditures versus discretionary and then being honest with myself as to how much of my spending right now is simply trying to make myself feel better. I need to be on a debt diet.

Ms. Chatzky said that people who are out of control in their spending are trying to fill a void. When we overspend, we are,”trying to make up for the difference between who we are and who we want to be.” I suppose it’s another way of saying that Americans and their desire to keep up with the Joneses is spiraling out of control. I know at a core level that I can’t buy happiness. I like being generous with my friends and family, but the reality is, those who are tried and true don’t expect things from me. They love me, not the gifts. Bottom line ... with any spending decision ... her advice is to ask the question, “Can I afford this”? If not, then wait. My entire summer is my own version of "Wait Watchers" ... waiting for Dad to recover ... watching for just the right job ... waiting to get my financial house in order so that I can purchase the real deal ... a new home. Fortunately, I am dieting and exercising again. I’ll just add debt diet, exercising restraint with money, to the battle with food and weight. If I buy fewer groceries, then the diet works both ways ... right?

In closing, I found this poem titled, “The Beauty of Friendship”. For me, this is what is going right this summer ....

The Beauty of Friendship

The beauty of friendship is like the beauty of flowers....
there are many kinds,
and yet each has a unique beauty to offer...

There are friends who share our paths during certain stages of our lives,
while others stay close to us year after year...

Some are vibrant, admired for their strength
while others are delicate whispers of color
whose gentleness has a special place in our hearts...

I’m grateful for the color, beauty and joy
your friendship adds to my life.

Comments

[naylandblake.livejournal.com]

I don't know if you're aware of this book: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0553382020/sr=8-1/qid=1152730972/ref=sr_1_1/102-7076483-1110519?ie=UTF8

It was a great help to me in looking at my relationship to spending, shopping and money. It may be helpful for you.

One think that I found initially challenging but immensely useful was the idea of a spending plan, as opposed to a budget or debt diet as your calling it here. It was far harder for me to spend conciously than it was for me to restrict my spending. I always wanted to impulse buy, which even when I have the money to do so is indicative of that desire to answer an emotional need with an action that may not be appropriate.

Like you I'm facing some money challenges right now, so I hope you can come through yours in good shape.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the reference. I will check it out. I know that I get a brief positive effect from shopping, but I've really got to sit down and look at what is behind each purchase ... especially those that dont fulfill basic needs.

We will get through these financial challenges! We just need to do the work, never losing sight of our desire to create art ... whether it be on canvas or on the stage. HUGS!

[truthfeather.livejournal.com]

A thought provoking read is "Your Money or your Life" by Vicki Robin and Joe Dominguez. which is about creating financial independence. There is also a website which you might find in line with your values: http://www.newroadmap.org/default.asp

Peace to you

Matthew

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I'll check out the website. I am knowlegable about what I should be doing. Under the circumstances of my family life right now, I'm most concerned that I'm not making the best choices for the short term, because I'm on shifting ground. I believe in reading and research, so thanks for the suggestions. HUGS!

Delicate whispers of a Hallmark's calling

[tkn1114.livejournal.com]

Well, this poem is a sign to look into a stint with Hallmark? [ducks] :0)

"Americans and their desire to keep up with the Jones is spiraling out of control" - Ok, may be there's a lot of truth in that, but over-therapy which is the hallmark of "American Oprahness" (and I should be handed the Pulitzer just for coining THAT phrase - Damn them!) is not the way to cure that ill which, incidentally, is not exclusively American but only characteristically so. I wish they'd stop with the guilt trips already! First, Dr. Phil, now this woman. Oprah needs to let them self-absorbed rappers on, YO!

Are you by any chance feeling a little guilt about the trip and FUN in MN? That trip HAD to do you a world of good even if it may now remind you of the isolation of Brenham?

Personally, I recognize that discipline is required to get you places and goals but, along the way, the "band-aid" comfort of a delectable cashmere sweater gotten @ a triumphant $50.00 or the splurge of a much needed vacation can't principally be responsible for any "final detriment" - should there destined to be any, that is?

I may well be *way* off, but I'm reading "guilt" in this post. Sorry if I am. Hug.

More Hallmark poesie, pleaaaaase! :0)

Re: Delicate whispers of a Hallmark's calling

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I won't apologize ever for being sentimental. my friend:) I don't feel guilt over the trip to the Twin Cities. In fact, I am very happy that I took it. I've built up a nice reservoir of patience and goodwill from having been around the people I stayed and visited with. It's made it possible for me to be on even keel since I returned.

My vacation was done on a budget. I spent less money while gone than if I had been at home. Of course, this was in large part because of the largesse of my Minnesota friends. I only hope I will someday be given the opportunity to show them the same delightful hospitality.

You're not often off mark ... more often on target ... but in this case, guilt isn't what I'm feeling. I'm just trying to control the things that I can during this roller-coaster period. HUGS!

my apologies

[tkn1114.livejournal.com]

Ok, then I'm wrong. But I'm glad :0) Just don't sweat too much. Worry clouds clarity. Everything will work out. Just keep plugging at it. I also understand your vocalizing it, though, even if sometimes I forget. HUG.

Re: my apologies

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Writing about this stuff does bring me clarity ... so do suggestions from my friends ... I will regain my optimism ... I can feel it bubbling up despite the challenges:)

[tbone1961.livejournal.com]

second time i try to post my comment...

terrific poem my friend.

and on the financial front, I can relate. Most of my spending involves the kids it seems. The ex and I have continued, as best as possible, to keep their activities going. And they haven't missed out on anything. But it certainly becomes a balancing act. Letting them know that they can still have stuff, so to speak, aside from the divorce. But obviously there comes a time to say no.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I can imagine that the balancing act is tough. There was a lot of talk on the program about families ... when parents don't deny their children anything and the debt accumulates; the experts suggested they are actually practicing a form of neglect. Kids need to know that things cost and that their are consequences when you don't live within your means ... whether it's concerning spending or in other areas. Many parents, divorced or still married, try to buy their kids love instead of taking the risk of instilling values. Sounds like you and your ex are hitting the middle ground. Hope you are doing well. Big Hugs!

[mikeybill.livejournal.com]

Trying to fill gaps in our lives with material things seems a standard human response, even when, if we stop and think about it, we know this won't really work. Money management - I am not the one to talk about that at the moment alas.

And friends, yes friends matter so much.

Waiting - I hope this period doesn't feel empty for you, I hope the waiting is fruitful in its own way.
Hugs

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

There is so much I can't control in my living situation right now ... particularly with my Dad getting well. But I can instill discipline in myself. I can make better choices in eating, exercise and spending than I have been. I can instill organization in the household, get Dad on a schedule of rehab, that will allow me to feel peace this summer. Some time in the past three days, I've relaxed and finally understood, that I can fight the circumstances of my existence ... or just accept that I'm meant to be here in Texas this summer ... that it isn't a bad thing. I just need to keep singing, learning, networking and loving ... Good will come my way ...

[rossbear.livejournal.com]

You are sounding so sensible Mr. Badders. Not at all like a thespian! Now you just have to "act" on it.

The poem is beautiful so you. If there was ever a man who reminded his friends of their importance it is you.

Hugs.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

WOW! A comment from you, dear friend!!! YAY! You must have completely run out of other things to do to be on LJ:) I know we will speak on the phone soon, but I'll ask here if the renovation has begun and if you liked your birthday present.

I hope the sense of calm, patience and acceptance I've felt the past three days continues. It sure beats hitting my head against the wall:) Love you!

OMG

[tkn1114.livejournal.com]

You're back! yah!

[perkk.livejournal.com]

The poem reminds me of the Sunflower Poem cum Epitaph from Calendar Girls (2003).

I know I can fret too easily about financial issues (I got this from my mother). I like to lead my life in a way such that I don't worry much about money. This means I tend to be rather conservative with my personal finances, which helped a lot when it took a while for my other house to sell. I'm just glad it didn't come down to The Joys of Raman Noodle Surprise.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I thought you exhibited uncommon patience and grace while waiting for the St Paul house to sell. That's out of the way now and you are well on your way to making the new house a home. We just spoke on the phone, but I'm still going to thank you publicly for being such a welcoming host in the midst of all of that move-in madness! Greetings to the busy household! Big HUGS!

LOL! When the budget's tight, do what I do ... turn to pasta to make the grocery money go further ...:)

[perkk.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

the joy of ramen noodle surprise

[tkn1114.livejournal.com]

Don't go there, Perkkie, or I'll hang you out to dry - not while you still own that mansion in Garrison Kellor country

Btw, I just wanna f*** you when I see that icon. Were you lounging on a yatch in Monaco at the time, darling? It's such a perfect pose in which to talk about money worry - LOL!

[perkk.livejournal.com]

I think its more fair to say that I own a mortgage. I'm working on the other part.

Actually, that picture was taken by ohm_gnomic while I was resting in the hammock at the home of cajuncountry.

How about this icon? Does it elicit a similar reaction? It was taken by twincitiesbear while we were on a boat in a canal of Amsterdam.

pinching perkky cheeks :-)

[tkn1114.livejournal.com]

Always remember I'm elbowing you in a tongue-n-cheek kinda way - yeah, pun away, sailor. Cuz, well, you're way too adorable to do otherwise :0)
But if we should get a little serious for a nanoo second on this topic, I'll share this much: It's safe to assume you have a good job in order to afford the mortgage? And even if you should miss one of your well-deserved transatlantic expeditions, dire financial hardship is still far from knocking on your door? Admittedly, none of this should negate any rational concern within your own context. But it is far from the immediate and *very scary* uncertainty of sudden death when one does'nt know when, from where and how much one will actually have to carry through another month, never mind the psychological and eventually physical stress brought on by the imagination of the consequences of sudden death. I did'nt *truly* appreciate any of this until I went back to school at the beginning of this year for reasons too lengthy to go into here. But I *chose* my situation which is temporary. There are people who don't even have the luxury of that choice.

Now, may I pinch the perkky cheeks of Perkk? Cuz that Frances Farmer pose begs it! :0) HUG

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

*knock knock* Howdy guys! it's mrdreamjeans, on his journal:) Let me formally introduce you ... John, Thanh ... Thanh, John:)

Just so you know, John ... Thanh occasionally hijacks my journal to flirt and inform. Hugs to you both!