Spider Spit

[mrdreamjeans]

My computer desk faces North. I’m looking out the window at pastures greening from the recent rain and a few mama cows with calves at their sides. Closer to me, I often watch furry black spiders with a white dot in the center of their mass crawl along the window. Just moments ago, I saw one of these familiar creatures do the unexpected. The spider spit out its prey. A small fly flew out of the spider’s mouth, dangled from a thread about a foot from its predator, shook free from the web thread, abandoned its damaged wings and crawled to safety. Yes, a survivor. There’s a lesson there ... Seconds ago, a jack rabbit with long, straight ears galloped past my window. Hopping doesn’t accurately describe its gait, perhaps cantering will do.

I’m trying to look at things more closely these days. To my annoyance, the place where I get gas, Murphy USA on Wal-Mart property, doesn’t monitor its employees very closely. Twice now, I’ve arrived at the pumps with the woman who is supposedly working, standing outside the booth smoking a cigarette about 20 feet from folks busy pumping gas. This is a danger ... not only for our safety, but the security of the booth is compromised. How do people get to keep these jobs? Speaking of Wal-Mart ... Is there any company anywhere with less motivated, less trained, less caring employees? I have never been in one of their stores where an employee asked me first if I needed assistance ... nor have I ever had a Wal-Mart Associate who knew their merchandise or protocol! I would certainly appreciate having a Target or Costco closer than 50 miles away.

Today is my niece’s graduation from Texas A&M University. In age, she’s the third of my folks’ grandchildren, but the first to graduate from college. Her brother is handicapped and her cousin is wandering his way through school, taking five years to graduate, albeit with a double major. Cait’s finished school in four years, achieving this increasingly difficult time-line by attending summer classes every year. Texas A&M awards each student who finishes in four years with a $1000 bonus. Go Cait!

We’ll be filling the stands today; both sets of grandparents, my sister Colleen and her husband Wayne, my brother Jeff and his wife Lisa and their twin sons and me .. all of us cheering Caitlin as she crosses the stage! Thanks goodness for my 12X zoom:) Cait’s graduation comes exactly 30 years after I finished at A&M! That doesn’t seem possible ... or feel possible ... unless I look in the mirror.

Finally, I’m reading the latest book in a delightful series by Alexander McCall Smith. “Blue Shoes and Happiness” chronicles the adventures of private investigator Precious Ramotswe who owns The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency in Botswana. Ms. Ramotswe is full of wisdom and thoughtful advice. In the story, there is a 14-year old boy who writes in for advice from a newspaper columnist. He’s very eager to please, does all of his homework, is well-behaved, pays attention in class, smiles at the teacher and doesn’t trouble the girls. The teacher can’t stand him . The more he aims to please, the more the teacher dislikes him.

Mma Ramotswe’s conclusion? “... “It is better ... to be a little bit bad in this life, and not too perfect. If you were too perfect, then you invited exactly this sort of reaction, even if teachers should be above that sort of thing.” The newspaper columnist is much harsher in her assessment... “You should not say that you are not like other boys, or people will think that you are a girl.” This bit of story captured my attention in that head-tilting-how-do-I -feel- about this way. Is it better to be a little bit bad in this life? I was one of those eager-to-please little boys and I’m an achiever as an adult. Is there truth to this statement or is it all just spider spit?

Comments

[bjarvis.livejournal.com]

Is it better to be a little bit bad in this life?

I say, aim for perfection and damn anyone who says otherwise. Just keep in mind that both the definition of perfection and the measure by which one achieves it should be set by oneself, not dictated by others... after all, whose life is it anyway?

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I think those are very wise words! I always aspire to do my best.

[guiser1.livejournal.com]

in my world, being a little bit bad is being a little bit human.

i say choose ice cream. choose the martini. choose the discreet puff.

'Twere there to be a God, I can only honestly assume her fervent wish was that we were as human as we could possibly be. And that means just a little bad...

Amen.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Now I have to explain why I've been fervently "human" for long stretches of time:)

Nietzsche on the Half Shell

[abearius.livejournal.com]

I dated a woman who came from a "good" family. The short version of the story is that she was an obnoxious, intolerant boor who expected to be treated like a goddess because she "always did the right thing," at least in her own mind. I could do no right because mine was one of the "bad" families, one ruined by the ravages of unemployment, depression, and divorce.

Being "good" and expecting rewards for it makes some pretty heady assumptions about the nature of matter and the organizing principles of the universe. In my view, it is better to be an angel with an electric guitar than a demon with a harp. :-)

Does jack rabbit still count as "fast food" in Texas?

Re: Nietzsche on the Half Shell

[bruinwi.livejournal.com]

"In my view, it is better to be an angel with an electric guitar than a demon with a harp."

Well put!

A variation of this is, "Which would you rather have: A creature of evil that does good, or a creature of good that does evil?"

Re: Nietzsche on the Half Shell

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I'll take "creature of evil who does good", Alex, for $200:) Less jeopardy .... *grin*

There's too much evil being done by "do-gooders" as it is, particularly of the religious persuasion ...

Hugs, my friend!

Re: Nietzsche on the Half Shell

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

That's a good thing to know about you ... You're an angel with an electric guitar:) How about demon on the drum?

Fast food= Road Kill?

HUGS!

O, my "good" bear!

[tkn1114.livejournal.com]

"Being "good" and expected rewards for it makes some pretty heady assumptions... blah blah blah..." - YOU SHOULD KNOW!

"In my view, it is better to be an angel with an electric guitar than a demon with the harp" - Then quit the cheesy Elvis metaphor and love me like you should!

And no, jack rabbit is not fast-food in TX. It is fast-food in France!

[bruinwi.livejournal.com]

There's a difference between being good, and letting everyone know just how Perfect you are.

For example: Most people appreciate good manners; they do NOT appreciate being reminded if they make a minor faux pas (Unless it's done very diplomatically and for a greater good "Psst...your fly is open").

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Great point! I should work on that, especially with my Dad. I get so annoyed with him because he gets so many things wrong these days, that I'm less than generous in helping him get it right. I make sure he knows ... and knows ... that I'm right. Not nice ... Gotta work on that ...

[scottokc.livejournal.com]

I am slightly disabled, and when I go to Wal Mart, the clerks are usually very helpful. They make sure that I get an electric cart, which comes in handy. If there is something out of reach, they will get it for me.

I heard a phrase recently that I liked. "When I'm good, I'm very good; but when I'm bad, I'm better."

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I think the phrase is borrowed from Mae West ... I am glad that the folks who work for Wal-Mart in your neighborhood are helpful. I would wish that for customers of this behemoth everywhere. It's not the case in any of their stores in which I've shopped. I find Target and Costco vastly superior in terms of how they operate, how they treat their customers ... and very key ... how they treat their employees. Being treated well ... and paid a decent wage ... created loyalty and motivation to do a good job. I feel that I can criticize since I own Wal-Mart stock and make my opinion know when it comes to vote on issues.

[scottokc.livejournal.com]

Not all Wal Marts are as helpful. The nearest Target is poorly laid out and not very helpful. We don't have Costco here. I'm not sure why not. Most employers treat their employees badly these days.

Jack rabbits, indeed!

[cimarrondfw.livejournal.com]

I saw so many of those critters as a boy on the farm. I didn't understand until years later the difference between hares and rabbits and could not imagine that a jack rabbit was not a true rabbit. On the other hand, I started this response to comment on your question of describing their gait as a gallop. I like the Texas word "lope." It's funny how their long ears held erect as they maneuver make them look so lopsided. It's impossible not to think that it's going to lose its balance and fall over. No wonder they were so easy for the cruel thrill seeker to shoot them in spotlights.

Re: Jack rabbits, indeed!

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Lope is perfect ... I was searching for an appropriate word ... You gave it to me. Thanks!

I've been seeing a lot of jack rabbits, skunks, and a bobcat or two as roadkill in our area. Surprisingly, I'm not seeing many of the roadkill champions ... armadillos.

You asked about my theatre work ... If you have interest ... between October 3, 2004 and February 12, 2006, my journal's purpose was to chronicle the National Tour of "Evita" for which I was a performer. It's how I got to meet in person so many of the wonderful folks I now know on Live Journal. I invite you to check out the posts and ask away .... HUGS!

Re: Jack rabbits, indeed!

[cimarrondfw.livejournal.com]

I think I now know how to go back easily to read said chronicle from the beginning. I skimmed backwards earlier this afternoon enough to find out interesting tidbits like your meeting someone whose family actually knew the Perons and that your show had been in San Antonio in December when we were there! Too bad we didn't already know one another then. We had taken a house guest from Sydney, Australia down to see part of early Texas Spanish history.

Re: Jack rabbits, indeed!

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

During our run in San Antonio, my sister and niece came to see the show and stayed with me. It was the only time I had family see the show ... this time around ... I've done 9 productions of Evita ... five of them tours:) You'd like bearchitect. He's my friend who's uncle knew the Perons. He's from Peru. Your fluency in Spanish would find an audience there. Thanks for reading!

Re: Jack rabbits, indeed!

[cimarrondfw.livejournal.com]

I hope you are finding the comments (I think I've done about four) scattered through your journal entries in October/November 2004.

Re: Jack rabbits, indeed!

[cimarrondfw.livejournal.com]

I've sent a short comment in Spanish to bearchitect. He sounds nice and is obviously a good friend of yours. It's fascinating how many of your LJ friends you've managed to meet in person. I don't know how to send it more privately so here is my e-mail address: jmh76133@yahoo.com.

perfit

[tkn1114.livejournal.com]

Perfect is for the insecure, and do eager-to-please little boys grow up to give good blow-jobs? If not, they're useless :0)

I recently read on here an account of a (once) eager-to-please little boy who one day broke his "perfect" streak by not turning in his spelling bee homework - or something like that. He then ended up catching the wrath, disappointment AND contempt of his teacher who up to that point considered him her pet student. This set off a chain of other people's recollections of their own revolt, well, sort of, in a safe whitebread kind of way :0) It was... interesting.

I never knew what all this means growing up. I always cut school, got on the wrong side of the teachers, puffed occasional pot smoke in their faces, and never-ever friend-talked with cops. When I got to Italy, I heard this song that kinda explains the whole thing and remains one of my favorites. Goes like this:

"Voglio una vita spericolata / Want a devil-may-care reckless life
Voglio una vita come quelle nei film / Want a 'like in the movies' kinda life
Voglio una vita esagerata / Want a far-fetched, exaggerated life
Voglio una vita come Steve McQueen / Like a Steve McQueen kinda life
Voglio una vita che non e mai tardi / Want a life that's never too late
Di quelle che non dormi mai / Like those in which you never sleep
Voglio una vita la voglio pieno di guai / Want a life that's full of trouble
Voglio una vita che se ne frega / Want a life that don't give a shit
Che se ne frega di tutto, si! / That don't give a shit about nothing, yeah!
E poi ci troveremo come le stars / Then we'll find each other like stars
A bere del whisky al Roxy Bar / Guzzling whisky at the Roxy Bar

So, is that good or bad? Not that I can help it :0)

Not that you can help it:)

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I always cut school, got on the wrong side of the teachers, puffed occasional pot smoke in their faces, and never-ever friend-talked with cops.

We are very different people, my friend ... It wouldn't have occurred to me to do any of that ... not out of any desire to please any of those people, but because none of that interested me. No one in my family ever graduated from college until I managed to do so 30 years ago this weekend. I was happy to be the first. During those years, I firmly had a goal, a vision ...

It was after that, that I blew the lid off ... and cut loose for decades:)

[trulygrateful.livejournal.com]

There are many ways to respond, and my A.A.A.D.D. is kicking in, so I need to think quickly here.

The spider spit, to me, is a metaphor for life releasing us from the bonds of the "bad" things (whatever anyone wants to call it - absolution, pennance, forgiveness, karma, etc.). Whenever we find ourselves in a sticky situation (no pun intended) things have a way of working themselves out, thus allowing us to move in and forward... to another one of life's spider webs per se.

With this question "It is better... to be a little bit bad in this life, and not too perfect." -- I believe we're all inherently bad to some degree, but remember that the term "bad" and "good" are both subjective (one person's good may be another's fair, and yet a third person's bad). I dislike putting those value judgments on things, but given the parameters offered here, I'll work with it.

Anyway, as I was starting to say, I believe we're all born, to some degree, inherently good and bad. There must be some innate sense of right and wrong, yet, as humans, there is a compelling need to conform to society's values, to our relative's values, etc. Is this a bad thing? No.

Can it be a spider web? You betcha!

(Now you see why I say there's many ways I can go here.)

Perhaps by being 'bad' it allows one to see outside these values and free themself from this proverbial web.

Just one thought, among many.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Many questions come to mind from your eloquent response? Not aimed at anyone, but generally ... Why should anyone's goal for perfection (or if they approach this state) be characterized as negative? Why should the "bad boys" of the world be the ones that everyone desires? Can't a man be loyal, kind, loving, responsible and trustworthy and still hot and sexy? What's wrong with having a surfeit of addictions? Or a dedication to family? Why can't people be eager to please and be appreciated for it? It seems to me that the negative responses come from the insecurites of those who criticize.

Why

[tkn1114.livejournal.com]

"Why should the bad boys... be the ones everyone desires?" - Cuz they fun in bed? :0)
"Can't a man be loyal, kind, loving, responsible & trustworthy and still hot n' sexy?" - Of course, but ONLY if he's FUN in BED!!! LOL!!!
These open-season target practice on Neil's little wonders sure make your public love you, huni! :0)
Mira, goal for perfection is not a bad thing, but if it morphs into OB-session which it usually does, THEN it becomes a bad thing because it drives everybody crazy, and the often unintentionally selfish person who's doing it does'nt even realize it. Was it Freud who said that "the need" for perfection often reflects one's longing for recognition and acceptance - from whomever one longs it from? Therefore, when one reaches for perfection, one often takes more than gives. I should know. That's why I quit... I think... :0)

[bearfuz.livejournal.com]

There is a difference between "being good" (which I interpret as "doing your best") and having (and therefore conveying) a sense of entitlement for having been so "good." Often the underachievers and the envious are not good at discerning the difference, but there is one. One way to avoid appearing to have a "sense of entitlement" is to learn not only the language of perfection but also the language of the humans. For example (and as a metaphor), speak with correct grammar when you must, but learn slang as well and know when to use it.

This is part of my philosophy of "getting along with others"... there's more, but that's a big part of it.