Color Me Unsettled!

[mrdreamjeans]

 I've been very frustrated the past few days. I get that way when matters go off the rails. I so want to control the outcomes, but I can't and I find it unsettling. My sister Colleen is on a cruise to Alaska this week. While she is gone, my niece is the go to person for my nephew and caregivers' needs. Cait is married with a 3 and an almost 5 year old at home. She works full time as a SPED coordinator for the local school district. She is exceedingly efficient at her job. She is also taking care of Colleen's puppy Eme while Sis is gone. I wrote about Colleen's fall down the escalator. We've only heard from her once since she boarded the ship (as expected). 

Since Sis has been gone, the following events have occurred:

1. Three out of four of Ross's caregivers have tested positive for Covid-19; 
2. Ross has tested positive for Covid. Ross is fully vaccinated; but the caregivers are not. 
3. When Colleen arrives back in Austin from Seattle, my niece is arranging for a Lyft to pick her up at the airport and take her straight to a hotel. Sis is fully vaccinated and tested negative twice for the virus prior to leaving Austin on the 10th. Out of the bubble of people involved, Sis is at most risk because of her health history. 
4. Incidentally, Cait is sick with a cold one of her sons brought home from daycare. It frustrates me I'm so far away and can't relieve some of the stress on my niece.

I have viewed about a dozen properties in the past 10 days. I am fully aware I am in the best 62+ community I can be, but after 28 months in this space, I am hyperaware of needing larger closets and at least one more room. I can't afford our 1 bedroom dens or two bedroom apartments. I already pay $2000+/month for my one bedroom apartment. I want more space than I have! The inventory in my price range for townhouses, condos or single family homes is very low. Nothing I've looked at has been nice. I am frustrated. I make too much in retirement income to qualify for what they call "affordable senior housing", but not enough to afford the kind of high quality housing I expect for myself. I no longer want to be near downtown anywhere ... It's clear to me, I've become a suburban or small town kind of guy. It's always been such a yo-yo subject for me. I desire QUIET much more than excitement these days.

Via email, my brother told me he can't talk to me on the phone right now because my politics are so different from his. We haven't spoken on the phone since last Christmas and there is no animosity on my end. My sister says that no one in my family understands how I could have voted for Biden. I can't understand how they voted for tRUMP ... twice! Jeff and I have never argued about politics, so how does he know what I think or feel? I think his freezing me out is very hurtful. I've reached out to my brother several times. Jeff is the executor of my estate. Can I trust him to follow my wishes? I never doubted before this year.

I've cancelled my trips to Colorado and Orlando this month and next. I'm wondering if I'll be able to make my annual road trip to Texas. It will be my first trip with Bella since I brought her home from Colorado six months ago yesterday. She is the one bright spot in my life right now. Color me unsettled!

Comments

[disneydream06]

Housing like so many things in this country is so screwed up. :(

I am really sorry that your brother/family has taken such a stand just because of politics/ideologies. :o
Not sure if that's the correct word.

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to the situation at your sister's place. :o
HUGS, Jon

[mrdreamjeans]

Just this week, Jeff and I took steps to connect beyond politics ... The situation at Colleen's has not improved. One caregiver is still sick with Covid and one quit altogether. I hope Sis can find someone who can handle the schedule and work quickly. Wanna move to Texas?

[disneydream06]

Texas? :o :o :o

[mrdreamjeans]

To be one of Ross's caregivers. You'd be terrific with your temperament and experience. It's only 400 hours a month over 16 days of work. :)

[disneydream06]

But Texas?
LOL......................

With the vacation days I am taking this month, I think I am only working 13 nights. LOL!!!!!!!!!

[apparentparadox]

I don't think your brother's politics are so different as his VALUES are so different. From my perspective, anyone who votes Republican falls into one of the following categories:

• They actively don't want LGBT folks to have the same rights as others


• They do want LGBT folks to have the same rights, so they are doing things to visibly support organizations that promote that, as well as writing letters to Republican leadership encouraging them to change the party lines.


• They think that it's acceptable for LGBT folks to not have the same rights as others.

Note that the last group of people may claim that they believe that LGBT folks should have the same rights, but that's what "acceptable" means: they are willing to accept that the Republican party is working against those rights. Ask any of them why they don't vote Democrat, and they'll give you an answer like "they don't want higher taxes" or whatever. OK, they value their lower taxes more than treating LGBT people fairly. Why can't they accept higher taxes instead of accepting treating LGBT people as lesser?

It's not just whether you trust your brother to follow your wishes with respect to your estate. It's also how much your brother will understand your wishes if the two of you aren't in contact in general. If there is any discretionary areas in your will, maybe your priorities will have changed from the last time the two of you were in contact, and he wouldn't know that. I removed my sister from being the executor for that reason: since she isn't a part of my life anymore, she only knows what was important to me back when we used to talk, not how my priorities have changed.

[mellowtigger]

With low confidence, I do have an idea about the left-vs-right USA phenomenon.

I think it comes down to a level of hypocrisy and the resulting psychological dissonance of their own beliefs. Much more than the left, the political right seems to hold mutually incompatible ideas. Which one of their ideas they'll favor on any particular day seems up to the whims of chance. Recognizing their own inconsistency, they get dangerously defensive when the left pokes them at those sore points.
pro-life <-> more guns
individual liberty <-> regulate vaginas
low taxes <-> more deficit spending
free market <-> trust the monopolies and their CEOs
don't tread on me <-> sodomy laws
family values <-> protect marriage; expunge the gays
small government <-> more big military

That's my working theory, at least. Cognitive dissonance makes them unpredictable. Unpredictability presumes eventual hazard to themselves and others.

[mrdreamjeans]

All excellent, well-reasoned points!

[mrdreamjeans]

I can only tell you my brother has never treated me as lesser because I was gay. He is a businessman with a company that relies on sales to the oil and gas industry. His second home in Del Rio, TX puts him squarely in the middle of the immigration controversy.

Your final sentence is impactful. I'm deciding what to do. Thanks.

[billeyler]

This is indeed a quandry, considering we all know how close you are to your family. Hugs through this.

[mrdreamjeans]

Since I wrote this, my brother celebrated his birthday. I called him on the day and sang Happy Birthday to him. We did not discuss politics and had a healing chat of about 30 minutes length. It did a lot to ease my concern over a rift.