Do Whims Have Expiration Dates?

[mrdreamjeans]

Following a series of health crises from the end of 2011 to 2014, I survived the loss of friendships, endured a debilitating depression and struggled with finances. I constantly focused on dying which until then had seemed a long way off. My illnesses brought into focus a consideration of death sooner than I expected; What would happen to my estate such as it was? Who would I ask to take care of financial and medical decisions for me? Who would step up to take care of me if I needed help? Procrastination was out of the question. I had to make decisions. I wasn’t, and am not, going to leave loved ones with a huge mess. I’ve witnessed the consequences of avoiding the topic until its too late.
 

I’ve a Last Will and Testament in place, created a trust, made my specific wishes known in documents; designated powers of attorney, beneficiaries and inheritants. As there is no spouse or children, I’ve declared how valuable works of art, family heirlooms and antiques in my possession are to be distributed upon my death. I’ve done everything I know to do to not inconvenience my loved ones. I have created a detailed “When I’m Gone" Book for my brother and sister.

 After surviving more than a year of the Covid pandemic, it’s occurred to me I haven’t given a lot of thought and attention to what it means to be living. Exactly what do I want to accomplish with the time I have left? Just who do I want to spend time with as I age past my mid-60’s? I refuse to be invisble; I refuse to settle; I refuse to stop setting goals.

 I live in a 62+ community in Minneapolis, MN. Sifting through the rancid dust of 2020, I feel like a move away from a noisy, volatile urban setting is in my future. I love my neighbors and the comforts of my current building, but a reality I didn’t count on has changed my perspective. I am healthier now than at any point in years ... I don’t want to think about death. I want to think about living instead. What can I dream into being?

 I am considering a move away from Minnesota to be near my long time besties, looking to enjoy a more moderate climate, seeking a more affordable, tax friendly area of the country for retirees. The possibiity of having a house again with a fenced-in yard, room for guests, space for a companion for Bella and still being able to cut living expenses in half, is really appealing right now. I’ve done enough research to know this is possible. So, I’m planning ... and planning ... Plus, I really want to be able to spend a lot of time traveling overseas.

 I’m not going to dash away from Minnesota soon. There are a lot of good, kind, caring people in my life here. What I hope to do will take some time to put in place. My truth is ... a decade in Minnesota will come to an end, hopefully before I do. I feel big change coming on. I moved to Minnesota on a whim. Here’s an odd thought. Who knew whims have an expiration date?

 So, a statement and question to all who read this ... Death is inevitable. What does “living” mean to you?

Comments

[westwind_mv]

Does "living" actually have a meaning? Ask 10 people and I suspect you'll get 20 answers.

If you're happy with the meaning you, personally, impute to living, then it seems to me that's sufficient.

[mrdreamjeans]

Thanks for commenting. As I age, I think so much about what I want from this final chapter, I realize I spend more time thinking about and being around death, that I neglect the positive ... what can I do to enjoy living more.

[apparentparadox]

Be sure when you look at "tax friendly", you also consider what you are giving up in a community to get lower taxes. Emergency services, road maintenance, senior/at-risk population services, libraries, schooling and many more things are paid for with taxes. Some of these things can be considered like insurance: if you don't get sick, you don't really need health insurance, but saving money in the short term might be a bad gamble if you end up guessing wrong. Some of the things paid for by taxes change the feel of a community in a hard-to-quantify manner.

My current town regularly does a bond measure (so, more taxes to me) to help fund extra programs at the schools. I don't have children, so won't benefit directly from any of that money, but I feel that my life really is better if there are better educated, more well rounded people around, and that investing in better schools will pay off in the long term. Similar arguments can be given for many of the things that taxes go towards.

Only you can decide whether the trade-off in less money to either of those kind of things ("insurance" things or "quality of community" things) is worth it for you. Unfortunately, you can't selectively choose which ones you agree with and which you don't, so you've got to take some bad with the good.

Mark & I are also going through the process of deciding if our current area is right for us long term, or if it's time to consider moving. Our main issue with the current area is the persistent drought -- which is really the new normal. We feel the lack of water over most of the west (combined with poor water decisions made years ago and "locked in") is going to greatly change the character over the next 20 years. Farming will become harder, leading to small farmers going out of business. The natural beauty will change as fires continually destroy chunks of forests. Air quality is bad during the summers due to smoke from fires (sometimes from many hundreds of miles away). But, giving up mountains to move to the Midwest would be giving up something we love. Moving from a small town to a more urban area would give us some things we would like, but would mean missing out on seeing lots of stars at night. There are so many factors, it's hard to decide how they all relate and how to prioritize.

As for the meaning of "living", I think that one of the best exercises is to imagine what you want people to say about you at your memorial service. Imagine what you would want a sibling, a close friend, and Bella would say about you when you're gone. That can help you understand what is important to you.

For me personally, they would say things like me being a role model of someone who showed that there was more to life than just work, and that I was willing to stand up for causes that I believe in even at a cost to me rather than silently going along with the crowd. They would say that they felt like knowing me had made them better people. They would say that I made mistakes, but generally was open to admitting my mistakes, and that I would try to really make amends, not just lip service "I'm sorry".

So, I guess for me, living is more about being a kind of person, rather than doing certain kinds of things.

[mrdreamjeans]

Tim, thanks for this ever so thoughtful response. Being rather than doing ... You've given me a lot to think about.

[mellowtigger]

I've never really understood "retirement" as a concept. Something worth doing is worth doing now rather than later. There are things I'd like to do if I suddenly had money (like go to college), but it's not something that I spend a lifetime arranging for a potential reward at the very end. There's too much that can go wrong in between. So I recommend living now as you wish to live. Don't postpone. Long-term planning is good for sustainability, though. Definitely choose a life and style that you can reasonably sustain.

[mrdreamjeans]

Reasonable sustainability is the key. I know I'm in a great building, in a beautiful apartment with neighbors who care about me. But, I also know what my retirement income is ... My rent going up to $2K/month has really made me consider change.