mrdreamjeans | Me Being Me (Reply)

My friend Tony Plaza wrote the following this last week: “People will either like you or they will not. If they disown you, turn the page and you be you.” Sound simple? For me, it’s not.

I spent a lot of my life worrying if people liked me, worrying about what people thought of me. It wasn’t about wanting to be popular, it was more about not being an outsider. I’ve lived my life with the certain knowledge I was an outsider. I was different from every other member of my family and there are a myriad of ways your family lets you know this. Being different requires the creation of a prism unlike any known to your family. Because of who I am, I view life and society through a different lens.

One of my greatest desires has been to be loved unconditionally. It’s a big ask. Though my family loves me, it is not completely unconditional with the exception of one nephew and one niece. (It’s how I feel whether it’s true or not.) When the entire family is together we spend a lot of time talking about inconsequential matters. There are too many topics, too many minefields to tip toe through. I’m not great at small talk. I’m opinionated and if you challenge me you’d better bring your facts and evidence to support your point of view.

I’m single, a “confirmed bachelor” as it used to be called; a 66-year old gay man with no children or heirs; I live in a city with my 13-year old dog; I live alone and my quality of life got more precarious during the past four years. I’m not particularly religious (too strong a bullshit detector for that); I’m well educated, socially liberal, a rules follower. In other words, a moderate Republican circa 1972.

The version of me you see depends entirely on how you treat me, my friends and family; I will not stand by as someone threatens my loved ones; but, for decades, I didn’t stand up enough for myself. I deplore fakes, liars and deliberate ignorance. It distresses me when my closest family members and I completely disagree.

So, let’s keep this election real ...

Joe Biden is the winner of the presidential election, both in the popular vote and electoral college. I feel like I’ve been holding my breath for 4 years. I won’t miss the scandal of the day from the current administration. I especially won’t miss the threat of the elimination of Social Security or Medicare and will hope for a return to rational, thoughtful discourse. I'm horrified by the dumbing down of America, but my trust for our institutions and belief in the Constitution remain intact.

I have lived with anxiety for the past four years as I’ve seen our country headed toward Facism. Nationalism is not patriotism! The horrible deeds of Hitler are facts, not conjecture. (I don't think a pink triangle would suit me despite an ability to accessorize.) The current president has been a destructive, incompetent leader, an inept, corrupt businessman incapable of empathy or kindness. Our country has been manipulated into believing it’s Us vs Them, Urban vs Rural ... and no one else matters.

Joe Biden may not have been any Democrat’s first choice for president, but he was and is the conciliating, healing choice. May Joe make a positive difference for all Americans in his one term! Kamala Harris? What can I say except Madam Vice President ... There’s something absolutely lovely about her election on the 100th anniversary of women getting the right to vote.

So many friends reached out to me to celebrate Biden’s win; but, his victory puts me in confict with my Texas family. I can’t fully enjoy it, because I’m still fighting the battle Tony wrote about, how do I accept, “People will either like you or they will not. If they disown you, turn the page and you be you”, especially when it's family? It’s solid advice I wish my younger self and current self could fully embrace. I dislike the idea of being disowned; but, don’t be surprised if I do something unexpected with the final chapters of my life. It will simply be me being me!