Goodbye TeddyB

[mrdreamjeans]

 In 2004, one of the first people I met on Live Journal was a gentle giant of a man whose posts oozed intelligence and humor. He lived in Canada, but was from the US. In 2005, while on tour with "Evita" I had the opportunity to meet teddyb in person. Bob loved theater, loved showing me his adopted city, Toronto, and we became very good friends. We stayed in close touch for over 15 years, first responders to each other's posts day after day.

Bob came to the Twin Cities in 2012 for a softball tournament; Tim and I showed him around town ... In 2018, Bob contacted me about vacationing in Minneapolis. He wanted to attend the Minnesota State Fair and stay with me in my house in the Victory Memorial neighborhood of Minneapolis. Bob made that trip and he stayed with me for five days. We attended the State Fair, where we saw Sugarland from a prime seat in the Grandstand; I was able to introduce Bob to seekerval and her husband Jeff and to my friend Tom Ruter that day.

A couple of days later, Bob joined thespian15 and me at The Guthrie Theatre for a performance. Outside on the Bridge at The Guthrie, I took the photo which became Bob's icon on Facebook. Just prior to the end of his stay, Bob accompanied me to Sunday evening dancing which he enjoyed immensely.

When I signed on to Facebook tonight, I found to my horror that Bob died on October 13. Details are sketchy, but many members of the old Live Journal community and others from Facebook are grieving tonight! It's inexplicable that Bob is gone; we were just bantering on Facebook a few days ago. Bob was so excited to vote and determined to get his US ballot counted.

No one seems to know how Bob died and here's why  am distraught ... I am picturing Bob being alone when he died and that image haunts me. Dying alone, with no one knowing, is my biggest fear. RIP, dear friend. I will miss you so much ...

Comments

[mellowtigger]

I'm lucky not to worry about that particular fate. I daydream about walking into the forest someday and not coming back, so dying alone is an item on my bucket list. I suspect my coworkers would call police if I didn't report in for a workday or two (they know I call this place the warzone), so at least my cat would receive attention soon.

Would it help calm your worries if you arranged greater integration between your work/home and social lives? Like dragging your neighbors into Dreamwidth, so news (the storytelling) is sure to flow between the various communities you participate in? I suspect a lot of people rely on religious communities to serve both this news-spreading function and a last-hour vigil function for its members.

[mrdreamjeans]

I hope to come to know more of my online friends IRL. In my touring years, I met a surprising number of LJ folk in person. A half dozen or more are now deceased. I suppose to be expected after 17 years on the site and counting.

[billeyler]

That was terrible news. I've seen two more sudden deaths reported by Albuquerque friends since I saw your post about Bob. Just awful.

[mrdreamjeans]

It is ... It makes me even more determined to get to know Danny and you IRL. We've been in each other's lives for so many years. I find Bob's death so distressing. I found out he was dead for three days before his roommate checked on him.

[billeyler]

Because you mentioned that in the post about Bob, I was a bit "raised eyebrow" about his roommate finding him. What kind of relationship did they have if he found a delivery meal outside the door, put it in the fridge, then completely ignored the fact his roommate Bob hadn't picked the meal up, then ignored him for several days?

[mrdreamjeans]

Bob had no friendship with or real connection to his roommate. It was simply someone who shared the apartment. Their paths seldom crossed and they made no effort to spend any time together. Bob told me about him ... Over the years Bob lived in a series of apartments, almost like a boarding house situation. He also was a bit of a hoarder. In 15 years of knowing him, Bob never invited me to his place. It's why my anxiety over his death was so high ...

Old memories

[midlifebear]

I think I met him too. Wasn't he at the Sunday dinner we had at Bill Pusztai's house in 2005? That was such a long time ago. . . .

I am sorry for his loss.

May he rest in peace.

Re: Old memories

[mrdreamjeans]

I was Bob's guest at the Sunday gathering in 2005 in Toronto. It's definitely where I met you and Al ... I no longer see Al on social media ... Bitterlawngnome and I did not become friends on social media ...

[excessor]

It's distressing to read of people dying, and even more distressing to know that they might have been alone. I don't know why that is—some of us want to be alone most of the time, and being alone when we die is part of that.

I hope he didn't suffer and went quickly. And I'm sorry for your loss.

[mrdreamjeans]

The information I was able to glean indicated he died from either a stroke or heart attack. Since he was single and increasingly isolated due to mobility issues, I was doubtful I could find out much. I have spent most of my life living alone by choice; but, I did sell my house because if I had fallen down the stairs at any point, I would not have been discovered for days. I hope Bob didn't suffer either ... thanks for your kindness, Paul ...