Happy Birthday to my Nose!

[mrdreamjeans]

I've been struggling for inspiration in terms of writing posts here on Live Journal. Just in the past few weeks (in some cases days), two friends have lost their fathers, another has lost his lifetime best friend and yet another's daughter died unexpectedly. In some cases, I didn't know the people who passed; in some cases, I did, but not well. How does one respond to another's overwhelming pain and grief when you're on the periphery of the pain? I wish I had the answer ... and the words. Offering thoughts and prayers feels inadequate when we experience daily mass shootings in this country.

My friends who recognize themselves in this post, just know ... I am truly sorry for your losses.

I've had a few "highs" at the same time these losses occurred ... Seeing "Cirque Du Soleil's "Corteo", "Book of Mormon" and "A Smoky Mountain Christmas Carol" (music by Dolly Parton) were wonderful diversions, but reading day after day how our president sews seeds of discontent among Americans, knowing he is without empathy and understanding, how bullying words and messages of hate incite violence, I feel like I'm being dragged down by not- so-invisible forces. My emotions are a tangled mess ...

Feeling stifled by economic realities, I react by spending money. I have little disposable income after bills are paid. This month, I've left myself so short, I can only sort of enjoy this Thanksgiving holiday. My natural instinct is to nest; but, to emotionally keep my head above water, it's important I get out of the house and be with friends. I'll survive! This down mood is only temporary. But know - I'm already planning major changes for my life going forward.

Insufficient retirement funds requires changes and I will make them. We all need a cushion for emergencies and this is what I have to build again.Thank goodness I worked really hard to land my part time job and have Georgie to keep me company. Those choices were good ones; however, my current financial life remains a balancing act with stronger disciplne necessary on my part. I am responsible for my choices. No one else is going to pay the bills.

This month is the 6th anniversary of my first medical crisis. Yes, my nose is now six years old!! Prior to the series of medical events, I seldom felt vulnerable. Now, I do. I've never quite figured out what is worse ... feeling vulnerable or invisible.

Comments

[billeyler]

But there *IS* reason for Thanksgiving. We see that.