Plane Stupid
Dec. 14th, 2005 12:51 amI don’t hate the act of flying. I just dislike how I feel when I’m crammed into a airline seat with virtually no leg room; riding in a plane with poorly filtered, barely circulating air, in a cabin that’s overheated and the guy sitting next to me’s elbow in my side; puddle-jumping on a craft staffed by attendants who ignore rules about carry-on baggage and are cranky and/or under-performing. Welcome to my flight from Phoenix to Austin Monday aboard the America West express affiliate, Mesa Airlines.
The travel agent for my company booked me on this flight. I was told a month ago if I made my own travel plans that my reimbursement would be $99. (That’s what the flight was to cost them). Except for one thing - When I checked online to make certain about my seating assignment, I saw when the agent actually booked it. By the time he got around to it, my company paid $563 for a one-way ticket. It’s sloppy travel agency work. I could have made some serious reimbursement money. No wonder the cost on my copy of the itinerary was blacked out:)
I knew we were in for an inferior experience when the lead attendant had to take the head count three times just because she couldn’t remember it. She was in her 40s, had shaved eyebrows with vivid white eye shadow (Yes, I’m taking off points for poor makeup choices); she was passive-aggressive in all of her responses. She looked like she would be overwhelmed if you decisively wanted a drink with ice. While we were waiting 20th in line for take off, she was sitting in the front jump seat with her head in her lap dozing. The poor woman had obviously been flying for awhile, but any sympathy I might have had went out the window when she read the “Welcome to your destination” speech from a printed and laminated card hanging around her neck ... in an apologetic monotone. Learn your lines, lady!
Another factor in my unease was when two passengers from Rows 1-6 were asked to volunteer to move to the back of the plane to balance the load before we could take off. Luckily, two tourists did volunteer because the business wonks who pre-boarded hunkered down in their seats and refused to make eye contact following the request. I should have taken that as a cue that there would be problems with baggage.
I arrived in Austin at 2:00pm on Monday. My bag arrived two hours ago, after a lovely vacation in Oklahoma City. My suitcase also arrived with my “Evita” National Tour tag intact and all of my correct information, including my cell number on it. Yet, they couldn’t locate it for nearly 24 hours. In addition, I live 100 miles from the Austin airport; Mesa had to pay a delivery service to drive my suitcase to me!
I’ve been flying for 33 years. I’ve always loved moving about the country and the world. I’ve delighted in traveling; but flying’s become a chore, not a privilege, driving a long distance has become too expensive. Maybe it’s time to take trains again. I miss the days of flights that included first-class service, hot meals served on china, with real silverware and glassware on the tray. I miss the hot face towels (though you can still get that kind of perk on International flights). However, I don’t miss smoking on flights or People’s Express:)
With another bad travel experience on the airlines (and no bad weather to blame it on), I decided to make a list of the various airlines and offer my totally subjective ratings of the companies:
Favorite Airlines to Fly:
Southwest, Continental, Jet Blue, Midwest and Alaska
Airlines I Will Fly If I Have To:
American, United, Hawaiian
If There’s No Other Choice:
Northwest, Delta, America West, Frontier
Would Cancel the Trip Before Flying Them:
US Air, Independence Air
Have Never Flown Them and Don’t Plan To:
Air Tran, ATA, Sun Country or Big Sky
Out-of-Business Airlines I Miss:
Braniff, TWA
Flying just isn’t fun any more, that’s “plane” and simple. But, before I go, I have one question to ask ...
When there’s two seats in a row of a plane, who the hell gets the middle arm rest? I should know, but I'm plane stupid:)
The travel agent for my company booked me on this flight. I was told a month ago if I made my own travel plans that my reimbursement would be $99. (That’s what the flight was to cost them). Except for one thing - When I checked online to make certain about my seating assignment, I saw when the agent actually booked it. By the time he got around to it, my company paid $563 for a one-way ticket. It’s sloppy travel agency work. I could have made some serious reimbursement money. No wonder the cost on my copy of the itinerary was blacked out:)
I knew we were in for an inferior experience when the lead attendant had to take the head count three times just because she couldn’t remember it. She was in her 40s, had shaved eyebrows with vivid white eye shadow (Yes, I’m taking off points for poor makeup choices); she was passive-aggressive in all of her responses. She looked like she would be overwhelmed if you decisively wanted a drink with ice. While we were waiting 20th in line for take off, she was sitting in the front jump seat with her head in her lap dozing. The poor woman had obviously been flying for awhile, but any sympathy I might have had went out the window when she read the “Welcome to your destination” speech from a printed and laminated card hanging around her neck ... in an apologetic monotone. Learn your lines, lady!
Another factor in my unease was when two passengers from Rows 1-6 were asked to volunteer to move to the back of the plane to balance the load before we could take off. Luckily, two tourists did volunteer because the business wonks who pre-boarded hunkered down in their seats and refused to make eye contact following the request. I should have taken that as a cue that there would be problems with baggage.
I arrived in Austin at 2:00pm on Monday. My bag arrived two hours ago, after a lovely vacation in Oklahoma City. My suitcase also arrived with my “Evita” National Tour tag intact and all of my correct information, including my cell number on it. Yet, they couldn’t locate it for nearly 24 hours. In addition, I live 100 miles from the Austin airport; Mesa had to pay a delivery service to drive my suitcase to me!
I’ve been flying for 33 years. I’ve always loved moving about the country and the world. I’ve delighted in traveling; but flying’s become a chore, not a privilege, driving a long distance has become too expensive. Maybe it’s time to take trains again. I miss the days of flights that included first-class service, hot meals served on china, with real silverware and glassware on the tray. I miss the hot face towels (though you can still get that kind of perk on International flights). However, I don’t miss smoking on flights or People’s Express:)
With another bad travel experience on the airlines (and no bad weather to blame it on), I decided to make a list of the various airlines and offer my totally subjective ratings of the companies:
Favorite Airlines to Fly:
Southwest, Continental, Jet Blue, Midwest and Alaska
Airlines I Will Fly If I Have To:
American, United, Hawaiian
If There’s No Other Choice:
Northwest, Delta, America West, Frontier
Would Cancel the Trip Before Flying Them:
US Air, Independence Air
Have Never Flown Them and Don’t Plan To:
Air Tran, ATA, Sun Country or Big Sky
Out-of-Business Airlines I Miss:
Braniff, TWA
Flying just isn’t fun any more, that’s “plane” and simple. But, before I go, I have one question to ask ...
When there’s two seats in a row of a plane, who the hell gets the middle arm rest? I should know, but I'm plane stupid:)
no subject
Date: 2005-12-14 09:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-15 12:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-14 10:33 am (UTC)Whoever has the determination to hold it the longest. I'm a lifelong American flyer because of my parents' work, but on my first Southwest experience I went through a massive battle for that exact little piece of plastic and metal. I had used the "look slightly unhinged" technique to secure an empty seat next to me, but the plan backfired when the largest individual I'd seen in ages borded at the last second. Being a fool, I had not considered the possiblity that the flight would be full. Realizing the oncoming encroachment into my personal space, which I tend to take VERY poorly, I lept back into the seat right after he passed and claimed the armrest again. Usually I would be more giving, but having not slept in the last 36 hours had me feeling rather entitled. This strategy, however, quickly backfired when I realized that although there would indeed be battling over the armrest, it would actually not be a dual between our arms but rather my arm and his massive, overflowing bulk. As he sat down, my poor forearm disappeared underneight the new lake of flesh that had pooled over on to my territory. I had a long internal debate as to whether or not of abandon my positioning and return my arm to its previously visible positioning, but I feared the potential of the broken levy and simply pretended to be an amputee.
I have no idea why I just wrote that...blame it on thesis avoidance. Have fun in town.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-15 12:49 am (UTC)The guy on Monday's flight wasn't a big guy...just weasel-like. No part of my body was hanging over into his area and he still stuck his elbow into my side. I always have trouble with keeping my knees in my space; though I'm only 6"1", I have long legs. It was cramped and the air was barely moving and overheated. No wonder so many of my co-workers and I were ill last week. We we all on the same flight ... with sick people. Thanks for chiming in! HUGS!
no subject
Date: 2005-12-15 10:39 am (UTC)I know what you mean about the knees. I've 6', but that's enough to make things a nightmare. I always go for the aisle and cross my fingers. On American I use charm at the desk or, if it is self check-in, I make a point to hit the machine a little later than normal so as to see what my choices are in terms of seating. Usually, the further to the back the better the options.
Like something out of a Cartoon
Date: 2005-12-14 12:30 pm (UTC)Probably have been in-flight service that way anyhow. ;)
Sorryn to hear about your bad experience......but glad you arrived safely.
Re: Like something out of a Cartoon
Date: 2005-12-15 12:51 am (UTC)Re: Like something out of a Cartoon
Date: 2005-12-15 10:14 am (UTC)But I know what you mean.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-14 12:36 pm (UTC)I'm so sick of the Southwest "Cattle Call". It's just a big bus with wings.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-15 12:56 am (UTC)Southwest may take a cattle call approach for seating, but I've found that it works to my advantage greatly when traveling with a group. A travel agent usually books us and could care less as to my preference in seating. I often do not find out about it until it's too late to change it. On Southwest, you can check in the entire "Evita" group with a few clicks of the mouse and get them in Boarding Group A. Once I'm in Boarding Group A, I've always been able to get exactly the seat I want on the exit row which gives me three times the leg room ... enough, in fact, to cross my legs!!
Have a Happy Holiday! If you and Rob are in DC the week between Christmas and New Years, give me a holler! I'll be in town:) Hugs!
no subject
Date: 2005-12-14 12:42 pm (UTC)Flying is just NOT what it used to be (or maybe I'm remembering it wrongly). One of my first trips, in 1975, was on a UA DC-10 from Detroit to San Francisco, morning flight with breakfast buffet lined up in that area that crosses the cabin.
Those were the days when service really was service. Not too long ago a friend of ours stated that he had a preference for Alaska Airlines because they have the best service, to which I (sarcastically?) replied, "What's the difference anymore? Anyone can throw peanuts -- it's just a matter now if which airlines does it more often with less attitude for the lowest fare."
I hope I don't sound too too cynnical.
So I presume you'll probably be flying on CO to EWR; that'll bump up your OnePass Mileage account! And best of luck getting that arm rest! ;-)
XOXO
no subject
Date: 2005-12-15 01:01 am (UTC)Your comment is cynical, but very funny and true. Anyone can throw peanuts -- it's just a matter now if which airlines does it more often with less attitude for the lowest fare." ... Priceless!
I'm on Continental into Newark on Sunday afternoon. I can't wait to see Chip and you again!!
ps... This is off-topic .. I wrote a post on December 6 titled "Spinning Wheel of Fortune". I was hoping you and Chip would take a look at it. However, I was chatting with my close friend Steve ...
no subject
Date: 2005-12-14 03:17 pm (UTC)no wonder some airlines have nicknames due to their reputation,like: US Air = Useless Air
and i can't STAND that re-processed air they circulate, which smells like the armpit of an dirty ape...there's never ANY room for legs, especially on 6'3" frames like myself... and the bathrooms on jets are a laugh and a half... never, i repeat, never take a poop on one of those... nuff said
i do remember one slightly hot experience... coming back from hawaii, you know how long THOSE flights can be... i was in my early 20's and sat next to a dude who was prob about 19 or so... during the long flight, which was in the LATE evening... he dosed off, snugly under his blanket... when i noticed he must have been having a "good dream"...
it was risky, but i think i was just as excited as he was... i decided to cop a feel under his blanket... my, my, my, what a good dream he had going... quite explosive one, at that
no subject
Date: 2005-12-15 01:04 am (UTC)The air is really bad on planes ... and the pilots make a choice of when they turn it on and how high.
I love your story about the guy having a dream ... I have this dream ... I'm 19 and I'm on a plane and this 6'3" hunky guy with dark hair and facial is sitting next to me and he puts his hand ... Hey!!! Wait a minute!!!! It was you!!! Damn! Hehehe....
Happy Holidays, Bubba!
no subject
Date: 2005-12-14 03:31 pm (UTC)Anyway, I have a beef with you. What's this holiday card sending to [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com] and I don't get one? *laughs and taps foot at same time* I am just teasing because I haven't gotten my cards out yet. That's this week's task. *sigh*
Have a good one!
no subject
Date: 2005-12-15 01:08 am (UTC)I've spoken to Dick on the phone in the past months and we share a common interest in the theater. I sorta feel like I know him. At least from your comment, I can only surmise, he got his Christmas Card:) Happy Holidays!
no subject
Date: 2005-12-14 04:04 pm (UTC)Airlines that have surprised me with good on-time performance, pleasant flight crews, and low-drama flights: SkyWest
Stupidest Airline [Re]Marketing Idea In Ages: Ted. (Whose major gimmick for the first month of operation was inserting words ending in "ted" into the P.A. announcements. "Ladies & Gentlemen, we are delighTED to have you on board, and hope you are situaTED comfortably. Our estimaTED flight time is two hours, and once everyone is seaTED, we can push back from the terminal...") I will admit that their flight safety video and their inflight videos are better than most other airlines, including United.
Dumbest Airline Renaming: "Northwest Orient" to "Northwest" to "NWA". Have these people never been to the rap section of a music store?
no subject
Date: 2005-12-15 01:15 am (UTC)I'll have to look at Sky West next time it's applicable.
I like your categories ... Some of my favorite airports to fly in and out of ... Austin, Nashville, Sacramento, Houston Hobby, Oakland, Pittsburgh, Providence ...
My least favorites ... Chicago O'Hare, Atlanta , DFW ... priciest of the large markets to fly in and out of ... Cincinnati, Memphis, Boston, Denver ...
no subject
Date: 2005-12-15 01:40 am (UTC)DFW is horrible. No matter how many times I fly in and out of there, it's horrible. The new train linking terminals is really nice, but I wish they'd spent the extra money to link the train system to the rental car pavilion.
Haven't flown through Atlanta in years; I neither liked nor hated it.
Denver is great. I didn't like it at first, but now that I've found that I really can transfer between flights at opposite ends of two different terminals easily, and do so in under 12 minutes without having to run ... I like it.
I like Seattle & Portalnd because of the ease of rental car drop off and pickup, and because they have reasonably good and inexpensive dining concessions in the main terminals.
Las Vegas is ... well, it's great when all of the trains and escalators and moving sidewalks are working. I wish I could point a remote control at the effing Wheel of Fortune slot machines and SHUT THEM UP.
SkyWest is a United (and I think Delta) partner. They fly little jets, like Canadair Regional Jets. I fly them a lot between Salt Lake City and San Francisco. Very low-drama, and I fit into a CRJ seat surprisingly well.
North Central was an upper Midwestern regional flying largely out of O'Hare and Milwaukee, among others. They eventually merged with Southern Airways to form Republic, which in turn was merged into Northwest a few years later. More info on North Central can be found at:
http://www.northliner.com/
no subject
Date: 2005-12-16 06:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-16 07:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-16 07:55 am (UTC)Effective 1/5/06, I'm dumping United as my primary carrier, and I'll be flying American to DFW for my 1/18/06 trip to Dallas and San Antonio. American (and partner carrier Alaska) will get most of my 2006 business.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-16 03:02 pm (UTC)I have a friend who had been for years at the highest level of frequent flyer status for United. He got fed up and moved all of his business to Alaska Airlines last year.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-16 04:15 pm (UTC)United's terminal at DFW has a surprisingly crappy and beat-up interior and concessions badly in need of updating, and always too hot, too cold, or too humid. (American's DFW terminals are much better maintained, unsurprisingly; but it IS their flagship hub.)
I haven't flow in, out, or through Atlanta for many years, and can't express an opinion one way or the other. (Hartsfield was brand-spanking-new when I last used it, which will tell you how long it's been since I visited Atlanta.)
I've been a United Premier flyer for several years. This past year, it's been so unpleasant to fly United that I've held back on the number of trips I've taking, cutting it back to the bare minimum required for business trips and vacations. I'll be dropping out of Premier status in 2006, and going to a different airline where I'll hopefully be treated more humanely. Or at least slightly less badly.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-14 04:09 pm (UTC)Southwest has really gone downhill over the past couple of years, and I really detest flying them anymore.
The moving of passengers to the back of the plane is standard procedure on any puddle jumper that isn't heavily booked or has the bulk of the passengers seated in the forward section of the plane. It really is a weight-and-balance issue.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-15 01:27 am (UTC)I've not had the same experience as you have had with Southwest. I find my friends evenly split between calling Southwest ... Southbest or Southworst:) However, over and over again, I've had bad experiences on Delta and United. My bags have been lost three times this year alone. I now pack my carry on bags with the idea that an overnight change of clothes and toiletries should be with me in the cabin of the plane:)
I understand the weight and balance issue. My only problem was that they didn't warn me (or anyone for that matter) that they were going to pull bags for that reason. I would have been fine with that. When they lost their tag off my bag, no one took the time to contact me ... altho all of my info was on the bag. Instead they just sent my suitcase to a random destination. I find that odd ...
I've decided to create a list of contents for each suitcase I travel with; I'll carry copies on me. If my bag is ever lost again (which is likely), I'll be able to make a quick claim.
Thanks for offering your perspective. HUGS!
BRING back S E R V I C E....I would pay for that
Date: 2005-12-14 07:27 pm (UTC)Re: BRING back S E R V I C E....I would pay for that
Date: 2005-12-15 01:31 am (UTC)ps ... Hope you got my holiday greeting:) HUGS!
Great post!
Date: 2005-12-15 09:49 am (UTC). Attendant's shaved eyebrows + "vivid White Eye Shadow" - Oh, you're lying!!! OMG, I have'nt seen that since, I don't know, before we were born??? But, you're right, why don't certain flight attendants and waitresses do away with this look? And it's only them.
. "She was sitting in the front jump seat with her head in her lap dozing off... and read her welcome speech from a LAMINATED CARD hanging off her neck" - LOL! I've never seen that before. That belongs on Mad TV!
. You forgot to mention Sunjet - It's the only airline I've been on that asked passengers to move up and down the plane to 'balance out' the weight - I thought: "You've got to be joking! Is this a commercial airline or a cattle cart?". Never booked again.
. Air Tran was ok til their useless and most unprofessional searches pulling clothes off my suitcases and shoving them back like rags. I said "Fuck you!" to their faces and left.
Americans are clueless on this practice. European trains and airlines do this all the time but never disrespecfully.
. People's Express - omg, I did'nt think anyone still alive would remember them? :0)
You sure know your airlines, Neil:
. Braniff was GOOD - courteous, professional, on time.
. TWA intl & domestic - so missed. Classy. Real food. I flew them a lot transatlantic.
This post's so good, I'm sharing this:
. In the 80's while I was flying high, I did 1 trip NY-Paris on the Concorde and return on People Express. What a great time that was! I must have been 25 at the most.
. On the Concorde met a fashion and cultural icon who fell madly in love with me, she introduced me to Bergdorf's head honchess by 'hand-written note' who, in turn, gave me my 1st Bergdorf order.
. On People Express was sandwiched between a huge garlic-smelling spanish woman shrouded in black from head to toe and a sex-oozing model from California. The model showed me his book and asked "Think you can get me some leads in Italy?" (cuz I had confided in the course of conversation that I just done a stint @ Armani which allowed me to splurge on the Concorde to begin with) So I said "Will you sleep with me cuz I think you're the most beautiful man in the world?" He said "Gee, I'm continuing to California. But wanna go to the bathroom?" I said "Deal!" So we did.
The spanish lady was drooling over his book as we came back from the bathroom and smiled at me, clueless.
Re: Great post!
Date: 2005-12-16 06:49 am (UTC)I have a feeling that you get a long ways with that rakish grin when you ask guys to sleep with you because they are beautiful... I find that you (you in the greater sense) often get what you want when you're breathtakingly bold and direct and just ask for what you want.... (You never know till you ask, do you? )
The Spanish lady was drooling over the book while you got to drool over the man ... Priceless:)
Thanks for the compliment on the post!
Bold n' direct
Date: 2005-12-16 10:55 am (UTC)But I notice people don't often see it that way in America? Malheureux puritains? :0)
Whenever I flirt, it is a compliment - never an insult. Why would it be? Why *should* it be? I don't see people as meat or to serve my needs. I see them as the divine creations that they are. Each one unique. No 2 alike. I grew up seeing women like that: Jewels. Now I like men and see them the same way: Still jewels - only of a different kind? :0)
But, I think a lot of Americans don't get this or are suspicious because of the way they're brought up - the long-term cultural effect. For a while, I bought into that bullshit myself but it was brief, thank God!
So I do get "No!"s, sometimes even in offended tones. I don't take it personally. Sometimes you just don't appeal? But if it's not a reflection on them, why should it be on me?
The hottie from Cal shu' worked out good, though, and many more since... hehhehhehheh...
I don't travel by plane anymore if I can help it.
Re: Bold n' direct
Date: 2005-12-16 03:09 pm (UTC)I agree with you that we should celebrate the beauty of people and not be afraid to say what we think and feel. I've always said what was on my mind ... and if it was a flirtation or invitation and the person declined, I just moved on. No's don't end your life and you can just keep trying for the next yes:)
Hugs!
PS
Date: 2005-12-16 10:20 pm (UTC)Re: PS
Date: 2005-12-16 11:23 pm (UTC)Hugs!
We're on the same page
Date: 2005-12-16 11:52 pm (UTC)This is also why I'm going to school starting spring. It's just not a moment to go wandering around out there looking for work. I'm going to school during which time I'll continue to write without distraction, then get published and produced: that's how I'm fighting back. The pen is the best weapon of the oppressed - and I feel oppressed!
A corporate job to finance the revolution and they can kiss my ass soon after. I ain't nobody's slave! One is a slave if one cannot do without a job. I dare say most of us right now can't.
I say fight RT to Seattle and get it over with.
Hugs!
Re: We're on the same page
Date: 2005-12-18 05:51 am (UTC)2006
Date: 2005-12-19 10:08 am (UTC)FIT will mean a difference between $50,000.00 and $90,000.00 in salary. I'm gonna need it to finance all this. I'm ready. When I return to NYC, it will be fashion, theatre and a T-shirt project that RO would approve of :0) all intertwined and all for revolution.
The T-shirts may come out as early as spring 06 in Houston depending on time and budget. It will be a take-no-prisoners anti-establishment explosion into the face of Imperialism! Think RO will love me? hehehehe! He recently wondered to s/o when was the last time they wrote a protesr song. You can't not love that. I don't see a lot of that on here. "Some" here and there but not a lot.
As for writing, I'll be happy to put out 2 works in 2006 including the play. 2 more in 2007 and I'm smoking.
So there, are inquiring minds fullfilled? :0) Hugs!
PS: How does ADAO (American Designers Against Outsourcing) sound to you?