Where have all the women gone?
Nov. 6th, 2010 08:50 am![[personal profile]](http://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mrdreamjeansMy title is mostly tongue-in-cheek, but it brings up a topic that I discussed with another LJ friend a couple of months ago. I've been delighted to have a baker's dozen of women as my friends on Live Journal. I like having diversity of thought, opinion, reaction, sensibility in my blog ... find that my women friends offer distinct points of view that enrich the experience of making meaningful connections through our writing. Even within my female friends on LJ, there is diversity ... a range of age, experience and identification ... straight, lesbian and bi ... that delights and enlightens me.
One of my gay male LJ friends, who I don't know well, wrote that he didn't have women in his life in any significant way ... pondered why so many gay men seemed to have close connections to women. I responded that I genuinely like women. I enjoy their company. I'm emotionally in tune with them. I am close to several women, too many singer/actress friends to mention. I am blessed with dynamic and loving women in my life, both straight and lesbian.
In my inner most circle of friends, I have five gay men, one straight man, two lesbians and two straight women ... I didn't consciously pick them for diversity ... and of course, the definition of "inner most" is entirely subjective. I am close to my sister, niece and mother. I'm not happy living in a gay-male-bear-centric bubble. In fairness, many of the lesbians I know tend to exclude gay men from their lives; sometimes, I've been the only "approved" man in their circle:) Not sure why, but so be it.
Many men do want to live a gay male centric life and that's fine, but I often don't fit in with them comfortably. I must admit, I don't understand men who genuinely don't like women. There are folks of all genders that each of us likes or dislikes, but I don't take a look at anyone and dismiss them as potential friend simply because of gender. I am creative, empathetic, right-brained ... I wonder if that's a factor in how I relate to women.
Of the baker's dozen of women on my friend's list, about half still actively write or comment on Live Journal. I read everything they write. As in the general population, most now have a Facebook account and I don't often see posts from them on LJ. For me, the continual feed on FB really makes it difficult to stay in touch. With LJ, I can go to their blogs, read, savor and respond to their posts when I am able to.
So, I ask my friends ... separate from your partners ... If you're male, what role do women ... straight or lesbian ... play in your life? Do you have close friendships with women? What do those friendships mean to you? If you're female, what role do men, gay or straight, play in your lives? Do you have close friendships with men? What do those friendships mean to you?
I am going to leave this post open, so that men and women you might know, also have an opportunity to offer their points of view.
One of my gay male LJ friends, who I don't know well, wrote that he didn't have women in his life in any significant way ... pondered why so many gay men seemed to have close connections to women. I responded that I genuinely like women. I enjoy their company. I'm emotionally in tune with them. I am close to several women, too many singer/actress friends to mention. I am blessed with dynamic and loving women in my life, both straight and lesbian.
In my inner most circle of friends, I have five gay men, one straight man, two lesbians and two straight women ... I didn't consciously pick them for diversity ... and of course, the definition of "inner most" is entirely subjective. I am close to my sister, niece and mother. I'm not happy living in a gay-male-bear-centric bubble. In fairness, many of the lesbians I know tend to exclude gay men from their lives; sometimes, I've been the only "approved" man in their circle:) Not sure why, but so be it.
Many men do want to live a gay male centric life and that's fine, but I often don't fit in with them comfortably. I must admit, I don't understand men who genuinely don't like women. There are folks of all genders that each of us likes or dislikes, but I don't take a look at anyone and dismiss them as potential friend simply because of gender. I am creative, empathetic, right-brained ... I wonder if that's a factor in how I relate to women.
Of the baker's dozen of women on my friend's list, about half still actively write or comment on Live Journal. I read everything they write. As in the general population, most now have a Facebook account and I don't often see posts from them on LJ. For me, the continual feed on FB really makes it difficult to stay in touch. With LJ, I can go to their blogs, read, savor and respond to their posts when I am able to.
So, I ask my friends ... separate from your partners ... If you're male, what role do women ... straight or lesbian ... play in your life? Do you have close friendships with women? What do those friendships mean to you? If you're female, what role do men, gay or straight, play in your lives? Do you have close friendships with men? What do those friendships mean to you?
I am going to leave this post open, so that men and women you might know, also have an opportunity to offer their points of view.
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Date: 2013-02-27 07:35 pm (UTC)Thanks for an such a great, thought-provoking read. :)
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Date: 2013-03-01 12:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-04-22 12:10 pm (UTC)Married with two ex-racing greyhounds and 2 aging cockatiels.
We help with greyhound rescues, but very seldom it seems lately.
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Date: 2013-08-31 11:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-08-31 11:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-09-01 02:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-09-01 11:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-23 05:47 am (UTC)I grew up with two older brothers and a younger sister out in the suburbs of Melbourne, Australia. My brothers loved cars and sport like most of the guys in that place at that time. Not me. In High School I discovered how much fun girlfriends were and whilst I had a group of male friends, it was the girls homes I went to after school. I knew I was gay and girls provided a safe environment. The boys liked nothing better than taunting gay guys. I managed to fly under their radar for most of the time.
Then at University it was quite a melting pot of personalities. I studied cinema & drama so there were other gay guys as well as straight guys and lots of girls. It was a period of self discovery and friends were starting to "come out". It was the 80s though and the new Gay Disease retarded things a little.
I think I was about 23 when I came out to family and friends. I had entered work life and was enjoying a mix of friends but my female friends were always the closest. Not all of them were a success. It's still all about personalities whether they be male or female and there were a few disasters along the way.
Today my two best friends are women. One is from High School and the other from an early job. I have known each of them for over 25 years know. A third friend is a straight male that I have known since starting school at the age of 4! Although solid now our friendship has drifted at various times.
Now I am far away from all these people living in France . It has been difficult making new friends and I have had mixed success. I made a couple of good female friends in Paris. But here in Sth of France it has been much harder. Friendship with gay men has sometimes been mixed with sex which for me tends to complicate things as I am in a relationship. Sometimes guys who I have wanted as friends have been looking for sex but have "played" the friend card to get there. I haven't met any women here I have really connected with and I am missing the company of women. Actually since I have decided to not mix sex & friendship I now seem to have no friends at all, l