Quiet Night and Too Much Time to Think
May. 6th, 2004 12:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mrdreamjeansIt is rare that I sign online and my buddy list is blank, but it seems that everyone I know has something better to do tonight. Since I outlined my return to Texas, I've been a bit on the blue side. I know I am doing the right thing for me in terms of affordability, family and career, but I will miss my friends here in Seattle.
Sometimes, I seem to be best at missing folks, rather than being with them. Does anyone else start missing people before they are actually gone? Once I was on tour with "Evita" and two close friends visited me in the Bay area for a week. On my day off from shows in San Francisco at the Orpheum, we were having a wonderful dinner at a place on the Russian River after visiting the Redwoods. Casey and David were laughing at something I said and and suddenly David said, "Stop! You're missing us and we're still here."
I guess my melancholy was all too evident in my face. I try now to remind myself not to stare like I am capturing the moment forever. It makes folks uncomfortable and there will be more wonderful memories to remember. You can't freeze-frame life. It just seems like I am always leaving... yet, because of my career, that is most often the case.
I felt that way last night at Bearaoke. The DJ Jonathan was celebrating his birthday. His partner Pat was there with Jonathan's father and sister. I met fellow LiveJournaler BigSabu (Robert) who was very nice even with the rambling I do when I'm inexplicably shy; I also found out that Marvin, who sings often at Bearaoke, was also on Live Journal. A shout-out to UrsusNoir!
I felt sad, realizing that I was giving up getting to better know many of the guys at Bearaoke who have been a support network in the past year. Since I've toured for so many years, I've not often been able to make parties, join organizations or just hang with other similar-minded guys. My friends in different cities have often been the actors I know. This is a different group and it's been nice.
On the other hand, another part of me is anxious to pack and get back to Texas. I am focused on my health goals and have been vigorously pursuing theatre work via contacts in NYC. I hope to get back on tour, a place I realize is my comfort zone. My friend Denny said to me recently that he thinks I am most comfortable when I am looking forward to going home, but that I'm not good at being home. That gave me pause....Of course, I met Denny in Detroit on tour:)
Enough introspection:) This is insufferable! See what thinking too much can do! I am looking forward to my journey with Tim (baraksf) and to the new adventures to which it will lead. I do think it is the right thing to do for both of us. No risk, stagnation sets in. Life is about choices.
We've got lots of time to think. On our Big Move, we've got 5000 miles of insight to gain.
Sometimes, I seem to be best at missing folks, rather than being with them. Does anyone else start missing people before they are actually gone? Once I was on tour with "Evita" and two close friends visited me in the Bay area for a week. On my day off from shows in San Francisco at the Orpheum, we were having a wonderful dinner at a place on the Russian River after visiting the Redwoods. Casey and David were laughing at something I said and and suddenly David said, "Stop! You're missing us and we're still here."
I guess my melancholy was all too evident in my face. I try now to remind myself not to stare like I am capturing the moment forever. It makes folks uncomfortable and there will be more wonderful memories to remember. You can't freeze-frame life. It just seems like I am always leaving... yet, because of my career, that is most often the case.
I felt that way last night at Bearaoke. The DJ Jonathan was celebrating his birthday. His partner Pat was there with Jonathan's father and sister. I met fellow LiveJournaler BigSabu (Robert) who was very nice even with the rambling I do when I'm inexplicably shy; I also found out that Marvin, who sings often at Bearaoke, was also on Live Journal. A shout-out to UrsusNoir!
I felt sad, realizing that I was giving up getting to better know many of the guys at Bearaoke who have been a support network in the past year. Since I've toured for so many years, I've not often been able to make parties, join organizations or just hang with other similar-minded guys. My friends in different cities have often been the actors I know. This is a different group and it's been nice.
On the other hand, another part of me is anxious to pack and get back to Texas. I am focused on my health goals and have been vigorously pursuing theatre work via contacts in NYC. I hope to get back on tour, a place I realize is my comfort zone. My friend Denny said to me recently that he thinks I am most comfortable when I am looking forward to going home, but that I'm not good at being home. That gave me pause....Of course, I met Denny in Detroit on tour:)
Enough introspection:) This is insufferable! See what thinking too much can do
We've got lots of time to think. On our Big Move, we've got 5000 miles of insight to gain.
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