Waterbury....Remnants of a Dream

[mrdreamjeans]

Monunmental church and public buildings and visible images of crushing poverty were the sights on my 45-minute walk this morning around Waterbury, Connecticut. I decided to get out and about to shake off the vestiges of an unusual dream; and so with a sunny crisp morning here and the Fall foliage at its peak painting the hill sides in broad strokes of crimson, yellow and orange, I headed out in search of photo opportunities.

As many small cities in the Northeast with industrial backgrounds, Waterbury has abundant examples of empty mills, cloaked in red-bricked dignity, now shabbily clinging to their past. Empty and sad. I passed one building that was obviously an Elks or Lions Club decades ago, but was now a Hindu Evangelical Temple. (I’m not sure what that means:)

Waterbury’s St. Ann’s Catholic Church is a stunning twin-spired gothic granite building of immense scale. Mary Sheehan, an actress in ‘Evita”, attended Mass there on Sunday and told me there were few celebrants at the Mass. No church survives long without a congregation. I passed an old wooden building that had obviously been a tavern at one point. It was now a church whose mission was to assist recovering addicts. A bit ironic, given its history...

The Palace Theatre where we are teching “Evita” has been closed for 20 years, but is set to reopen next month. We are the first tenants of the refurbished theatre, though we are not performing for the public. The building is glorious... plush red velvet seats ... every mural, cornice and proscenium detail brought back to life. Tony Bennett’s concert in 1984 closed The Palace; he is set to reopen the theatre in November. I guess Bennett left his heart in more places than San Francisco:)

Everywhere I turn, I see young people, hardened by poverty, hopelessness etched into their prematurely aging faces. I witnessed a woman yesterday, who came into the cafe where I was eating supper, count every bit of change she had just to have a modest hot meal. She asked the price of a burger, what it would cost with fries, the price of a cup of coffee. She couldn’t afford the fries, but ultimately treated herself to a glass of milk. I started to tell the waitress to bring her fries and I’d pay, but something in the woman’s face told me that sitting in a restaurant, paying for a meal was of significance to her and that my offer would embarrass her. Sometimes, buttressing someone's dignity is more important than grand gestures.

As I concluded my walk, I came across a funny sight. A white-haired priest of about 80 years of age was walking his dog on a leash. The dog, a very young energetic Golden Retriever was impatient, pulling him down the street, nearly yanking him off his feet. The priest didn’t see me until I was close to them and he was cursing a blue streak at his pet. When he saw me, I grinned and he gave me a very composed smile and friendly greeting, just before his pup tugged him into a bush. When he thought he was out of my earshot (but wasn’t), he let go with another string of expletives. I guess priests are human too:)

I’ve pondered the dream I had last night, all morning. I was in an airport with the cast of “Evita” and we were handling our bags. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw one of those big old-fashioned baby buggies. I was the only one who noticed that it had been abandoned. I looked into the buggy; inside was an angelic baby girl. To my horror, the buggy was filling with water and her face was submerged; she was drowning. I lifted her out and resuscitated her. I implored people for their for help, but no one else came to the rescue. Her parents were gone and so were my fellow actors. I had been left behind.

I continued to ask for help. I noticed that my bags had been stolen, but nothing mattered. I had to help this child. Every time I put the baby back into the carriage in order to seek assistance, the carriage would fill up with water. I brought her back to life three or four times in the course of the dream, eventually just cuddling her in my arms to protect her. Finally, a policeman came up to me and firmly declared, "No one wants her - she’s yours. You have to keep her and protect her for the rest of your life." I woke up from my dream, bewildered, but surprisingly calm.

What does it mean? I shouldn’t eat Hanover pretzel sticks and peanut butter before I go to bed? Yes there have been times when I wanted to be a Dad, but that inclination is long past. I’ve never had a dream where the imagery was so confusing, distressing and vivid, yet where I ultimately felt such a sense of peace.

Now that I think of it, the city I strolled through this morning and my mystical dreamlike encounter with a child in need of rescue are similar.... remnants of dreams of loss and abandonment, morphing into a search for rebirth and renewal....with water as a common bond.

Comments

[bruinwi.livejournal.com]

Were I a Fruedian, the baby, the paramulator filling with water and your rescuing the child, all point to a birthing situation, a beginning. The tie-in with the "Evita" cast and being left behind may indicate that you see your involvement in the show as an individual, rather than an ensemble endeavour (Remember, this IS a dream; I have no doubt that you're nothing but professional, but you may FEEL like you're carrying the show). The baby may represent the show itself, that is being revived, reborn.

Too bad I'm not a Fruedian...

Don't take it all too seriously. As one person said, "Dreams are a way for the brain to clear out the clutter of the day." If you obsess over your dreams, how can the attic get clean?

These dreams

[ciddyguy.livejournal.com]

First of all, I'm glad you are able to keep us abreast of your travels, and noting aspects of yourself in the process.

While I've not always written about me per se, I think I'm telling about who I am through what I do most days, even if on the booorrrriiiinnnng side. :-)

Anyhoo, the dream you had last night reminds me of many of the dreams I've had where I can't shake the dream away. It remains with me through out the day, making me at times want to see if there was something it was trying to tell me.

lately, I've been having dreams, many of which are exact dreams of dreams past, or variations, or combinations of dreams past and also of similar themes oddly enough.

I've been dreaming of my old childhood neighborhood a lot lately as well as various neighborhoods, that's something I've dreamt in my past as well.

Anyhow, a wonderful post of discribing Waterbury Conneticut.

[ex-nashobabe711.livejournal.com]

And I stopped at the mall in downtown Waterbury yesterday on my drive home from New Jersey ... and was thinking how much nicer and alive and economically viable the place looks, compared with Fitchburg ...

Thanks for this post

[spaceybear.livejournal.com]

Thank you for this post, and all of the powerful images and observations it describes. I think your dream is significant, and points to a part of yourself you are trying to nurture and revive. Ask what it all means, and I think you will receive the answer.

[sflonestar.livejournal.com]

i don't have any special insight. i tend to believe that dreams are wishes and that they are sometimes disguised because our secret wishes can be disturbing to us. when i read your dream, the theme that went through my head was not as much about the show, but rather the wish for family. but what do i know?

"...renewal....with water as a common bond."...

[bearchitect.livejournal.com]

...so you always wanted to be an urban planner!! Of course, I feel doubly influential in your dream, first, I'm an architect, second, my journal's subtitle is "Adventures of a Perambulator", then again you don't have to listen to me :)

great descriptions of people and places!! Thanks

[ex-quietdanm235.livejournal.com]

Thank you for this post filled with so many rich and moving images!

Nurture yourself and you nurture the child within.

Be well!

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

You were less than a mile from the hotel where I am staying and the theatre:) I do think Waterbury is trying hard to revive itself. There are many pockets of redevelopment and the public buildings are magnificent. However, the young folks seem adrift. I guess my observations contain political filters...all of these tax cuts, supposed job growth and prosperity aren't reaching the people I am watching on the streets. I despair if "Shrub" is re-elected, particularly with Rehnquist with cancer and Justice Stevens in his late 80s. I look forward to meeting you!

Re: Thanks for this post

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Thanks for your kind words. I am always looking for the meaning of and behind dreams and events. It is good to see you here in this forum. I have missed seeing your posts.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I suspect that you are more right than you know. I always wanted to be a Dad...now I just have to settle for "daddy":) That may be good enough. LOL!

Re: "...renewal....with water as a common bond."...

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I feel very strongly about the revival of Main Streets. When I visit a city, I try to understand what makes it unique and viable. There is so much beauty to be found in the industrial Northeast and its manufacturing roots, but I just feel such a strong undercurrent of despair. Young people shouldn't have to leave their birthplace just to get meaningful work. The division between "haves" and "have-nots" is ever increasing.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

In the past five years in particular, I've tried so hard to be all things to all people... to prevent problems, to solve conflicts, to protect my family and loved ones; so much, that I wore myself down. Only this year have I begun again to take care of me...to understand that if I make my own health and well-being a priority, that I will be stronger and more capable to help others. Thanks for your kind words.

Re: These dreams

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I believe that, if a dream survives into the light of the next day, that we should pay careful attention to its possible message.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

"Like peels off of a chocolate orange at Christmas time.." What a delicious compliment:)! I miss our talks, but the routine of the tour will soon emerge after this intense week and I'll be able to call you more. Tomorrow, we add costumes!

Re: These dreams

[ciddyguy.livejournal.com]

THat's been my thought too, sometimes though, it's only parts of the dream and a general feeling of that dream that remains.

I had a dream once, that predicted what would actually happen, and the next morning, it happened.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I'm sure I have a lot of clutter in my mind and a bit of housekeeping is probably in order:) But I do think the baby most likely represents my sadness from time to time that I had no children. I often have had these images in my dreams, but not so graphically as last night.

In no way do I feel like I'm carrying the show; it goes against everything in my personality and work ethic to think such a thing...even subconsciously:) The "Evita" connection in the dream was minor; they were just part of the airport setting.

Good thing I'm not Freudian either, as there would have been a sexual context to the dream:) Goodness knows, that certainly wasn't part of this dream! Just to have someone who relies on me and for whom I care beyond all else, seems to be the point of the vivid dream. To again experience a pure love would be wonderful.

[bruinwi.livejournal.com]

I, too, have wondered about being a father, but have quickly dismissed it, as I'm simply too self-centered to be a decent father. When you take in my family constellaton, you'd think this would have more urgency: My sisters are both Lesbians, without a maternal bone in their bodies; and while my brother is married, my sister-in-law was never able to carry a pregnancy thru the first trimester. As a result, this branch of the family tree ends with us.

Maybe your baby is your talent, your career. You've obviously nurtured it, and its yours alone. You may not have physical children, but the songs you sing, and the performances you give ARE your mark on the world.

But then, I'm not a Fruedian, I'm a behaviorist.

[nlotic.livejournal.com]

Thanks for sharing this wonderful post. I feel like I was walking around Waterbury with you and there is added benefit of hearing your inner thoughts.

Your dream? It affirms the type of person you are, caring and compassionate even in times of chaos.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Thanks, my friend. You speak to my heart.

[ex-nashobabe711.livejournal.com]

For me the political filters are assumed ... most of this region, broadly speaking, is chronically depressed economically, embraces life-denying religious principles, and the entire culture seems to be very spiritually and psychologically depressed...so to compare one deeply depressed area with another, it seemed unnecessary to remark on their commonalities...only when I compare with a vibrant area does the dynamic become evident?