Romance, Romance

[mrdreamjeans]

I just finished reading a beautifully-written post by SFLonestar. Jim talks about his search for romance in a post called "Last of the Belles". The post mentioned his parents' longstanding marriage and his desire to find love. I found myself answering his post at length, as his family's imprint on that subject hits very close to home. I decided to post my comments to Jim's essay here, as his thoughts made me really dig down deep and decide what I want to happen in my own life. Oddly enough, in a phone conversation this morning, in a different, but tangential way, lowfatmuffin (Bob) and I spoke of similar topics. Thanks Jim and Bob for challenging me to identify how I feel about the search for romantic love. Here are my comments, some of which flowed out unexpectedly:

My parents have been married 53 years and their AOL screen name is also a pairing of their first names. They're in their 70s, so I had to make it something they wouldn't forget:) My brother and sister are both in 20+ year marriages, but my parents' joined-at-the-hip success is something I think we all struggle to live up to. I think it is only natural when growing up with that kind of imprint/example to want to emulate its success and duration.

I've not given up thinking I'll find Mr. Right, instead of Mr. Right Now. I refuse to think that I can't find an honorable, loyal, intelligent and hot man with which to spend my life. After all, I've known two such men and just because the relationships didn't last, doesn't mean that both weren't good choices. Neither relationship was a failure. It simply means they weren't meant to last forever.

I do know what it is to love and be loved in all of the right ways. And - I'm finally ready to perfect what I've learned! LOL! I'm just going to continue being a "hopeful romantic with a playful heart"; I'm going to continue to take emotional risks and not shut down on someone just because they don't appear to be an ideal or complete match. I believe with all of my heart, that there is someone out there for me who will appreciate what I bring to the table and understand the differences between monogamy, monotony and monopoly!

There is nothing wrong in the pursuit of romantic love, but recognizing it when it is offered, being open to all possibilities, accepting the notion that you deserve romantic love are all things to think about. I sometimes think I put blinders on.... that I am so determined to be the one to initiate romance, that I inadvertently reject it, or don't recognize it, if the idea comes from someone else. Worthiness then becomes a question....Or is it simply a question of perversity? Do I only believe in romantic love if I am the pursuer or aggressor? I'll have to think hard about that....

Keep the faith, Jim; you too Bob and so will I! We will find lasting love and romance if we just don't get too attached to the search:)

Comments

[gotmoof.livejournal.com]

You know my thoughts on this. And Thank you for the lovely compliments. Many would disagree with you, but its what you think that counts.

[ciddyguy.livejournal.com]

Neil,

That is a wonderful post you made.

I don't have much to add, other than a lot of us tend to go at the search too hard and therefore wonder why we can't find anyone.

What I can add is that just keep an eye open and do not overlook the less obvious places, such as the grocery store. :-)

I've always known one can find the right guy and it does take work and an open mind.

[algebear.livejournal.com]

My partner and I have been together for about 12.5 years - and I certainly think that we're meant to be together forever. I don't necessarily think that our type of relationship should be a GOAL for everybody, because I don't really know if everybody is meant to BE in our type of relationship.

What I mean is that I don't think that there's one "right" way to live life.

Our relationship is DEFINITELY right for us, at this moment in time. I treasure the time we have had and continue to have together, and I hope that our happiness is meant to continue. However, I do not feel that we are somewho the "model" gay people because we have happened to be called into this relationship.

[sflonestar.livejournal.com]

Thanks Neil for your kind and thoughtful words!

thanks AGAIN!

[nlotic.livejournal.com]

Again you wrote a thoughful post that validates that others beside me think about these important topics. Don't give up your quest, you deserve and will find the best.

and monotony...he's that guy named Tony that can only sing one note. Monopoly, I ALWAYS get the shoe.

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

You're welcome, Tim! You are an honorable part of my history. I learned a lot about myself in the time we were together. My time with you taught me that I could fully focus on one person and not be looking over your shoulder to see who or what else was out there. I was perfectly content with you, the person directly in front of me. That is a terrific feeling and important knowledge as I go forward!

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

I agree with you totally. I don't think that there is any one right way to be in a relationship; each is unique, based on the two people called to the relationship. Congratulations on the longevity of your own relationship; I don't think it hurts to celebrate your success. I am simply and humbly trying to find what works for me. The example of my parents marriage is something that I grew up with; it did shape how I view many things...some good, some bad. However, I think it is nice to challenge myself to take a good critical look at my beliefs on the subject. And I am certainly appreciative that you took time to tell me how you feel! Thanks!

Re: thanks AGAIN!

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Well - just so you don't get the boot! :) And isn't it ..".Poor Johnny One-Note"? Or am I missing your references....LOL! Keep thinking about important topics. You'll find thoughtful men on all sides of an issue who will debate you and perhaps help you clarify your feelings. I learn something every day from the posts I read. Hugs!

[mrdreamjeans.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the inspiration!